Meet James Leininger, Rick Perry's Sugar Daddy

You might think the plural of 'Doofus' is 'Doofi'.

  It's not.  It's 'Doocy'.

"Wanna see me deep throat this sucker?"

If, as Pat Robertson believes, a one-inch crack in the

Washington Monument may be a sign from God, this

is a sign from Ray Harryhausen.

These days, even the weather is ironic.  Derived from

Greek, Irene means 'peace'.

New Cheney Class Latrines Added to

U. S. Military Infrastructure

"To Win This, Rick Perry Needs to Look Less Angry,"

Says Peggy 'I Only Look Half-Baked' Noonan

"Hi, everybody!  It always makes me feel good to be in a

room filled with people as crazy as I am!"

Having Sex with Neanderthals Improves Your

Immune System, Scientists Say; Discovery 

Thought to Be Good News for Rick

Perry's Wife

Moral Equivalence Illustrated

If you want to know how government entitlement programs

 have weakened America's moral fiber, you need look no

 further than Marco Rubio. His father, Mario, was a re-

tired bartender, who lived off Social Security and Medicare

until his death in 2010.  His mother, Oria, is a retired hotel

housekeeper, living off Social Security and Medicare.

Marco himself received all his education at taxpayer expense

 from public institutions: South Miami Senior High School,

Santa Fe College, University of Florida, and University of

Miami. And, since 2000, Marco has been living off govern-

ment largesse, first as a representative in the Florida legis-

lature, and now as a U. S. Senator. No wonder, then, that

 Marco Rubio is such an intellectual lazybones and moral sloth.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #328

August Kreis

Local Man Proud Owner of Rare Gambian Pitchfork Rat

Only Muammar Gaddafi would be twisted enough to

compile a Condoleezza Rice 'stroke book'.

Congress' Approval Rating Falls to 12%; Senators and

Representatives Now Less Popular Than Acne and

Hemorrhoids

"Look, I am not an establishment figure, never have been,

and frankly, I don't want to be. I dislike Washington; I think

it's a seedy place.  And that's why I'm running for President."

CIA Heavily Edits FBI Agent's 9/11 Book

Pat Robertson Suggests Cracks in Nation's Tallest

Phallic Symbol May Be Sign from God

"If you think this job pays too much," says Representative

Steve Southerland (R-FL), "with those kinds of risks and

cutting me off from my family business, I'll just tell you:

This job don't mean that much to me.  I had a good life

in Panama City as President of Southerland Family

Funeral Homes and as founding partner of Genesis

Granite & Stone."

Oxymorons for Our Time #107

Southern Charm

Martin Luther King, Jr., as Glenn Beck Remembers Him

Sure, Zimbabwe has Robert Mugabe,

but the U. S. has Rush Limbaugh.

Sheyla Hershey, Owner and Operator of the

World's Largest Bustline,  Doesn't Last the

First Round of NBC's The Last Comic

Standing Erect

"I'm going down

I'm going, down, down, down

Down, down

Yes, I'm going down, yes

I'm going down, down, down

Down, down."

"Time, time and again I see you staring down at me

Now, then and again I wonder what it is that you see

with those Crazy Eyes."

LeAnn Rimes Explodes Over Weight Comment

Quake Causes President Obama to Miss Crucial Putt

Twin Peaks Breastaurant Chain Declares War on Hooters

Christine O'Donnell had tweeted a warning about

the impending East Coast quake, but most people

ignored it, thinking it was just a magic spell she

 was putting on Piers Morgan.

Officials are saying that the WMD which were supposed to

 have been in Iraq in 2003 have been found in Libya, 1800

miles away. They blame the finding error on a faulty

gyrocompass.

Warm Scuzzies #213

Gordon Lamont Moon

If, as some believe, trailer parks are 'tornado magnets',

perhaps nuclear power plants are 'earthquake magnets'.

When the epicenter of an earthquake

happens to be near Richmond, Virginia,

there's only one way for a teabagger to 

respond:  it's time to bring out the

 pitchforks!

Open Carry Advocate Wishes His Sidearms 

Didn't Make His Ass Look So Big

Anti-Summer's Eve Protester Admits He's

No Fan of The Vagina Monlogues

"Yes, Unfortunately!" Says Obama's Cocaine Dealer

Guess who's coming before dinner?

Alexa Sez:  "I am socially conservative,

neo-con on foreign policy, and fairly

libertarian economically.  And, no,

I haven't had eye implants!"

Looks like the Dead Parrots over at The Politico aren't

just 'pining for the fjords' these days.

Texas Governor Loses Contact with Hypersonic Prayer Drone,

 Denies That East Coast Earthquake and Hurricane Irene

May Be Collateral Damage Resulting from Errant Entreaty

Does Rick Perry pray away the gray?

There are three kinds of publicans. First, there's the

publican as tax collector, like Matthew, Jesus's disciple.

Second, there's the publican as tavernkeeper, like

Samuel Fraunces, friend of George Washington. Third,

there's the publican as Republican, like Eric Cantor,

corporate lickass.

In the 1950s, there was a lot of talk about 'Communist

Fronts', like, say, the Friends of the Soviet Union. Those

are now gone, replaced by 'Corporate Fronts', like, say,

the Obama Administration.

"Quite frankly, I'm fed up with Fed Up!"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #327

Carol McGuire

On the Internet, there is smut to suit most

every taste, except for those pornoisseurs

 who might fancy a candid photograph of

Mary Matalin's 'Secret Weapon'.

Greedheads Galore #15

Harvey Golub

On Wall Street, this look is known

as 'Lloyd Lawyers Up'.

While humbled by the encouragement he received to run for

President, Paul Ryan felt exalted above all thrones by the

thrill of humility.