Whiteworld #24

They're going to make a movie about the Iowa Freedom

Summit.  It'll be called 50 Shades of White.

Iowa Freedom Summit Seen from Space

At the Iowa Freedom Summit, people huddled around 

Chris Christie, a 'flaming liberal', in order to keep warm.

The thought of gutting Social Security gave Rand Paul's

whole body a stiffy.

Governor Jindal Publicly Endorses Benham

 Brothers Sedan Chair Service

"I'm a scientist, but I try not to act like it."

"I keep my hand in shape with this very easy five finger

exercise."

“Without putting any words in my mouth, you can absolutely 

say that I’m relatively interested in people thinking I'm 

seriously interested in the fact that 2016 really is still far 

off, more than 340 days, in fact."

"Iowa Freedom Summit?  But, Congressman King, Des Moine's 

elevation is only 955 feet.  That's not much of a 'summit', is it?"

Flag Desecration #83

Second Nun Gives Birth in Italy; Pregnant Virgins No

Longer Rare, Authorities Say

When he learned that Modern Framer, a journal dedicated

to the theory and practice of Originalism, had folded,

Justice Scalia was shocked and saddened.

"I want to buy a vowel."

For a mere $195 million, you can own billionaire Jeff 

Greene's Palazzo di Amore in Beverly Hills.  It is 

equipped with 23 bathrooms, so if you suddenly 

feel the need to 'trickle down', there's always one 

within easy walking distance.

Greedheads Galore #39

Jeff Greene

A sure sign of Immigrant Influx Disease is a vacant stare.

Head Spa Massager Relieves Tension Caused by 

SkyMall Bankruptcy

Pinkos from Every Continent Call for 'End to 

Fossil Fuel Era’

"I'm going to need your help to find a way out of this 

definitional problem of rape.  Know what I mean,

nudge, nudge?"

Time to beat a hasty retweet, folks!

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #159

And then King Abdullah rode his Wahhabi horse off 

into the sunset.

'King Abdullah, Who Nudged Saudi Arabia Forward, 

Dies at 90 from Motion Sickness'

Before feminists could control his sex life, Chuck would 

first need to get one.

'Conservatives Gather in Iowa'

"Follow my 12-step program, and you too can have 

skinny arms!"

It Was a Dark and Stormy Knight

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #609

Sandy Rios

"My name is Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, but you

can call me Sal."

As early as 2008, Barack Obama had warned, "There are

 things we can do to save the Super Bowl. Making sure our 

footballs are properly inflated, for instance."

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #104

My Own Private Atlantic City

Like the pro-life protester said today, "The womb is 

the most dangerous place for a child."

Those monogrammed antimacassars are a nice touch. 

 You don't see those when you fly Coach on American.

The Unexpurgated Bible #110

"Let's deal with poverty," said Romney. "Have we done it? 

No. Let's do it!" And Jesus said unto him, "Sell all that thou

 hast, and distribute unto the poor."  And when Romney heard 

this, he was very sorrowful: for he could not understand King 

James English.

"But I thought Steve King's summit this weekend was

going to be held someplace high?"

Have you irked a 

Republican today?

Does anyone know if they sell Meowl Mix

at Costco?

If she were clever, Ginni Thomas would not have called

her new company 'Liberty Consulting'.  She would have

called it 'Lady Liberty Lobby'.

Mittens, Romney's Hermaphrodite Cat, 

 Getting Gender Assignment Surgery

"Can you believe the FBI arrested me for abusing

Just For Men® Touch of Gray?"

"'Worst Passwords' List Shows How Lazy We Are"

Tootsie Pop Dead at 95

Leader of German Anti-Muslim Movement Forced to

Step Down for Impersonating Michael Palin Doing a

Cheesy Hitler Impression

Bibi thought How to Be John Boehner's Bitch was well

written, but felt the plot got in the way of the story.

When she removed her bread bags last night,

everyone saw that Senator Ernst was wearing camo pumps.

Roger Wicker (R-MS) was the only Senator to 

vote that climate change is a hoax.  It takes one

 to know one.

Cat Blogger After Slaving All Day

Over a Hot Computer

When a Catmobile pounces on a Mousemobile, it typically aims

 to do so clandestinely; otherwise it wouldn't be very effective.

"Did I hear you say 'Nincompope', Mr. Santorum, or am

I just having aural hallucinations?"