Riot Pimp was the only thing

standing between us and the

End of Civilization As We Know It.

When will the Kenyan Usurper show us his

Birthday Certificate?

Sure, Jack Gilchrist is a Romney-class hypocrite, but he 

wants everyone to know that his whining skills were 

developed without the aid of a single dime of state or

federal money.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #404

Mark Clayton

Local Thinker Propounds New Theory That Explains

Why There Are Only 10 Theories About What Mitt 

Romney's Really Hiding in Those Tax Returns

Oklahoma Wildfires Blamed on Climate Change Hoax

Recently-Declassified Photograph #30

Admiral Yamamoto Planning Surprise Attack

on American Religious Freedom

The Ghosts of Penn State's Football Glory Past

Porn star Jenna Jameson and her famous stunt 

breasts announced today that they are endorsing

Mitt Romney for President, adding, "When you're 

rich, you want a Republican in office."

Michele Davis, Former BP Public Relations Flack, Hired to 

Help Contain Romney's Bain Capital Spill

"Hey, buddy!  Wanna buy some Floating Rate 

Structured Repackaged Asset-Backed Trust 

Securities Certificates, Series 2005-2?"

"Hey, Mike!  In the spirit of Nathan's Hot Dog

 Eating Contest, Hooter's Wing-Eating Champion-

ship, and Taco Bell's Soft Taco Challenge, why 

not have a Huckabee's Chick-fil-A® Scarf-a-Thon?"

Despite being a serial polygamist (he's had four wives thus 

far), Rush Limbaugh still has no children. But that may soon 

change.  Rumor has it that he and his current wife are seri-

ously considering adopting a Japanese-made baby-bot.

Warm Scuzzies #313

Stan Heffner

Member of Russian All-Female Punk Trio Says:

  "We Named Our Band 'Pussy Riot' Because

'Girls Gone Wild' Was Already Taken"

Who needs Al-Qaida when all it takes is old people to

steal weapons-grade fissionable materials?

In the Senate runoff between Ted Cruz and David Dewhurst,

1.1 million people voted.  That's 8.5% of registered voters.

The percentage of eligible voters would have been even

smaller.  That's democracy, Texas-style!

SuperDuper Patriot Claims to Be Able to 

Sing the National Anthem, Recite the 

Pledge of Allegiance, Salute the Flag, 

and Eat a Chick-fil-A® Sandwich, 

All at the Same Time

Oprah Debuts Her Real Hare

"I'm here today to prove that not just fat white people

eat at Chick-fil-A®."

Two-Minute Haters #30

Walton Henry Butler

Occam's Blazer

Representative Steve King (R-IA) Sponsors New GOP

'Anguish Only' Bill

Oxymorons for Our Time #133

Ted Cruz's Intellectual Force

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #403

Mike Kelly

Warm Scuzzies #312

John Krenicki

Occupy Chick-fil-A® Now in Its Third Week

Lindsey Graham Shows Chick-fil-Gay Support on Facebook

Two very important things happened today:  1) it was the 

first annual Chick-fil-A® Appreciation Day; 2)  according 

to Representative Mike Kelly (R-PA), “Today is the day 

religious freedom died in America.”

When he agreed to join the campaign to 'fight obesity',

this wasn't exactly what he had in mind.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #402

Kelly Keisling

"I'll call you 'Bibi' and you can call me 'Mittens'.

"They told me Churchill doesn't live here anymore."

Telling an Italian he has no balls is now a crime.

  Even if he is a eunuch?

The only thing worse than the 'Dullest Campaign Ever' 

is reading a column about it written by the 'Dullest 

Pundit Ever'.

'Snoop Dogg' Becomes 'Barking Lion'

Autotattoographer Says He Is Running Out of Space

 to Tell His Life Story

Determined not to make the same mistake John McCain

made in 2008, Mitt Romney has chosen one of his Bane 

Capital silent partners---who bears an uncanny resemblance

 to former Vice President Dick Cheney---to vett potential 

vice presidential running mates.

Since the days of the Renaissance, it had been customary for

artists to depict God the Father as a benevolent old man with 

a beard.  In more modern times, God the Father was still 

thought of as an old man with a beard.  But, he was no

 longer benevolent, having become a bankster.

"See that guy over there?  I can tell he is coveting our houses, 

our maidservants and manservants, our oxen and asses.  But, 

most of all, he is coveting your outfit.  Must be a drag queen

with expensive tastes and not a lot of money."

Now that Willard Romney is palling around with one of 

the most famous union leaders in history, can schmoozing

with terrorists be far behind? 

Judging from Mitt Romney's facial expression, Jerusalem

must be a pretty funny place these days.

When you heard his name and saw his face, why

did you automatically think, "Lowell Turpin is

from Tennessee, the same state where Glenn

 Reynolds teaches law?"  Don't you realize that 

stereotyping is wrong? 

Romney Says 2012 Overseas Tour Will

Be Retroactively Cancelled in 2015

Attendees at the Republican National Convention in Tampa

will have to make some tough decisions.  Like, for example,

whether to pay a $20 cover charge for admission to Mons 

Venus, a totally-nude strip club which doesn't serve alcohol.

If Romney spox Rick Gorka is going to tell the press, 

while in Poland, "Kiss my ass!", he could at least say it 

in Polish:  "Pocałuj mnie w dupe!"

When Little Lord Fauntleromney grew up, 

he became a high-school bully.

For some reason, looking at Bill Keller brings the word,

'crapulent', to mind.

The Polish word for Ann Romney's very expensive 

dress is dziwaczny, which means, 'cockamamy'.

Sheldon Adelson Named Jerusalem's 'Combover King'