“This will be the new Medicare,” said the sociopath

 and junior Republican Senator from Kentucky, 

Rand Paul.

"Yes, Mr. President, as someone once said, 'The world is 

wide in time and tide and my ass is wide.  So, do not hurry'."

"Tête-à-tête I'm familiar with, but beak-to-beak sounds gay,

perhaps even a tad French."

A Sliver of Hillary

A Tube of Newt

Seriously, how much more politics can we stand?

Remember him?  Well, he apparently decided to give

 Mohandas Gandhi a second look.

"But, Rick, we were the best of friends during the sixteen years 

you were in the House of Representatives and the Senate. 

What has come between us?"

"Although I know it makes my wife and daughters sad for 

me to say this, I'll say it anyway:  even though I believe in 

Intelligent Design, I would still like to know why a man 

only has five fingers on each hand."

Citizen of Waterworld Shocked to Discover Anti-Porn

Crusader Going Topless on Puerto Rican Beach

"What's it going to be like, Professor Sowell, when, after 

you die, you discover that Heaven consists of Allen West, 

Alan Keyes, and yourself performing in The Everlasting 

Minstrel Show, attended only by old white people, like 

Pat Buchanan and Newt Gingrich?"

"Yes, as a Creation Scientist and despite what the pale-

ontologists say, I firmly believe that thesauruses, like 

Thesaurus Rex, existed in the time of Adam and Eve."

Pornography (from Greek πορνείᾳ = 'prostitute' + γραϕος = 

'writing'), n.  1.  Anything---books, magazines, photographs,

 records, movies, videos, phone conversations---created for 

the purpose of giving Rick Santorum a stiffy while he is 

unleashing the Hounds of Meese.

"Do you have your Copulator License yet?"

"No.  Do I need one?"

"You're going to if you live in Arizona."

Senator DeMint Sez:  “I think if Americans 

actually find out the truth about our plan to

 abolish Medicare in two years, it will be a

 very big positive for Republicans in the fall.”

Captain Ahab Sez:  "The White Elephant tasks me; 

he heaps me. Yet he is but a mask. 'Tis the thing 

behind the mask I chiefly hate; the malignant thing 

that plagues mankind; the thing that maws and 

mutilates our race, not killing us outright but 

letting us live on, with half a heart and half a lung."

Unwanted Male Pregnancies on the Rise

Warm Scuzzies #271

George Zimmerman

Newt says "the left doesn't be-

lieve the Wright Brothers in-

vented flying."  That's correct:

insects invented flying.  Newt 

also says "the left doesn't be-

lieve Edison invented elec-

tric light."  That's also

correct:  God invented

electric light and called

it 'lightning'.  Newt knows

a lot about the left because

he's a historian.

Alfred E. Neuman Urges Ron Paul to Turn On,

Tune In, and Drop Out

On this St. Patrick's Day, Mitch Daniels reminds us that

Leprechauns are supposed to be cute, not scary.

It's easy to see why Donald Trump 

is an enemy of wind power.

Allegheny Mound Ants, like Mitt Romney, don't wish to

appear ostentatious.  So, when they build a mansion,

most of it is below ground.  

The Angel of Death Wore Cammies

Rick Santorum in Training to Become Stealth Latino

After 91 years, John Demjanjuk---Nazi war criminal---is

finally dead.  And Pat Buchanan is weeping.

Captain Ed Morrissey to Reprise Role of Harry

Lake in Remake of Dick Tracy vs. Cueball

When the Judicial Commission charged him with 

willfully violating the Wisconsin Code of Judicial 

Conduct, Justice David Prosser reflexively responded, 

"What a total bitch!"

Governor Brownback scrubbed his Facebook

 page, but his face remained as ugly as ever.

Two-Minute Haters #25

Bradlee Dean

Brooks Bayne Gets Licked

Rush Limbaugh Sez:  "There’s an army out there that wants 

to be mobilized, and so, I figured, use Twitter for it."

Joyous Japanese Displaying Limbaugh's First Tweet

Governor Brewer Goes to Glamour Shots® 

He says he has always pronounced Boehner as 'boner' and

 sees no reason to stop now.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #372

Bivins Hollar

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #63

Re-Animator 4:  the Revenge of Hackenstein

World's Worst Yobs #244

Leon Wieseltier

GOP: Old White Elephant in Trouble, Poll Says

Rightbloggers and Other 

Internet Biohazards #118

SooperMexican

A shrimp is an invertebrate, i. e., an animal

 without a backbone. Invertebrates constitute 

97% of all animal species. Here we see a 

nice lady and 'Mitt Romney', her pet shrimp.

"If there's 'Cat Blogging', 'Dog Blogging', and 'Ferret

 Blogging', why oh why isn't there any 'Toad Blogging'?"

Gotta Love Paul Ryan's Zombie Eyes!

American League of Lobbyists Hires Lobbyist to Lobby 

Against National League of Lobbyists

Extremely Rare Callipygian Owl Placed 

on Endangered Species List

Little Known Fact #27

Gumby played the English Horn in college.

Ole Perfesser Poophat Celebrates Rape Joke #1,387

"Honey, are we at Peak Wingnut yet?"

"My name is Hijo de la Chingada, Señor

Santorum.  If you would like, I will translate

it into English for you."

Assembly Line

Disassembly Line