Saturday, February 10, 2007

What would you do if you were an albino alligator and were
 trying your best to live down the bad rap you got from a
cruddy movie released in 1996, eleven years before you
were born?
Q: What would Walt Whitman have said if he had seen
the American Enterprise Institute logo?
A: "I sing the body corporate."
When you see the 'Ho' watermark in the lower right-hand
corner of the picture, you know you're viewing a genuine
image of Michelle Malkin, not a counterfeit.
"Whose turn is it to run down to AutoZone? This
baby is going to need a new alternator."
"I've no idea when I'll be back up. Maybe over the weekend,
it depends. Funny thing is, the longer you aren't doing it,
the more you think about not bothering. But I suppose
ultimately you either want and need to do it for
various reasons, or not. I suspect I still do, though
one's perspective on it does shift when you do
without sex for a while."
Matt Cooper, formerly a reporter for Time,
has learned the hard way that if you see
Karl Rove headed in your direction, run
away as fast as you can.
Michelle Malkin's Pie Hole, the Orifice That Lets
Out All the Hot Air
Doug Feith sorta got roughed up by the Pentagon's
Inspector General, didn't he?

Friday, February 09, 2007

Michelle Malkin Moving Allahpundit to an Undisclosed Location
After Hearing Gunfire from William Donohue, the Great White
Hunter of Anti-Catholic Beasts
New Signage Developed to Help Creditors
Find Checks in the Mail
In a daring daylight raid, aerialists from Apple Corp., shouting
"Steve Jobs Rules!" have stolen the Windows logo from Microsoft
headquarters in Redmond, Washington.
As this woman from Turkmenistan demonstrates, one
of the best remedies for boredom is stacking lemons.
Ignignokt and Err Check In to Mooninite Grief Counseling
Center After Cartoon Network Chief Sacked
After testifying in the Scooter Libby trial, Tim Russert
has decided that waterboarding is the only method that
might work to get anyone from the Bush Administration
to tell the truth on Meet the Press.
"Hey buddy! I bet you don't know it's Zombie Pride Day."
"Hey buddy! Can't you tell I'm proud?"
"Hey buddy! If you were as proud as I am, you wouldn't be
reading that trashy Michael Crichton novel."
"The Office of Special Plans," says Doug Feith, "has been smeared
for years by allegations that its pre-Iraq-war work was somehow
'unlawful' or 'unauthorized' and that some information it gave
to congressional committees was deceptive or misleading. WMDs
were in Iraq and they still are; you just can't see them. And when
Saddam Hussein married Osama bin Laden, he gave his bride
the destruction of the World Trade Center as a wedding present."
Unlike Pinocchio, Mary Matalin's nose 
doesn't grow when she lies. Her ears do.
This blurry image of Doug Feith reflects the lack of 'granularity' in
the intelligence his Office of Special Plans supplied in the run-up
to the Iraq War. In other words, it should all have been taken with
many more grains of salt.
"Way cooler than Disneyworld!" exclaimed Jeff Kahn,
after he had been tasered just for the thrill of it.
Iraqi Police Commando Nabs Baghdad
Carpet Bomber

When Harry Potter grew up, he developed what
might be called a Pegasus obsession.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Unbelievable as it may seem, William Donohue,
President of the Catholic League, has been fired
for being pregnant. Asked who the Father was,
Mr. Donohue would only say He was 'Heavenly'.
Surfacing after having failed in his attempt to undermine the
John Edwards presidential campaign, William Donohue,
President of the League of Starnosed Moles, vowed today
to launch a nationwide public relations blitz to convince
voles, gophers, packrats, and prairie dogs that he is
better looking than the Predator.
"Be one of the first 500 to order our 100% organic
FungiFun Dildo for only $19.95, and we'll send you
a second one ABSOLUTELY FREE! Call now!"



When William Donohue speaks, his rhetoric is so
inflammatory the fire marshall insists that an
extinguisher be kept nearby.
If you have been casting about, trying to land
one good reason to become an anti-Catholic
bigot, you might bait your hook with some red
meat and wait for William Donohue to bite.
He's the President of the Catholic League for
Religious and Civil Rights and is a very big fish
in a very small pond.
The Right-Wing Noise Machine

Jonah Goldberg, February 8, 2005:
"I predict that Iraq won't have a civil war, that it will have
a viable constitution, and that a majority of Iraqis and
Americans will, in two years time, agree that the war was
worth it. I'll bet $1,000 (which I can hardly spare right now)."
Jonah Goldberg, February 8, 2007:
"I offered the bet in a foolish fit of pique with Juan Cole.
.... I've admitted that Cole would have won. I've written
that the Iraq War was a mistake. .... I join a long list of
people whose expectations about the war and its
handling turned out to be wrong in whole or in part. ....
For the record, I still support staying there, because
even if it was a mistake to go in when and how we
did, that doesn't mean a precipitous withdrawal
will make things better."
"Good evening. My name is Terry Moran, and I love
my brother, Rick, something fierce. I am very proud of
him, even though he's not nearly as famous as I am.
In
no way do I endorse anything he writes,
even when he praises
me with words, like, 'Well done, brother. And thanks'.

But I will never disavow him, even if he joins the
Ku Klux Klan. I will always defend him as an honorable
man, even if he is arrested someday for being a serial killer.

And I really don't care what anyone
says about it. He is
my brother, and blood
is even thicker than my hair."
In a fit of post-scalpum depression, Rick Moran
writes (re: the Amanda Marcotte affair): "Certainly our
motives lacked nobility. I will be the last to argue that
anything more than 'scalp hunting' animated this effort.
.... Is this all we are? Is this what we have become?"
Are there any answers to these rhetorical questions?
A guy named Rick is the proprietor of Rightwing Nuthouse.
What a Moran!

"I do believe that the president of Venezuela is really destroying his
own country economically and politically. Why else would his
countrymen have overwhelmingly re-elected him two months ago?"
Raking muck is dirty work, but somebody has to do it.

NASA spokesperson Shana Dale seemed to bite her
tongue after she was forced to admit astronauts aren't
superhuman beings from outer space.
Princess Summerfallwinterspring

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Neolithic Ancestors of George Bush and Joe Lieberman
Uncovered by Italian Archaeologists
Why is the world ruled by old men with
gray beards? Why is the world ruled by
old men who wear hats to hide their
bald heads? Why is the world ruled by
old men who wear glasses to disguise their
myopia? Why is the world ruled by old
men who have ears filled with hearing aids?
Why is the world ruled by old men who
start wars for young men to die in?
Why is the world ruled by old men?
Aleksandra Lazarevic could see the sphere of human
happiness on the other side of the glassy wall. But,
like Tantalus, she couldn't quite put her hand on it.
If you ask a goalkeeper, like Alejandro Cichero, what his greatest
fear is, he would probably tell you it's being netted like a salmon.
"As I understand it," says Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the
Federal Reserve Board, "'blog amnesty' means you link
only to blogs you read regularly. Of necessity, this means
you would link to a relatively small number of blogs. Were this
to become the rule in the blogosphere, the link structure
Google and Technorati use to search for--and rank--blogs
would break down. In the near term, this means the only blog
you will read regularly will be your own, because it will be
the only one you can find. In the long term, this would mean
both good news and bad news for the economy."
The ladybug realized, but too late, she shouldn't have
accepted her rival's dare to land on the frozen rose.
"You might be tempted, gentlemen, to describe the
decor of this room as 'busy'. But I had the last guest
who said that flayed alive."

Doug Feith, former Deputy Undersecretary for Defense
Policy and director of the Pentagon Office of Special
Plans, now teaches at the Georgetown University
Walsh School of Foreign Service. He is waiting to
see if he will put the long-awaited Pentagon Inspector
General's report on the Office of Special Plans on his
reading list for his popular course in techniques
of faking intelligence.
"Who in his right mind, Mr. Bremer, would send 363
tons of cash, packed in wooden boxes, into a war zone?"
"Well, Congressman, I had to do that because The
Container Store had run out of large Translucent
Tote Boxes."

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Senator Arlen Specter has learned a member of his
staff inserted a controversial provision into the USA
Patriot Act without his knowledge. "I did not slip it
in and I do not slip things in. I let my staff do that."
John Warner seemed pleased when told he would go
down in history as the first Senator to filibuster his
own resolution. He is also remembered as the first
Senator to marry Elizabeth Taylor.
Before Astronaut Lisa Nowak Went Into Orbit

After

David Broder strongly denies he lies for the money.
He says he lies because he enjoys it, and the
money is just icing on the cake.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Tower of Babel Collapses; Congressman Tom Tancredo
Thought to Be Buried in Multicultural Rubble