David and Charles Koch view politicians as "actors playing

out a script." Part of what they want to do with their billions

 is to "supply the themes and words for the scripts" by

influencing "the areas where policy ideas percolate

from: academia and think tanks." This is true, but only 

partially.  They also want to pour their money directly

into local elections, as they have in Wisconsin. If she were

still alive, Ayn Rand would doubtless write a novel about

the Koch brothers, entitled, Koch Blak.

Japanese authorities are now saying that Blythe Dolls, even

those exposed to 10,000 millisieverts of radiation, will never

equal the destructive power of Godzilla.

US to Change Air Controller Rules:  "No More FAA-Themed

Snuggies Allowed on the Job," Officials Say

"The government is too damn big and I'm too damn small,

so don't tread on me!"

Allegories for Our Time #21

Bird Deciding What to Do Next as Commander-in-Chief

of a Fossilized Cape Buffalo

[h/t:  Betsy]

"I'll be damned, Mr. President!  I had no idea you

enjoyed being Photoshopped as much as I do!"

"Do you understand why all three of you are standing there

 with your arms crossed? If you knew the fundamental

vocabulary of body language, you would know that crossed

arms serve as both a defensive shield and a reassuring

self-hug. This is understandable, given the fact that you're

standing in the presence of the President of the United

States of America, the most powerful person in the world."

Senator DeMint has said he will go "to extreme lengths to

prevent a vote on raising the debt ceiling, even if it hurts

the Republican Party politically."  Asked to give examples 

of which 'extreme lengths' he has in mind, the Senator

mentioned screeching and crying, holding his breath,

clenching his fists, stamping his feet, falling to the

ground and kicking his feet in the air, and 

clamping his eyes shut. 

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #109

Adrian, Jim Hoft, Andrew Breitbart,

Glenn Reynolds, and Dana Loesch

Porky's thoughts turned to love when Petunia

started showing him her favorite Paul Ryan pie

 charts and bar graphs. 

"Feed me! Feed me! Feed me!

Feed me all night long

That's right, boy

You can do it

Feed me all night long

'Cause if you feed me,

I can grow up big and strong!"

World's Worst Yoobs #95

Elizabeth Blackney

Not even Rick Santorum knew that his own presidential

campaign slogan---'Fighting to Make America, America

Again'---had been borrowed from Langston Hughes, the

gay, black, pro-union, pro-immigrant poet, novelist, and

playwright, who was often accused of being a Communist

 or, at least, a Communist sympathizer. But why should

Rick know that?  He's only a candidate for the highest

political office in the land.

"Honey, Timmy is begging for a another margarita."

"Jeez! I thought he only drank sangria."

"Mr. Brooks, the other day you wrote, 'Every few years,

Republicans try to reform the welfare delivery systems to

 make them more marketlike'.  How is making 'welfare

delivery systems' more 'marketlike' different from

abolishing them altogether, as the Republican Party

is now proposing?"

Robin Hood:  Steals from the Rich

and Gives to the Poor

Hood Robin:  Steals from the

Poor and Gives to the Rich

Oxymorons for Our Time #95

Netanyahu Peace Plan

Emil Blatz has been advised that if he wishes

to be a rich man, he must first diversify his

portfolio of needs.

"I look very much forward to showing my

financials, because they are huge. Far bigger

than anyone knows. Far bigger than anyone

would understand."  [His friends say 

'financials' is the euphemism Trump

prefers when referring to his balls.]

"I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had

 a great relationship with the blacks."

Rush Limbaugh was stunned when he learned the language

he uses to call Barack Obama's supporters 'savages' and

 'walking human debris' is a descendant of the mother

 tongue of mother tongues, which arose in Africa

50,000 years ago.  He is so upset, in fact, that he

 is said to be considering eschewing language

 altogether, communicating henceforth only by

means of rude noises and gestures.

What do you see in this picture: 

Individuals or a Collective?  You

can see both, can't you?  And, if

you had to judge which was superior,

what would you say? If you were

Ayn Rand or Rand Paul, you would

say Individuals are superior to the

Collective, even though it is composed

of other Individuals.   Individuals,

you see, are created equal and,

taken together, constitute the

Collective.  But, you see, some

Individuals are more equal

than others, and are therefore

superior to the Collective.

If you're old enough to remember, you know that 'Flesh' was

the only stick in your box of Crayolas--even if you could afford

 the big one containing 64 colors--that attempted to represent

the hue of human skin.  And even it was something of a weird

 pink, like the color of the cheap salmon your mother bought

in a can to make croquettes on Tuesday night.  Well, times

have changed, and now Crayola offers a box of markers

representing eight different shades of human skin.  And,

as you might expect, the anti-multiculturalists over at

Fox News don't like it.  They prefer to believe they

live in a world where 'Flesh' means a whiter shade

of pale and nothing else. 

He had been warned, more than once, that if he went to

a Bassnectar show, his face would melt. Well, he went.

And it did.

What's the difference between 'GOPer' and 'Gomer'?

That's right, only one letter.

"Remember, boys and girls, vote for Howdy

Doody and Buffalo Bob, the Bamboozle Box

Party ticket in the 2012 presidential race!"

It all got started with the idea of a 'Shotgun Wedding', and

then it just seemed to get out of hand.

For Those Who Haven't Yet Seen the New

Dolly Parton Uplift Bra® with Pigeon

Forge Technology™

"I strongly recommend that you place your orders with The

Scooter Store soon, before we merciful Republicans are

forced to put Medicare to sleep."

Donut Lovers Say:  "It takes real chutzpah for the United

States to accuse Iran of 'meddling' in the Middle East."

Governor Tea-Paw Bridgefail had claimed to have a 'Red-Hot

Smoking Wife', but nobody could imagine a woman like that 

ever marrying him.

Verdict Still Out on What Women Will

Attract While Wearing Bacon-Infused

Cologne

Greedheads Galore #9

Rex Tillerson

I Remember Dubya #48

"Ten years from now, in 2011, we will have

paid down all the debt that is available to

retire. That is more debt repaid more quickly

than has ever been repaid by any nation at

any time in history."

President Accidentally Euthanizes Vice President

The Day Before the Senate Subcommittee on Investigations

Recommended Perjury Charges for Lloyd Blankfein

The Day After

"If you are among the first 100 people to call,

I'll double your order for free!"

New 'Monkeys for Open Carry' Recruiting Poster

Exploratory Surgeon

Exploratory Presidential Candidate

Dim Bulb Lectures Senate on Why Ayn Rand's Prose in

Anthem Is Incandescent, Not Fluorescent

"Thank you, Ms. Bachmann, for saying what I've always

believed, that LensCrafters is really a front for Big Abortion."

The Eight Stages of Psychosocial Regression

"Doesn't the fool piloting that plane know the runway

is closed?"

"Oh, it's some goofy Okie by the name of Inhofe.  He

 thinks the big red X painted on the runway is part of

 the Global Warming Hoax and just ignores it."

"A recent study from the Bram Stoker Society shows that a

pocket-sized copy of the Constitution works better than either

a crucifix or garlic in fending off vampire attacks."

"When I said 'I am running for President'

 and 'I'm focused on running for President', 

I did not intend for these to be factual

statements."

Laurent and Simone Gbagbo Need James Inhofe to Find

 Them a Room in the C Street Evangelical Flop House

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #294

Ryan Sorba