Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #84
Johnny Piper

"R
I say R-A
R-A-G
R-A-G-G
Rag
R-A-G-G M-O-P-P
Rag Mop."

And when you awoke, you found yourself in
the middle of Zombieland. Thank God, it
was a comedy.

"I believe you must have me confused with Julie Christie.
I'm Alistair Darling, Chancellor of the Exchequer."

In 1999, James Glassman published a book which
forecast that the Dow was headed toward 36,000.
Instead, the Dow bottomed out at 7,286 in 2002 and
now, ten years later, stands at 9,441. As a reward for
his financial acuity, Mr. Glassman has been named
Director of the George W. Bush Institute, a think tank
which will eventually be headquartered in the Bush
presidential library at SMU.

How many VW Campervans does a man need?

Pessimists today say the world is in 'Deep Shit'.
Optimists today say the world is in 'Shallow Shit'.
And then there are the Independents who are
still trying to make up their minds.

Why do we instinctively grip our heads when the
world seems to be falling to pieces?

The normal blink rate for a human adult is 10 times
per minute.
The normal blink rate for a human infant is 1-2 times
per minute.
Steve Forbes' blink rate is 0 times per minute.
Conclusion: Steve Forbes is either ab ovo or
not of this world.

Little Known Fact #5
Death Metal Cruise Sells Out

Stephen Green's day job is as the ultra-suave
proprietor of Vodkapundit.

His night job is as the bloodied-but-unbowed
pastor of the Faithful Word Baptist Church.

Stephen Helmsley, CEO of UnitedHealth Group,
was paid only $3,241,042 in 2008. You have to
be really ugly to make such a piddling amount
in today's health insurance scamocracy.

Just Announced: The Vince Schlomi
Prize for Shameless ShamWowiness
and Full-Tilt Teabaggery

Can you name the Four Founding Gunfathers
of the United States of America?

Wise Bird Tells Dumb Cluck, "Let's Do Lunch!"

Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #4

The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler

As of last Friday, there were 168,178,719 book titles
in the world. Arcimboldo's Librarian could not be
reached for comment.

"Condescension, thy name is Greenberg!"

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #16
Meghan McCain and Steven Baldwin

World's Worst Yoobs #49
Elisabeth Meinecke

What comes in threes? Goldbergs. Yes, in addition to
Lucianne and Jonah, there's Joshua, who's running for
the New York City Council as a--you guessed it!--
Republican. He's the thin, red-headed loser of
the family.

Allegories for Our Time #7
"Trust the Gorilla!" said the free market economists.

What Obama Will Say in His Health Care Address,
or
The Future Is Already Past, So Why Waste Your
Time Listening to Him Recite History?

Everyone knows about Matt Drudge's second career as
the behatted maestro of the right side of the Web. But
relatively few know about his first career as the
sideshow attraction,

Busty Salma, the Bearded Lady.

What went into the ground in 1957 wasn't nearly as
scary as what came out of the ground in 1961.

Demand for Electricity Sputters and Bills May Fall;
Coming Up Next--the Rupture or the Rapture?

The Grinch Who Stole Wall Street

KFC Double Down Sandwich Combo Revealed to Be
Sinister Plot by President Obama to Place Teabaggers
Under Cardiac Arrest

What was it about the wild blue yonder the
President of France found so fascinating?

"Sacre bleu, Prime Minister Singh! The sky
doesn't seem to be falling today!"

The tiger cub was chapfallen when it learned its species
had been created on Friday, the same day of the week
as human beings.

Sure, their music stank, but they
had learned how to cope with it.

"I told you not to buy that second-hand GPS on eBay!"

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #15
Peggy Noonan, Ann Coulter, and Matt Drudge

Warm Scuzzies #6
Matt Barber

Celebrity Marshmallow Roast

Glenn Beck, a Tough Stain OxiClean Refuses to Get Out

They saw madness in his eyes and screamed,
"More, more, give us more!"

While exercising his Second Amendment right to keep and

bear arms, a Pennsylvania history buff accidentally fired a

2-pound cannonball through the wall of a neighbor's house

four hundred yards away.

Oxymorons for Our Time #1

Jobless Recovery

The new KFC Double Down Sandwich

really hits the spot.

Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #3
Big Lizards

World's Worst Jobs #100
Indian Chili Pepper Dryer

The Wizard of Oz as a Youngster

World's Worst Yobs #129
Walter Williams

Sleeping Like a Decalogue

A Wingnut Parent's Nightmare