Saturday, November 07, 2009

"Welcome Back My Friends to the Show That Never Ends!"
Pompeii? No, it's today's conservatives who are, in the
words of Sam Tanenhaus, "trapped in postures of
frozen flight, clenched in the rigor mortis of a
defunct ideology."
Warm Scuzzies #33
Judith Regan
Bernie Kerik: a "Toxic Combination of
Self-minded Focus and Arrogance"
Mr. Deeds Goes Phffft!
Markos the Magnificent Makes Tom Tancredo Disappear
Tom Tancredo Reportedly Suffering from
Post-Moulitsas Stress Disorder
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #106
Jim Geraghty
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #56
Rhino Named 'Dede' Targeting Rush for
Some Heavy-Duty 'Scozzafavaing'

Friday, November 06, 2009

"Does it trouble you, Mr. Ailes, that in a recent poll
62% of the American people say that when they
look at you, the first thought that pops into their
minds is 'Jabba the Hut'?"
The creator of the 'World's Largest Meatball'
says the next record he will attempt to break
will involve, in some form or fashion, shoving
it up Rush Limbaugh's nether bifurcation.
If Howard Roark were to enunciate the most important
lesson he learned in life, it would be that 'Capitalism is
Ayn Rand's pudendum systematized'.

Oxymorons for Our Time #9
Republican Renaissance
"Your honor, my client, General Reynaldo Bignone, is
dismayed by a recent Australian study which shows
that bad moods boost memory. He's been in a bad mood
for the past 25 years and that's prevented him from
forgetting the thousands of Argentines he helped
'disappear' during the Dirty War. He's not exactly
expecting you to have mercy on his soul, but he would
appreciate it if you would approve a 90-day refill of
his prescription for Nepenthe."
"If, as you say, 'names are destiny', do you have any idea why
I was named 'Moist' and my brother was named 'Tender'?"
"Funny you should ask. I think I look like
Jack Weston, too. I've always thought his
role as 'Pig' in The Cincinnati Kid was his
finest performance."

What about Grandpa? Doesn't this indolent
teabagger care about him?
What lesson have we learned from the mass shootings
today and yesterday? Regardless of the fact there are
now over 300 million firearms in private and public
hands in the United States today, that's obviously
not nearly enough.
Sarah Palin will be giving a $30-a-head speech in Wisconsin
today. No press, no cell phones, no cameras, no laptops, and
no recording devices of any kind will be permitted inside the
venue. At the conclusion of her address, all audience members
must submit to a Neuralyzer screening before they will be
allowed to leave the premises.
Except for the 43 Million People on Medicare
and the 53 Million People on Medicaid and
All the People at 163 VA Hospitals and . . .
Gams and guns: what more does a man need?
"Jeepers, what a big crybaby!"
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #55

Thursday, November 05, 2009

"Seems like every time I turn around, Rush, I hear you talking
about 'anal poisoning'. Why don't you ever talk about 'rectal
bleeding', 'colon polyps', 'duodenal ulcers', or 'gastrointestinal
problems' in general?"
Always wear goggles and rubber gloves when handling
the suppurations of Jonah Goldberg. If you don't,
you'll be sorry.
Professor Sominex Moments Before He Committed
Auto-Soporification
President Karzai Gets a Glamour Shot, Afghanistan-Style
Political Man Much Too Velocitized to Live in 2009,
Can Only Live in 2010 or 2012
There comes a time in every boy's life when he has to
exchange his toy pistol for the real thing and thus enter
on the path to manhood.
"Is it just a coincidence that the shootings at Fort Hood
occurred at the precise moment when the Tea Party patriots
on Capitol Hill were on the verge of scaling Mount Pelosi and
capturing the attention of the entire Solar System? If you
watch V, as I do, you know the answer to this question."
"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis!"

"Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'."
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #105
Cathie Adams
Rep. Michele Bachmann Calls on Protesters to 'Scare'
Members of Congress into Killing Health Care Reform
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #54
Yet Another Victim of Wardrobe Malfunction
Tennessee Resident Unsure Why His Pickup Truck
Accepted Jesus Christ as Its Personal Savior
"Nothing scares a member of Congress more than a
freedom-loving American lunatic like me."
Broderian Trans-Partisan Fetishists Gathering with
Radical Moderates and Extreme Centrists in the
Middle of the Road in the Center of Town

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Blank Slate #11
Top Stories from November 4, 2009
"Does the Louis Vuitton Bag Come in Red?"
"How Do I Get the President to Given My Disease
an Awareness Month?"
"Will Joe Lieberman Filibuster Health Care
Reform, or Won't He?"
"Circus People"
"This Bitch Owns Her Own Harley"

It was always easy to bring a big grin to Senator DeMint's
face. All you had to do was tell him the story about how
Grant surrendered to Lee at Appomattox.
"Being white is not enough, because there are many
shades of white. So the decisive question is: 'Which
white is the right white'?''
KellyAnne Conway always looks her best when draped
in the fur of dead animals and after her facial wrinkles
have been sandblasted into submission.
"Hey, Sarah! How old were you when you bagged your
first bull moose? I'm only 12, and I can hardly wait to
run for Governor of Minnesota."
How Last Night's Election Results Were Bad
for John Dickerson: a Blank Slate Exclusive
All That Remained After the Battle for
the Sole of the Republican Party
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #53
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #32
Pamela Geller and Michael Bloomberg
Keith Bardwell, the Louisiana JP who refused to
marry an interracial couple, has resigned. He
made his decision after he realized most people
couldn't pronounce the names of his home town,
Ponchatoula, and his parish, Tangipahoa.