Legend has it that Doug Feith was once a rodent that accidentally

got trapped under a wall-to-wall carpet laid in Dick Cheney's bunker.

Thinking it was a pack of cigarettes he had mislaid, the carpetlayer, not

wanting to rip up the carpet, smashed the lump flat with a hammer.

Just then, Lynne's voice was heard upstairs:

"Dick, where's my gerbil?"