“Strap on the full armor of God. 

We ain't seen nothin' yet!"

Don't believe it when someone says, 'Dinosaurs became

extinct 65 million years ago."

Affluenza Teen Ethan Couch Gets 'Rock Star' Lawyer

Like an insect long dead, Rahm Emanuel is just a dessicated 

husk, little more than an exoskeleton.

The Unexpurgated Bible #123

"And it shall come to pass in the last days," saith God, 

"that I will show wonders in the heaven above."

Will Ted Cruz complete the transformation of the GOP from 

a political party to the White Christian Fundamentalist

 Party?

Jeb Bush: Not Just a Looza, 

a Lollapalooza!

Trump Ghost Writer Says He Won't Vote for 

'No Class' Billionaire; Ghost Writer's Ghost 

Writer Says She Won't, Either

Trump's Terrorist Recruitment Video

 Receives Only a 4.1 IMDB Rating from 

Potential American-Born Jihadis

Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of Putin?

The Shadow knows!

"Hide those Hot Pockets, here come the 

Sandwich Police!"

Kim Jong-Un Says He's Ready for War

Texan Sez:  "Honey, I'm going to run to the store

to get a gallon of milk.  Be right back."

Recently-Declassified Photograph #41

President Obama's Christmas Present

from Governor Abbott

"So which is it: turn right here, turn left here, or turn left 

right here?"

Welcome to Texas, Where Every Man Can Now Be His

Own Trigger-Happy Cop

World Nut Daily Selects Donald Trump as 'Man of the Year'

The wittle Babybot 2016 woke up fwightened that 

what it dweamed might come twoo.

"What's with those giant rubber ducks?"

"Oh, it's just those Trump and Cruz bath toys

 behaving like the tub is not big enough for the 

two of them."

Michele Fiore Wins Golden Duke Award

(Double Bandolier Edition) for 

'Meritorious Achievement in the

Crazy'

"What brother-in-law?"

"Orlando Cecilia."

"Orlando who?"

Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin Has "Very Extensive and 

Substantive Conversation" with Reality, Admits It's Not

Half as Bad as He Thought It Was

Back in the Day When Jonathan Stickland Thought

AR-15 Lapel Pins Were Cool and Rape Jokes Were

Funny

Is it just an illusion, or has Fat Albert lost a lot of weight?

Local Man in Danger of Being Wrinkled to Death Before

Receiving the Nobel Peace Prize

Life is filled with so many mysteries, such as, why so many

black-clad ISIS leaders wear white sneakers in the desert.

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night shall 

stay me from leaping Trump Tower with a single bound."

"OK, so they named Crocs after you, let's see some tears!"

Although they took up a lot more room,

telephone answering machines in the

early 1960s were much more interesting.

The results are in, and Ted Cruz has won the 'Ugliest

Christmas Sweater of the Year' contest for 2015.

Ham Bones Don't Kill People; People Kill People

Look Who Got a Binky for Christmas

Meerkat Denies The Politico's Claim That It Had 

Predicted in 2015 It Would Change Politics Forever

Rick Scott to Lead National Crusade Against

the 5 Foods That Cause Grey Hair

Raging Wool

Vladimir Putin, Czar of All the 

Man Buns

Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #17

Imagine finding a tongue-eating louse in a can of tuna. 

That would be Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Tim McGinty.

Trump Deploys Katrina Pierson to Attract the Undead Vote

Angered by criticism of her bullet necklace, Trump

spokesperson Katrina Pierson made good on her

threat to wear her dead fetus necklace.

Trump Spox Katrina Pierson to Assume the Role of 

Boss Beast in New Campaign Edition of

Resident Evil

Donald Trump Announces Plan to Spend $2 Million

 a Week on Turd Polish

What Happened to the Drone That Got Too Close to the 

Obama Motorcade

"But I love torture, don't you understand?  

It's the force that gives me meaning!"

On what day did God create cold and hunger? In my Bible, the 

Garden of Eden wasn't cold and Adam and Eve didn't work.

Authorities south of the border say they 

first noticed Ethan Couch because he 

was too ignernt-looking to be a Mexican.

Trump Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts,

Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, Blasts, and Blasts!

Trump Microtargets His Bid for the

Nom Nom Vote

Kim Jong-un had to be cagey about his socialist tendencies.

In case you're wondering what makes Mark Dankof's

face look so greasy, it's Iranian oil.

Fearguth's Rules of Order #62

Never try to hustle a chimp that drinks Jack Black. 

It's a waste of time.