Saturday, February 23, 2008

B-2 Bomber Crashes; Crew Survives, $1.2 Billion Doesn't
Mother Pucker
Q: How do you know when John McCain is not lying?
A: His mouth is closed.
Bob Lutz, vice chairman of GM, the company which lost $38.7 billion
in 2007, says global warming is "a total crock of shit." It appears his climatological prowess is only exceeded by his inability to sell cars.
If you look closely, you can see Charlie Black, John McCain's top
adviser, conducting his lobbying business by phone from the back
of the Straight Talk Express.

Friday, February 22, 2008

"Sinner, I don't hate you! I just hate your sins!"
Thought Experiment #1
You're freezing to death and burning this 603 carat
diamond will keep you alive just long enough for you
to be rescued. But if you burn it, you will no longer be a
multimillionaire. Would you rather die a multimillionaire
or live in poverty?
"Machetes don't kill people; people kill people!"
Palestinian Demand for Rocks Exceeding Supply;
Import Deal with China in the Works
Vietnamese/Cuban Alliance Strengthened by the
Marriage of Nong Duc Manh and Fidel Castro
If we, like John McCain, surrounded ourselves with lobbyists,
we would probably hate them as much as he does.

“Yeah," said President Bush, "there’s a bubble,
but life’s pretty comfortable inside the bubble.”
Representative Rick Renzi Indicted for
Doing Business 'The Republican Way'

There are days when Ali Akbar, age 82, wonders, "Why is there
something rather than nothing?" Today is one of those days.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Wingnuts Finally Unite to Keep John McCain's
Straight Talk Express on the Road to Election 2008
His approval rating having fallen to 19% in the United States,
George Bush agreed to become the new Emperor of Africa.

Remember when you thought Christopher Hitchens could
hold a cigarette better than any drunk you knew? Those
were the days, weren't they?
"The press loves McCain. We're his base."
The bear thinks you look succulent.
She would like to invite you over for dinner.
RSVP.
"Everybody says that they’re against the special interests.
I’m the only one the special interests don’t give any money to,
except, uh, for the $1.2 million I received from the telephone
utility and telecom service industries. But, uh, don't you dare
think for a minute those contributions have influenced my
decision to vote in favor of giving telecoms retroactive immunity.
Just ask Cindy."
"My children and I not only trust my husband, but know that he
would never do anything to disappoint our family." Isn't this
what Carol Shepp McCain believed before John cheated on her
and then married Cindy Hensley, a young and wealthy heiress?
It was in the UN Meditation Room that Cliff Kincaid
had his vision of the Black Obamunist.
Archaeologists Unearth St. McCain's Feet of Clay

McCain Camp Vows to 'Go to War' with NYT, the
Newspaper That Endorsed Him Last Month
President Bush's Approval Rating Down to 19%;
Pundits Unsure What This Means

The Iseman Cometh

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Flying Fickle Finger of Hillary Clinton's Fate
Paranoia is a psychosis which can only be afforded by the
rich and famous. So relax. Nobody is watching you.
Propaganda Technology Continues to Lag Behind
Motorcycle Technology; Find Out Why Tonight
on News 8 at 10:00
To demonstrate the success of the 'surge' in Iraq, the Republican Party
decided to hold its 2008 convention in Mosul. Unfortunately, a suicide
bomber interrupted the proceedings, and John McCain's nomination
was delayed by delegates whose votes were buried in the rubble.
Fearguth's Rules of Order #12
Keep your monkey dry, because a wet
monkey is an unhappy monkey.
See one Indian soldier and you've seen them all.
God Moves in Mysterious Ways, His Wonders to Perform

During the NeoDark Ages of the Bush Administration,
wherever the shadow of Air Force One fell, the people
believed they had been visited by the Angel of Death.
Freedom's Watch has, as its primary energy supply,
the River of Shit, built at a cost of over $250 million.
President Bush Cutting a Chogie with Rwandan Dancers
Sumo Match Registers 6.1 on the Richter Scale

Grover Norquist's Stormtroopers Launch Attack on
Barack Obama, "a Leftwing, Corrupt Chicago Politician"

The word on the street is that Norman Podhoretz is close to
finishing his next book, World War V: The Long Struggle
Against the Enemies of My Enemies' Enemies.
World's #1 Narcissist Buys Vanity License
Plate for $14 Million
"And I'd be honored to be anywhere with the President
under any circumstances. Call me Bush 44."
Bush

Shrub

Locoweed

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

When you read or listen to David Brooks, you experience
intense surges of NoHopeAmine, the brain chemical that
fuels sensations of utter despair and suicidal impulses.
Tick .. Tick .. Tick! Can you imagine this old hothead
with his hands on the Nuclear Football?
Every day that Glenn Beck is seen on TV or heard on
radio sets back the Mormon cause another ten years.
Master Blaster Wins Prestigious George Polk Award

Raúl Castro's Ascension to Power Celebrated
by Millions of Flag-Waving Cubans

Monday, February 18, 2008

Underdeveloped Person Burning Tires

Developed Person Burning Tires