Although he says he's ready to ride again, Floyd Landis

still hasn't learned it's not a good idea to look back over

your shoulder.

"Stimulus? Pshaw! Do I look

like I need a stimulus?"

Skinny and the Fat Man believe that the best way to

stimulate the economy is for you to dig a hole, crawl

into it, and die.

A modest proposal: if Rupert Murdoch continues

on his present course and succeeds in totally

bankrupting News Corp., Barack Obama should

award him the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

I Remember Dubya #6

Did it ever occur to Dubya that God had chosen him

to remind the American people that having a full

set of teeth doesn't necessarily make you a better

President than George Washington, who had only

one tooth in his head when he was elected in 1789?

Drudgery Report #8

Testing A-Rod the Slugger for drugs would be drudgery.

"Remember when we were little boys and believed the

holes were caused by termites? We sure laughed more

back then, didn't we?"

"Whaddya mean, 'Jesus is in the House'?"

World's Worst Yoobs #36

Mika Brzezinski

Warning signs like this one are identical to those

which were ignored, unfortunately, as the work of

harmless hackers and merry pranksters in 2000

and 2004. As we look down the Road to the White

House 2012, we should remember the worldly-wise

words of Patti Page, way back in the 1940s:

"Detour, there's a muddy road ahead, detour

Paid no mind to what it said

Detour, oh these bitter things I find,

Should have read

That detour sign."

Author of New Christian Apologetic, Dark Knight

of the Soul, Calls F-Bomb Tirade 'Baleful'

Have you ever wondered what eventually happened

to the author of the witticism, "Never hit a man when

he's down. Kick him; it's easier"?

Where Right-Wing Eliminationists Dine

When he spoke about 'mental recession' last

summer, Phil Gramm must have had Charles

Krauthammer in mind.

News Corp. Suffers Staggering $6.4 Billion Loss;

Murdoch Forced to Re-Think Policy of Hiring

Olbermann's 'Worst Persons in the World'

CEOs, Bankers on Wall Street Used Corporate

Credit Cards for Sex That Charged Outrageous

Interest Rates, Says New York Madam

Subprime Mortgage Foreclosed on Giuseppe Zanotti

Pump; Old Woman and All Her Children Evicted, Join

Ranks of Homeless

"Unfortunately, yer girl ain’t made for camera lenses.

Aside from the fact that I am unable to 'smile for the
camera' without looking terrified, I’m also dead chubby

and I understand the camera adds 10 or 70 lbs. And of

course, the Lord’s overgenerous endowment in my

chestal area makes any notion of camera work unthinkable,

particularly in HD where the girls might terrify some."

The Anchoress

I Remember Dubya #5

George Bush in Training for His Position as

Door Greeter at Elliott's Hardware in Dallas

White House Plans New Faith-Based Council

to Bail Out Old Faith-Based Council

"Being a recovering Carmex junkie yourself, Governor,

what advice do you have for young people who are

tempted to experiment with gateway lip balms,

like Blistex and ChapStick?"

Because So Much Was Riding on His Tires

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #10

Pete Sessions

Nair® Smuggler Nabbed in Australian Airport

Drink Responsibly

"Aren't you just about done back there?"

Another Former Dallas Cowboy Arrested,

Joins America's Team of Innocent Criminals

It's official: Chris Matthews has the narrowest

shoulders of any man in the mainstream media.

From 'Mad Dog of the Middle East' to Chairperson:

How Far Muammar Gaddafi Has Fallen

Kiosque d'Amour Opens in Congo; Operators See

It as First Link in Emerging Chain of Kissing Booths

The Perils of Butt-Sniffing

Dog Prevents Rubber Chicken Attack on Golden Gate Bridge

Spider-Man Takes Up Golf

Flag Desecration #14

Retired Western Leaders Find Pot of Acapulco

Gold at the End of the Rainbow

New Poll Shows Rush Limbaugh Less Popular Than

William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Proctologists

Tegucigalpa Police Keep Soccer Crowd in Line

To watch the Democrats and the Republicans battling

over how to best 'stimulate' the economy is reminiscent

of Godzilla and King Ghidorah going toe-to-toe in

downtown Tokyo: regardless of who triumphs, the

city is going to be destroyed.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #9

Tom Coburn

At the beginning of the interview, the former Vice President

had been rather cool and distant. But when he started talking

about an Obama-caused nuclear terrorist attack on the

U. S., he really warmed up.

"Never you mind those bears who call you 'Four-Eyes'.

You're a Spectacled Bear and that's something to be

proud of."

New Faith-Based Initiative Designed to Save Stock Market

Woman Denies Her Record-Breaking 38KKK Bust Is Racist

Alberto Gonzales Threatening to Contribute

More to His Community and His Country

President Dumbfounded When Second-Grader

Utters Obscene Neologism

"Fortunately, Ms. Couric, we were able to resolve

our connectivity issues without having to call in the

Geek Squad."

Kazakh Officer Explains 'Operation Sandbox'

AP writer Charles Babington, seen by some as a

fantasist, has been captured by the gravitational

pull of Washington forces and now orbits

Columbus Circle.

"Tax cuts! Tax cuts! Tax cuts! Tax cuts!"

"Are those the only two words your parrot knows?"

"Yep, it's a Republican."

This Blackberry was once owned by the Obama

transition team member responsible for vetting

Tom Daschle.

His Game Boy suffered a similar fate.