Saturday, December 02, 2006

Gazing deep into each other's eyes, the two aspiring despots,
Vladimir Putin and Aleksander Lukashenko, established
a brain lock and thought in unison: "I'd claw my way out
of hell and straight through ten miles of solid rock to see
that smile again."
Whereas you are no doubt aware of the problem of
binge drinking, you may not be aware of the problem
of pasta slamming.
After retiring from the Senate, Dr. Bill Frist says he will
open a new
YouTube-based, remote-diagnosis practice.
All
his patients will need to do is upload a video and send
him $125 via major
credit card or PayPal. He says his
diagnoses
will be emailed promptly within five
business days.
Only three things in life are certain: 1) death, 2) taxes,
and 3) Happy Hour at Bildungblog.
Cheers, mates!
The puma cub and Hobbes were getting along just fine,
and then Calvin showed up.
It was something of an unexpected calamity when the rubber
finally met the road.
World's Worst Jobs #12
Fijian Newspaper Seller
"There are two kinds of terrorism in the US," said Lurita
Alexis Doan, head of the General Services Administration.
"The external kind and, internally, the Inspectors-General
have terrorized the Regional Administrators by exposing fraud,
abuse, and waste in the awarding of government contracts.
It's my job to stop these internal terrorists before they can
strike again!"
Every so often, you'll hear talk of someone wearing a tinfoil
hat. Many think it's just a figurative expression. 
Well, it isn't.
After the Rapture, this was all that was left behind
on the cricket pitch.
What Henry James Had in Mind When He Wrote
The Figure in the Carpet

Friday, December 01, 2006

Four Lexicologists Gearing Up to Decontaminate the Meanings
of Words Used by President Bush, Like 'Liberty', 'Democracy',
and 'Nucular'
"Mr. President, that rancid tie makes it look like you have
a yellow streak running from your Adam's apple all the way
down to your toy soldier. I told you to not let Laura pick
out your ties."
Seen here are the inner workings of the 'Newt Gingrich
for President' campaign. A spokesman describes it as
"a well-oiled machine."
The nation's capital was rocked yesterday by the
news President Bush has been diagnosed with
late-onset autism. Doctors say he is "completely out
of touch with reality" and is "living in a persistent
rutabaga state."
"Breathe deep the gathering gloom,
Watch lights fade from every room.
Bedsitter people look back and lament,
Another day's useless energy spent."
If you were a little girl who had just seen the creepy
statue of San Lazaro, you would be frightened, too.
Although he couldn't quite put his finger on it,
the passenger knew something was very odd
about the aircraft's design.
Seeing the thought balloons, the Spaniards realized
they were trapped inside a comic strip.
Astigmatic Car Shopper Attempting to Kick Tires
Future Middle-of-the-Road Politician
Ascending Staircase

Thursday, November 30, 2006

A question heard frequently here at Bildungblog is: "What
is the etymology of the name, 'Mort Kondracke'?" Josh
Marshall believes it is derived from "noxious, risible,
fetid thinking." That sounds about right.
President Bush says Nouri al-Maliki is the "right guy" for Iraq

and Two Foot Fred isn't.
Dismissing talk of "some kind of graceful exit out of Iraq,"
President Bush grabbed the bull firmly by the horns.
Rudy Giuliani Just Seconds Before His Ascension
into Heaven Preempted His Bid to Become the
Republican Nominee for President in 2008
Air Guitarist Performing His Musical Adaptation
of the Iraq Study Group Report
The New Face of Capitalist China, the Old Face of Communist China
When you eventually get down to this item of clothing,
politics will probably be the last thing on your mind.
The riot police took no chances when they heard Pam Spaulding's
cat was really steamed and headed their way.
"You can't lead unless you've got courage. Nouri's got courage
and he's shown courage over the last six months. Before that,
he was a yellow-bellied, lily-livered coward."

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Here we see Indian eunuchs discussing the story of Philip the
Evangelist and the conversion of the Ethiopian Eunuch. In particular,
they are debating the scholarly issue concerning what chariot model
the Ethiopian was riding in.
Sick and tired of all those expensive sinus remedies that
leave you stuffed up? Well, have you tried this?
Is there life after the Bush Administration? Karl Rove
thinks so. He's now working on an Associates Degree in
Videography from the Academy of Art University.
"Hey, hey now baby, get into my big black car
Hey now baby, get into my big black car
I wanna just show you what my politics are."
A milestone has been reached in the Iraq War: 
President Bush has shed his first tear. Observers 
say the landmark event occurred when Iraqi 
Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki postponed 
their scheduled meeting in Jordan. "It's the first
 time I've been stood up on a date," the President 
said, wiping his eye.
If you've never had the opportunity to kiss the Pope's ring,
now's your chance.
As the leaked memo from National Security Adviser Stephen
Hadley indicates, there may not be civil war in Iraq, but there
definitely is, as shown here, civil war in the White House.
If you work package pickup for UPS in Turkey,
you can't be too careful.
Israeli Soldier Indicating How Many Palestinian Houses
He Has Helped Demolish in the West Bank
Be sure to wipe your feet when you enter a home in
Baghdad. It is very ill-mannered to track blood in.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

So anyway, you've got Nancy Pelosi on the bed and her
legs are on the mantelpiece, and you are asking her
whether she will pick
Jane Harman
or Alcee Hastings
to chair the House Intelligence Committee.

That's when she tells you it will be the guy
in the blue and silver hat.
Two members of the younger generation claim
they have discovered a new, but very messy way
to calculate the square root of pie.
Although the decision in 2002 to permit the cloning of
Santa Claus was widely viewed as an essential step in the
campaign to spread Christmas cheer worldwide, there is
now some evidence, albeit anecdotal, which tends to
suggest some metropolitan areas, like New York City,
are being overrun by jolly old elves.
Bob made a real monkey of himself when he accepted
the double-dog-dare to lick the block of dry ice.
On December 3, Hugo "Whiff the Sulphur" Chavez hopes
to hit another home run with the people of Venezuela.
Does competitive swimming make you yawn, or is
Britta Steffen just easily bored?