When Ann Coulter explained that she couldn't run for 

President because she had had two affairs, nobody 

believed her.

Whiteworld #9

Back then, children, Old Whites liked to make fun

 of Dead Blacks.

Two-Minute Haters #26

Wanda Derby

Doesn't Play Well with Others

Warm Scuzzies #278

Scott Rasmussen

Things had gotten so tough in Blue Goose Bucksnort, 

Tennessee, that the Ole Perfesser was forced to 

eat his next of kin.

The Potrzebie Prize #18

Professor Glenn Reynolds Bemedalled

for Calling President Barack Obama

a 'Racist Hatemonger'

Matt Doheny (R-NY) Celebrates His Upcoming June

Wedding by Getting Better Acquainted with Two 

Campaign Aides

Pre-April Fools' Day Joke

The security detail assigned to Governor Rick Perry

during his failed run for President has cost Texas

taxpayers more than $3.6 million.

"Yes, Governor Romney, this is called a 

'spine', something you're probably not

familiar with."

Joe Bob Briggs Sez:  "You ever get out your 

high school yearbook and find pictures of 

zombies in there?"

Good Golly, Miss Molly

"Even though he doesn't wear lilac socks like I do, I still 

endorse Mitt Romney for the Republican presidential

nomination."

New Photographic Technique Reveals That Mitt Romney Is

 85% BPI® Boneless Lean Beef (aka Pink Slime)

As George Carlin once pondered, “Would world history 

have been different had there been only Two Stooges?”

ExxonMobil to Cut Out Middle Man in 2016 and 

Run Directly for President Like Any Other Person

Newticle, Newticle, He's So Cuticle!

While touring Beef Products, Inc., in South Sioux City, 

Nebraska, Governor Rick Perry took time out to explain

 how eating pink slime has made him the man he is today.

South Sioux City, Nebraska, Residents Demand Hy-Vee 

Grocery Chain Sell Pink Slime; "We'd Drink Raw 

Sewage Through a Straw So Long As It Created Jobs,"

They Say

Robert Zimmerman, George Zimmerman's father, just goes

to show that rotten fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.

Anheuser-Busch Attempting to Intimidate

 Wholesalers into Dropping Distribution of

 Craft Beers by Threatening to Make

 Them Drink Bud Light

Six-Pack Abs

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #4

Sister Toldjah

Not even a gag order could stop Alicia Silverstone's 

practice of mouth-to-mouth regurgitation.

Rick Santorum Sez:  “Friends don’t let friends use pink balls.” 

Adventures in Lexicology #7

Tragic Johnson, n.  A small dick that loses 

contact with reality and becomes a big prick.

If and when he is asked to address a 

joint session of the House and Senate,

 will Pope Benedict be permitted to wear 

his hat?

Bobby Rush (D-IL) has been removed from the floor of the 

House of Representatives for wearing a hoodie. House 

rules prohibit the wearing of hoods while the House is in 

session.  "Members need to remove their hoods and 

check them at the door, just as I always do," explained 

Acting Speaker Gregg Harper (R-MS).

NRA Now Selling Concealed Handgun Hoodies, 

But Only to Members with a High Skin Albedo

 as Certified by a Pigmentometer

As a young man, Eric Cantor imagined himself as Count 

Henri de Beauvray, a confirmed bachelor, who, in Victor 

Herbert's operetta, Mlle. Modiste, sings "I Want What I 

Want When I Want It" (lyrics by Henry Blossom), a song 

about the evils of marriage.  Today, Eric has been married

for 23 years, is the father of three children, and is just

another Romneyite flip-flopper. 

Swaziland May Make Insulting King Mswati III on Twitter 

or Facebook a Crime; Definition of 'Insulting' to Include

 Posting His Picture, Which Always Makes People Laugh

Santorum Is Beginning to Crack, Say Experts

Supreme Court to Not Rule on Obamacare 

Until the Media Reaches a Verdict First

Warm Scuzzies #277

Corrections Corporation of America

Timothy Dolan Sez:  "Kermit was right:  it's not easy

being green."

Governor Rick Perry of Texas to Tour Beef Products, 

Inc.,  Will Join Governor Terry Branstad of Iowa in

 First Annual 'Pink Slime Eating Contest', Under the

 Aegis of the International Federation of 

Competitve Eating

Before Senator Rand Paul went under the oil slick for the

third time, he was heard singing, "Glory, Glory to

Big Oil Almighty!"

We simply must find a way to make 

sanity more affordable.

Uh-oh, there's a French version of Sarah Palin.

"There’s trouble enough for minority boys and young men 

not to provoke mad responses from paranoid jerk offs, 

like me."

Whilst wearing a hoodie, Geraldo apologized for telling the 

truth about the dangers of minority kids wearing hoodies, 

instead of three-piece suits from Men's Wearhouse,

like the ones Thomas Sowell wears.

"My, the Earth is sure looking brown these days."

"Must be smog."

"Nah, it's bullshit."

Mitt Romney's New Vacation Home to Be Equipped with Car 

Elevators, Outdoor Showers, and Its Very Own Lobbyist 

Rush Limbaugh's BFF Writes Book on 

How to Improve Your Personal Hygiene

What a day for a daydream about Andrew Breitbart's 

'Testicular Titanium'.

When the facts finally emerged, it was determined that 

Trayvon Martin, while on school suspension and high 

on marijuana, had held up George Zimmerman at gun-

point, stealing his hoodie, his ice tea, and his bag of 

Skittles.  But, in making his getaway, Trayvon tripped 

over his saggy pants and accidentally shot himself 

in self-defense.

If you drop a contact lens on a light-colored surface, 

it's  hard to find.

When fuel prices go up in Indonesia, students burn old tires.

Burning new tires is more effective, but they are too poor 

to do that.

He had been warned by his doctor to cut back on his

consumption of raw politics.

"Hi, I'm Newt Gingrich, and did you know that for only $50, 

you can have your photo taken with me?  Be sure to tell all

 your animal friends."