Mark Rothko Paint-by-Numbers Kit

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Danielle Pletka claims that Iran poses a greater danger if

it gets nuclear weapons and doesn't use them than it would

if it got nuclear weapons and used them. This is what is

called 'Proctologic' or, more colloquially, 'Pulling an

Argument Out of Your Ass'.

Governor Rick Perry Sez:  "Our kids can’t openly celebrate

Christmas or pray in school."

The Garland High School Chamber Singers deliver

 a rebuttal.

Blago Sentenced to 14 Years of Jogging in the Snow

Practice Safe Apocalypse!  Get Your 'Invisible Mystic

Mayan Power Cloak' Now, While Supplies Last!

"Hey Crisco, where's Pauncho?"

Today's Necrology

"This is MY hedge fund.  Go find your own!"

"I'm like Nancy Reagan, always protective of my husband.

I'm like Laura Bush, a very loving mother and wife. I'm like

Jacqueline Kennedy, incredibly graceful and stylish, focused

on the arts and music. And I'm like Rielle Hunter, who had

a long-term adulterous affair with a member of Congress."

Merry Christmas, Congressman Gallegly!

Only 26 percent of Florida voters approve of Governor

Rick Scott's performance.  That's the same 26% who

have been diagnosed with rabies.

Someone has developed a useful rubric for classifying

Billionaires: 1) Whiny Billionaires, 2) Clueless Billionaires,

3) Authoritarian Billionaires, and 4) Philanthropic Billionaires.

Leon Cooperman (shown here) is a Whiny Billionaire.

"One time we were having sex, and I was looking up at the

ceiling, thinking about Ronald Reagan."

America Needs to Be Punished!

Vote Gingrich in 2012!

If Newt Gingrich is the Republican nominee for President,

even this Banana Slug believes he could beat him.

W. D. Boyce is remembered as the founder of

the Boy Scouts of America. If elected President,

Newt Gingrich may be remembered as the

 founder of the Junior Janitors of America.

Smokers May Lose Their Nipples

Rice Could Expose You to Arsenic

Sign of the Times #16

Fearguth Reaches Post Number 20,000

Oxymorons for Our Time #114

Clear Channel

“There is an attempt by Islamists to join the military and

infiltrate the military, and it’s more of a threat than the

average American is aware of right now.  I'm speaking

the God's truth, or my name isn't Joe McCarthy!”

World's Worst Yobs #232

Frank Miller

"When asked, all three of your wives answer, 'Orgasms?

Are you kidding?  Not on my watch!' But they do agree

that you were born in Georgia."

American Airlines Declares Bankruptcy,

Enrolls in 12-Step Program

"I'd like to think outside the fox, but I'm not really all that

into fast food."

Would it be fair to say that when  Michael Myers shishkabobs

 himself and the United States gets so poor it can't

afford elections, the mail, or weather forecasts, it's all over?

"I'm what's called a 'Principled Conservative'.  My first

principle is that I have the power to erect both of my

 index fingers simultaneously, as you can see as I

stand here before you."

Frank Luntz Sez:  "Fellow Republicans, don't say 'Capitalism'. 

Say 'Coronary Bypass'."

"Don't you dare!"

"Oooh!  That felt really good!"

"Me?  Watch television?  Ha!   I'm too smart for that!"

"Good God, man!  With a name like Megan McArdle,

what did you expect?  A chef?  A potholder? 

Or a blogger for The Atlantic?"

Think of it! If you were Michele Bachmann right this very

minute, you would probably be trying to decide whether

to participate in the upcoming Donald Trump-moderated

Republican debate.  (But you aren't, and aren't you glad.)

Quail Endorses Romney; Other Mid-Size Birds

Say, "We're Still Undecided"

Gratuitous Sarah Palin Cheesecake

Fearguth's Rules of Order #49

If you meet an orangutan that believes it's 

Obi-Wan Kenobi, don't try to explain why

you disbelieve in fictional characters. 

"Is it true, kind sir, that if we don't join the Junior

Janitors of America, Newt Gingrich will order the

Muppet Communists to come and kill us?"

Peter King Pinching Off Another One

“A spectre is haunting Fox News - the spectre of Muppetism!”

Little Known Fact #21

More than 1 million animals are eaten every hour in the U.S.

If reincarnation is true, they are likely our ancestors.

Costume Worn by Earliest-Known Polka Dancers

Flag Desecration  #48

John Danforth Sez:  “I’ve been watching some of these

Republican debates and they’re just terrible. Terrible.  It’s

embarrassing for me as a Republican to watch this stuff.”

Rightbloggers and Other

Internet Biohazards #115

The Blogmocracy

Not so fast, Newt!  He's BAAACK!

"What's all that?"

"Oh, it's just Newt Gingrich's 'baggage'."

"He must be going on a long trip."

"Yeah, the Republican primary season

lasts from January 3 to June 26, 2012."

Fearguth Sez:  "Occupy Zappadan!"

Herman Cain 'Suspends' Campaign, Comedians Weep

Little Known Fact #20

Rusty Limbaugh Granted Degree from Purdue Pharma

with a Double Major in Oxycontin and Oxycontin