B-2 Bomber Crashes; Crew Survives, $1.2 Billion Doesn't

Mother Pucker

Q: How do you know when John McCain is not lying?

A: His mouth is closed.

Bob Lutz, vice chairman of GM, the company which lost $38.7 billion

in 2007, says global warming is "a total crock of shit." It appears his climatological prowess is only exceeded by his inability to sell cars.

If you look closely, you can see Charlie Black, John McCain's top

adviser, conducting his lobbying business by phone from the back

of the Straight Talk Express.

"Sinner, I don't hate you! I just hate your sins!"

Thought Experiment #1

You're freezing to death and burning this 603 carat

diamond will keep you alive just long enough for you

to be rescued. But if you burn it, you will no longer be a

multimillionaire. Would you rather die a multimillionaire

or live in poverty?

"Machetes don't kill people; people kill people!"

Palestinian Demand for Rocks Exceeding Supply;

Import Deal with China in the Works

Vietnamese/Cuban Alliance Strengthened by the

Marriage of Nong Duc Manh and Fidel Castro

If we, like John McCain, surrounded ourselves with lobbyists,

we would probably hate them as much as he does.

“Yeah," said President Bush, "there’s a bubble,

but life’s pretty comfortable inside the bubble.”

Representative Rick Renzi Indicted for

Doing Business 'The Republican Way'

There are days when Ali Akbar, age 82, wonders, "Why is there

something rather than nothing?" Today is one of those days.

Wingnuts Finally Unite to Keep John McCain's

Straight Talk Express on the Road to Election 2008

His approval rating having fallen to 19% in the United States,

George Bush agreed to become the new Emperor of Africa.

Remember when you thought Christopher Hitchens could

hold a cigarette better than any drunk you knew? Those

were the days, weren't they?

"The press loves McCain. We're his base."

The bear thinks you look succulent.

She would like to invite you over for dinner.

RSVP.

"Everybody says that they’re against the special interests.

I’m the only one the special interests don’t give any money to,

except, uh, for the $1.2 million I received from the telephone

utility and telecom service industries. But, uh, don't you dare

think for a minute those contributions have influenced my

decision to vote in favor of giving telecoms retroactive immunity.

Just ask Cindy."

"My children and I not only trust my husband, but know that he

would never do anything to disappoint our family." Isn't this

what Carol Shepp McCain believed before John cheated on her

and then married Cindy Hensley, a young and wealthy heiress?

It was in the UN Meditation Room that Cliff Kincaid
had his vision of the Black Obamunist.

Archaeologists Unearth St. McCain's Feet of Clay

McCain Camp Vows to 'Go to War' with NYT, the

Newspaper That Endorsed Him Last Month

President Bush's Approval Rating Down to 19%;

Pundits Unsure What This Means

The Iseman Cometh

The Flying Fickle Finger of Hillary Clinton's Fate

Paranoia is a psychosis which can only be afforded by the

rich and famous. So relax. Nobody is watching you.

Propaganda Technology Continues to Lag Behind

Motorcycle Technology; Find Out Why Tonight

on News 8 at 10:00

To demonstrate the success of the 'surge' in Iraq, the Republican Party

decided to hold its 2008 convention in Mosul. Unfortunately, a suicide

bomber interrupted the proceedings, and John McCain's nomination

was delayed by delegates whose votes were buried in the rubble.

Fearguth's Rules of Order #12

Keep your monkey dry, because a wet

monkey is an unhappy monkey.

See one Indian soldier and you've seen them all.

God Moves in Mysterious Ways, His Wonders to Perform

During the NeoDark Ages of the Bush Administration,

wherever the shadow of Air Force One fell, the people

believed they had been visited by the Angel of Death.

Freedom's Watch has, as its primary energy supply,

the River of Shit, built at a cost of over $250 million.

President Bush Cutting a Chogie with Rwandan Dancers

Sumo Match Registers 6.1 on the Richter Scale

Grover Norquist's Stormtroopers Launch Attack on

Barack Obama, "a Leftwing, Corrupt Chicago Politician"

The word on the street is that Norman Podhoretz is close to

finishing his next book, World War V: The Long Struggle

Against the Enemies of My Enemies' Enemies.

World's #1 Narcissist Buys Vanity License

Plate for $14 Million

"And I'd be honored to be anywhere with the President

under any circumstances. Call me Bush 44."

Bush

Shrub

Locoweed

When you read or listen to David Brooks, you experience

intense surges of NoHopeAmine, the brain chemical that

fuels sensations of utter despair and suicidal impulses.

Tick .. Tick .. Tick! Can you imagine this old hothead

with his hands on the Nuclear Football?

Every day that Glenn Beck is seen on TV or heard on

radio sets back the Mormon cause another ten years.

Master Blaster Wins Prestigious George Polk Award

Raúl Castro's Ascension to Power Celebrated

by Millions of Flag-Waving Cubans

Underdeveloped Person Burning Tires

Developed Person Burning Tires