American Schutzstaffel #47

This big, it's called a 'Hellapeenya!'

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #607

Don Barrington

Dancin' Dinesh

Dancin' Dude Doin' D'Souza

House Majority Whip Stars in

Remake of Hollywood Classic

Yes, there is scientific evidence that

Arthur Godfrey died from lung

cancer and emphysema.

In the Palin household, it's a dog's life indeed.

Cheetahs could run faster if they didn't take time out 

to convert miles to kilometers.

Was William Mattson arrested for sexual assault or 

for being a zombie?  Opinions differ.

Metaphor Mixology #6

The suffocating din of a brewing race scandal 

set alarm bells ringing off the hook.

Police Chief's Gun Misfires in Bed, Wife Now in Critical

 Condition; "Never Before Was a Nocturnal Emission

So Deadly," Observer Says

"We understand, Senator Reid, that Senator McConnell

is still in the hospital."

Even though the Cat Nebula is over 3,000

 light-years from Earth, it seems much closer.

One small step for Trig.  One giant

leap for Palinkind.

Think of John Boehner as the GOP's nicotine addiction, 

and something like scales will fall from your eyes.

"Honey, are the kids ready to go to Bullets and Burgers?"

When Harry Met Jungle Gym

When Muffler Man Ruled the Earth

Grand Old Party Limo the House Majority Whip

Brought from Louisiana as His 'Work Car'

"Feed us, Mama

Feed us all night long!"

I Remember Dubya #66

Looking deep into Putin's soul, Dubya discovered a

 fellow admirer of Zippy the Pinhead.

Happy New Year to One and All!

"I've finally reconciled myself to the fact that I'll be

a Corgi for the rest of my life.  What about you?"

In his earlier New York Times bestseller, Liberal Fascism, 

Jonah Goldberg alerted us to the political dangers of 

liberalism.  But in his new book, Liberal Fashionistas,

he warns us of the artistic dangers, what's really

 waiting for us at the end of the runway of 

liberalism.

Aren't we all over Elisabeth Hasselbeck defending

Christianity in a red dress?  Seriously, when is she going

to realize we won't be over attacks against  Christianity

until she catches up with the latest fashion and starts 

wearing a blue dress?

Does anybody know how many followers you must have on 

Twitter before you can declare yourself the Messiah?

He had always gotten by with the help of his friends, 

and his friends had always gotten by with his.  At 

age 64, Rick Perry had the face he deserved.

"I'm sure you're just as relieved as I am that you didn't 

receive one of TPM's 'Worst Tweets of the Year Awards'."

This just in from the Twitter Machine:

"Viewed strictly as a threat to U. S. public

health, more people died from laughing at 

Chuck Johnson in 2014 than died from

 Ebola."

The person most likely to be killed by a gun is the gun owner, 

through suicide.  So: is suicide when a good guy with a gun 

shoots a bad guy with a gun, or vice versa?

Over the past five years, the NYPD has settled 10,000

civil rights cases for $428 million.  Just imagine how many 

army surplus MRAPs it could have purchased with that

much money!

The Politico Illustrated #38

"The House majority whip has already gone into 

full damage-control mode."

The first Bobcat in 100 years on Jekyll Island is believed

to have once belonged to a Mr. Edward Hyde.

David Duke with Baggage

"I'm like David Duke without the baggage."

Jesus toast tastes better made from Wonder Bread.

Chattanooga Woman Points Loaded Gun at Cop, 

But Is Not Shot 6 Times, Because She Was 

the Wrong Color and Hadn't Stolen Any Cigars

Please be advised that the Louisiana congressman who

accidentally addressed a white supremacist conference

in 2002 is not the same guy who accidentally killed a

rare grey wolf in Utah in 2014.

Who does Sam Brownback remind you of?  Hopefully,

no one you know.

Clayton Morris, Fox News' donut sprinkler, fears he may

be laid off when the FDA's ban on trans fats goes into effect.

So, according to Alexander Waugh's new book, William 

Shakespeare was a sock puppet.   And the hand inside once 

belonged to Shari Lewis. Except that it wasn't really her 

hand but one of the hands of Orlac.  Except it had 

originally belonged to Vasseur the murderer . . .

Batrachia Grimmii Sez:  "The decision to quit was difficult, 

but it did not break my spirit."

["Brekekekèx-koàx-koáx!"]

Westboro Baptist Church Identifies Cause of AirAsia 

Plane Crash and Explains Why God Laughs

Michael Grimm.  Broken in half.  Like a boy.

'Candid Camera' used to be just a TV show.  

We all now live in it.

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #102

Son of Chucky:  Out of the Toy Box Again!

Rehabilitation and redemption of selfie sticks is possible.

1. Michael Grimm prays to God, asking Him whether

he should resign from Congress.

2.  Michael Grimm announces he will resign from

Congress, effective January 5.

3.  See, all you skeptics: God does answer prayers!

World's Worst Yobs #321

Jay Caruso