"So what if Biggus Dickus is a sexual harasser? 

The statute of limitations ran out years ago!"

"If you wish to elect a Genitalia-Inspector-in-Chief,

vote for Herman Cain."

"Howdy, neighbor!  You ain't a socialist

liberal, are ya?"

Michael Pearl Sez:  "There's no greater joy than using

switches on six-month-old babies and plumbing tubing

on older children!"

C. Stephen Eckel Sez:  "My integrity as a photographer and

 as a nude artist is strong and powerful, and my integrity as a

county legislator is strong and powerful."

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #128

Jim Hoft and Michelle Moore

"I see stars, I see bars, and I ain't just

whistlin' Dixie!"

Warm Scuzzies #234

Jerry Sandusky

"Hmmm, quit News Corp. in disgrace, receive a $2.7 million

severance package.  Why didn't I think of this before!"

Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich Engage in

Romney Vs. Romney-Style Debate

Jesse Ventura Threatens to Sing the National Anthem

Sitting Down

Lady Liberty Celebrates 125th Birthday

Now available from Time-Life Music:  Herman Cain's

Godfather of Pizza Collection, Featuring His Latest Hit,

 'I Am the Koch Brothers' Brother from Another

Motherfucker!'

Ask Mitt Romney which America he believes in, and

he will say, "Both:  North America on even-numbered

days and South America on odd-numbered days."

First, there was flip-flopping. 

Second, there was flip-flopping

about flip-flopping. 

Third, there was Mitt Romney.

"Mr. Cain, we understand your first 9-9-9 Plan cost

the National Restaurant Association $45,000.  If

you recall, that was the payout, made in September,

1999, to settle one of the sexual harassment claims

made against you."

In the words the Washington Post reporter used to

describe Rick Perry's speech in New Hampshire,

the Party Monster "was loose and extremely ani-

mated, even playful.”

As the sexual harassment plot thickened, Herman Cain's

poll numbers went up.  Well, what did you expect from

 the Republican electorate?

Oxymorons for Our Time #111

Super Committee

"With bazongas like hers, how could

 Meghan McCain not lean forward?"

The side effects of OxyContin include memory loss,

constipation, fatigue, dizziness, nausea, lightheadedness,

headache, dry mouth, anxiety, hearing loss, pruritus,

diaphoresis, dimness in vision, loss of appetite,

nervousness, abdominal pain, diarrhea, ischuria,

dyspnea, hiccups, impotence, enlarged prostate,

decreased testosterone, and Rush Limbaugh.

"If I had been the Deity on the point of creating the world,

and had foreseen that Ann Coulter would be in it, I would

have left the world uncreated."

"Sure, I had 100 members of the House in my pocket, but

that left 335 who weren't.  And I view that as a failure."

House of Representatives Votes to Make National Motto

More Emphatic, to Wit:  'In God We Trust, Goddammit!'

Warm Scuzzies #233

William Adams

"And then I told the President, 'The mice are

feet down', and he said, 'Pixie and Dixie?'."

Goldline, Glenn Beck's Favorite Sponsor, Charged

 with Fraud:  Who Woulda Thunk It?

If you are a 'person' like General Electric, you made $14.2

billion in profit in 2010 and paid $0 in taxes.  And you would

not be alone, for there were 30 Fortune 500 'persons' who

were profitable and paid $0 in taxes in 2008, 2009, and 2010.

Listen carefully and you can hear 20.5 million Americans,

living 50% below the federal poverty line, singing

 'America the Beautiful'.

Defendant to Plead Guilty in Hutaree

'Shotgun Wedding' Plot

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #343

Mike Vanderboegh

Choose your punishment:  die and join 72 virgins in Paradise,

or

live and spend 72 days married to Kim Kardashian.

Warm Scuzzies #232

Solamere Capital

Herman Cain Uses 'Vaffanculo' Gesture He Learned from

Clarence Thomas Who Learned It from Tony Scalia

The Unexpurgated Bible #63

And the Lord spake unto him, saying, "Just as I revealed

 unto thy father and unto thy father's father, rock always

breaks scissors."

Angry Pizza Godfather Orders Hit on The Politico

Michael Medved wants you to know that the notion

the rich are getting richer is just a myth.

"Our blacks are so much better than their blacks,"

said Lady Ann Coulter of Destrehan Plantation.

Entire Loudon County Republican Committee

to Enter Humor and Satire Rehab

"Just as Popeye had his 3 V's---Vim, Vigor,

and Vitaliky---, I have mine:  Valium, Vicodin,

 and Vodka."