Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #116

In wine there is truth. Nobody knows what's in Woop Woop.

Oxymorons for Our Time #47

United States

So what if Arizona's politics is a national laughing-stock

and it's economy is in the tank! The Grand Canyon State

still has Senator Jon Kyl, who can out-smirk, out-smug,

and out-smarm George Walker Bush any day of the week.

Keep trying! Surely there's a Cruelty Joke

this Malay Fish Owl hasn't heard.

Sarko the Giant Using French Hand Gesture That

Means 'I Am Not a Crook!'

Fearguth wouldn't walk a mile for a Camel,

but he would drive over 3,000 miles for the

All Good Music Festival & Campout (July 8-11)

near Masontown, West Virginia,

and Camp Bisco (July 15-17) near Mariaville,

New York. So, between July 6 and July 21,

posting on this blog will be spotty or

altogether absent, depending on

where he is along the journey.

Rightbloggers and Other

Internet Biohazards #57
Scared Monkeys

World's Worst Yobs #174

Bruce Carroll

"Sorry, sir, but if we have any hope of digesting

this sucker, we're going to need a ladder!"

Competitive eating contests, sponsored by

Major League Eating, had finally succeeded

in promoting Gluttony from last place to

first in the list of the Seven Deadly Sins.

The day finally came when the military was so

lean and mean it didn't need soldiers anymore.

Uncle Sam Sez: "On this 4th of July, I want

you to lose your mind, just like I have!"

"Suck it in, soldier!"

"Yeah, I can see how having ten babies at one time

might have an adverse effect on your figure."

"Why do you hold your hands that way, Jesse?"

"Careful, Chuckie! The last guy who asked me that

question needed a blood transfusion afterwards."

As this picture of Governor Jan Brewer illustrates,

mummification was still an imperfect art during

Arizona's Fourth Republican Dynasty.

"Hi, I'm from CorpGov and I'm here to help you!"

"Well, Joe, at least you don't have to worry about

the tax on tanning salons the way Boehner does."

What happens on July 4 when you start drinking

beer on July 3.

Old Woman Prefers Quieter Fireworks on July 4th

"Pray harder, Bobby! The oil's still gushing!"

Oxymorons for Our Time #46

Culture War

To celebrate our independence from Great Britain this

year, the entire Gulf of Mexico will be set ablaze.

John Yoo wants you to stop

staring at his white pants.

"Men, how many of you have ever heard of the

Hundred Years' War?"

The Other Glee, the One That Didn't Win a Golden

Globe Award for Best Television Series

John 'The Ump' Roberts, 2005

Local Hunter Disappointed to Learn There's a

'No Bows-and-Arrows-in-Bars' Law in Virginia

Have you accepted Zippy into your life yet?

Warm Scuzzies #91

Bill Keller

"Ahhh, I can never get enough of that Miracle Whip!"

exclaimed the masochist. "Lash me again!"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #183

Rachel Brown

Don't tell anybody, but this Tea Partier is actually

a conservative Republican in disguise.

"So this is life, eh? And the alternative is

even worse, you say?"

When life gives you lemons, you can either be an optimist

and make lemonade, or you can be a pessimist and

squeeze lemon juice in your eyes. It's your choice.

"The last person out of the closet is a rotten

egg, er, bisexual male!"

"I just performed a proctological exam on the framers

of the Constitution, and you won't believe what I found.

Yes, I found their original understanding of all those

words today's activist judges like to interpret."

What It's Like to Work at the Washington Post These Days

Is Michael Steele the gift that keeps on giving, or the

gift that the 99¢ Store won't take back? The answer

to this question depends on whether you're a

Democrat or a Republican.

"If George Walker Bush ranks 39th among U. S.

Presidents, just above Franklin Pierce, where

do you think that puts you on the scale of Vice

Presidents? Before you answer, Mr. Cheney,

remember your heart."

Ugly Dog

Uglier Dog

"Yes, I'm an American spy. How else would I know there

are only 50 members of Al-Qaida in Afghanistan?"

"Have you ever considered a career

as a Russian spy?"

Warm Scuzzies #90

Democratic National Committee

Sign of the Times #11

"And neighbor, when you stop by for a quick

fill-up, tell 'em you just stepped off Tony

Hayward's yacht!"

Welcome to Phoenix, Decapitation Capital of America

Senator Hatch will oppose the Kagan nomination

because the nominee does not meet his standards.

Thank God for small favors!