In the Early Days of Electronica

Like the youth who claimed he read Playboy for the articles, 

the baby claimed he suckled at his mother's breast for 

the nutrition.

Quite obviously, the Wisconsin food stamp 

police are unaware of the erotic potential 

of cheese curds.

[Blocking access to Velveeta has to qualify as 

cruel and unusual punishment.]

Baltimore police say the ant had been squashed for making 

eye contact with officers and then crawling away.

David Brooks Prepares to Explore

'The Nature of Poverty' for the

New York Times

Warm Scuzzies #551

Mile High Heating & Cooling, Inc.

As time went on, Greg Abbott began to look and sound like

 Jimmy Swaggart more and more.  Their only significant

difference was that Jimmy had been defrocked for

sexual improprieties and Greg hadn't.

"What's Mike Huckabee so worked up about?"

"Oh, he's just speaking Jesus again."

Ben Shapiro gets the old heave-ho from

David Horowitz's Truth Revolt.  Who will 

be next to 'unmask leftists in the media, destroy

 their credibility, and devastate their funding'? 

Stay tuned!

Pat McDonough Sez:  “All Your Food Stamps 

Are Belong to Me!”

"See!  I told you Jeb Bush had never been wormed, but

 you just wouldn't believe me!"

"I called David Koch and pretended I was Scott Walker.

I really had him going until I didn't ask for any money

 and he knew immediately I wasn't a goggle-eyed 

homunculus."

What Really Severed Freddie Gray's Spine Was When 

He Dived 50 Feet into a Moist Sponge

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #626

Mat Staver

Two Jacobins, Proud Members of the Cult of 

Sexual Autonomy

See the madness!  Feel the madness!  Be the madness!

Shouldn't someone tell Bob Welch that Jade Helm 15 is 

just a red herring to distract from the fact that Texas 

already has 31 permanent military installations?

What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #19

A Jade Helm 15 Texas Takeover Map

Texas discount shoppers were deeply distressed and 

agitated when they learned their local Walmart was in

 cahoots with the Army's Jade Helm 15 plot to confiscate

 their guns and impose martial law.

Attempted Military Takeover of Texas Thwarted by

the Lone Star State's Own Dynamic Duo,

Ted Nugent and Greg Abbott

GOP Blames Baltimore Riot on Hillary Clinton's 

Email Server

Why Ronald McDonald Is Going to Be Sacked

The mass of GOPers today are leading lives

 of noisy desperation.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #625

Kevin Calvey

IT continued to spy, but IT kept IT so secret IT didn't

 know IT was doing IT, until one day IT didn't know

 what IT was and everybody started asking, "What is IT?"

United States, Inc.

A gay Republican legislator from

North Dakota who votes against

gay rights says it's only an accident

his name is Randy Boehning.

This young man is about to commit a 'senseless act of

violence'.  Isn't an act of violence 'senseless' by definition?

Or, are there 'sensible acts of violence'?

Immigration Reform Plans #2

Mexican-American Residents of Wisconsin Propose Simple, 

One-Step Immigration Reform Plan: Build a Wall Around 

Scott Walker

Marco Rubio says, “There is no federal constitutional right

 to same-sex marriage."  There is no federal constitutional

right to opposite-sex marriage, either.  In fact, the word

'marriage' does not appear in the Constitution at all.

Marco may as well have said, "There is no Declaration

 of Independence right to same-sex marriage" or "There is

no End-User License Agreement right to same-sex

marriage."

April Is the Cruelest Month

When he began to act as if he were hanging on the cross, 

you knew Senator Cruz's Messianic Complex had gone 

full tilt boogie.

John Nolte Sez:  "Like sex outside of marriage or 

lying, homosexuality is a sin, being gay is not."

[So if someone asks, "Are you homosexual?"

you can truthfully reply, "No, I'm gay."]

Roil Jordan, roil

Roil Jordan, roil

He's gotta repeal Obamacare

Before he dies.

Is Cedric Green a criminal or a cop?  Judging by his looks

alone, it would be hard to tell which.  Actually, he's both:

  a New Mexico cop who turned off his body cam before

beating an unresisting suspect, then turning it back on

 after satisfying his sadistic impulse.  He's now been 

charged with misdemeanor aggravated battery and 

is on administrative leave.

Mike Huckabee Sez:  "We are moving rapidly towards the 

criminalization of Christianity.”

[If  Mike's a Christian, we're not moving toward 

criminalization nearly rapidly enough.]

They outnumbered him 30 to 1, but he had them surrounded.

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #59

David Morgan

The difference between Leaders and Followers is this:  

Leaders pretend to know where we're headed and 

Followers don't even pretend.

"If you think my Joy Buzzer is funny, Rick, you should

sit on my Poo-Poo Cushion."

John McCain is such a cheater he even peeks when he

does a facepalm.

Bruce Jenner credits eating Wheaties

for converting him from a male

liberal Democrat to a female

conservative Republican.

Rick Barclay Sez:  "'Murica!  'Murica!  'Murica!"

[He's so patriotic he buys pocket-size

Constitutions by the case.]

How long will we have to keep reminding ourselves that

 Fat Tony Scalia is not the Capo de Tutti Frutti of the

 Lou Costello Crime Family?