"Why is it, Governor Brewer, that you

 always seem to remind people of  

Chicharrones, i. e., a 'Crispy Cloud

of Porkaliciousness'?"

"Try again.  I don't smile easily."

If you are rich enough, your house, like Michael Jordan's, 

will be able, like cancer, to metastasize.

Rich as he was, Donald Trump still could only afford a

Dick Tracy 1-way wrist radio.

"Whaddya mean, 'No tongue'?  You're obviously

not a very serious person!"

"No, I'm not the guy from Pennsylvania who owned over

 200 Chihuahuas.  But my dog apparently thinks I do, and 

that's why we're here.  Is the psychiatrist in?"

Still No Vaccine or Cure on the Horizon for the Disease

Called 'Man'

If he could, Anders Behring Breivik would

'Friend' James Holmes on Facebook.

"The latest FBI estimate is that there are only 200 million 

privately-owned firearms in the United States.  But there 

are now 313,995,188 people living in this country.  I ask you:

will the gross imbalance between these two numbers be

 corrected before it's everlastingly too late?" 

#10  Please Frack Responsibly

Judson Phillips Wants to Know Why President Obama Is

Having Gay Sex and Smoking Crack and He Isn't

Boneless Man Sez:  “Anyone who knows Mitt Romney knows 

he doesn’t have a mean-spirited bone in his body.  In fact, 

like me, he doesn't have ANY bones in his body."

Bobby Jindal Putting a Spell on Mitt Romney

"Yup, been followin' my bliss since '42."

Before he became the operator of Mitt Romney's car 

elevator, he had earned a living cleaning the beaks of 

fighting partridges in Afghanistan.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #400

Dave Agema

If Louie Gohmert is representative of 

contemporary 'Christian-Judeo beliefs', 

no wonder atheism is thriving!

"This shooting rampage is brought to you, completely

legally and in full compliance with the law, by

Gander Mountain."

Former President Bush to Skip Republican National 

Convention; "I Didn't Want to Have to Sit in the 

Leper's Corral," He Says

"I think it's trying to say, 'Stop politicizing 

my tragedy!'"

"It's just another one of those dysteleological surds 

we call a 'tragedy', you see.  Tragedies just happen, 

and nothing can be done about them, except to hope 

that we forget the last one before the next one occurs."

Two-Minute Haters #29

Michael Ben-Ari

The United States is now averaging 20 mass shootings

a year.  God bless the NRA!

"What are Obama and Romney going to do about guns?" 

asks Mayor Bloomberg.  That's easy to answer:  

"Absolutely nothing.  Also, pray."

"I don't care what the government says.

I still believe in mermaids."

It's comforting to know that the Batman movie 

shooting in Colorado was not a terrorist attack.

For the first time ever, Michele Bachmann was seen

yesterday running from, instead of toward, a 

TV camera.

"Mr. Zimmerman, do you think it was also 'God's plan' for 

the gunman to kill 12 and wound 59 in Colorado last night?"

Zarathustra's Advice to Penn State Students:

"Beware lest a statue slay you."

Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) Distances Himself from

Greg Peterson

The Republican on the left has been charged with nine

 counts of forcible sexual abuse, seven counts of rape, 

three counts of object rape, two counts of 

aggravated kidnapping, forcible sodomy, assault, 

burglary and sexual battery.  The Republican on the

 right refuses to show his tax papers. 

Department of Homeland Security to Take Advice Henceforth

Only from 'Friendly' Muslims Louie Gohmert Has Hugged

"Don't Tazo me, bro!"

"We the 1% people have given you the 99% people all 

you need to know and understand about our financial 

situation and how we live our life. So, run along and play."

Big Mac Caught Standing in Burger King's Lettuce

"We love it when Charles Pierce writes about the 

'lavatories of democracy'.  Don't you?"

"Not to worry.  Michele Bachmann 

is just off her meds again."

If the Mosquito Drones don't get you,

then the Zombie Gnomes will.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times:

I left Bane Capital in February of 1999!"

Hood ornaments are back.

"So, Judge Napolitano, if I understand you correctly, you

are saying that the only way the country can avoid falling

off the 'fiscal cliff' is to Eat Mor Chikn."

George Zimmerman says "it was all God's plan" for him to

murder Trayvon Martin.  Well, at least he didn't say the

Devil made him do it.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #399

Randi Shannon

If you want to know what happens when you fall off a 

'fiscal cliff', take a good look at Alice Rivlin.

Is it accidental that Mitt Romney changed the spelling of

'Bane' to 'Bain', or is it part of a conspiracy to increase

ticket sales for the latest Batman movie?

Michelle Bachmann Tearfully Acknowledges

Senator McCain Has Been Infiltrated by the

Muslim Brotherhood

CEO Dan Cathy Says Chick-fil-A® Only Puts Certified

Born-Again, Non-Butt-Raping White Chicken Meat

 Between Its Buns

"Everybody's Got Something to Hide 

Except for Me and My Sippy Cupp"

Let it be known to one and all, Jay

Nordlinger is a 'dryback'.