Two-Minute Haters #34

Joey Heck

Adventures in Lexicology #9

Teabaggie, n.  A Teabagger with a degree from

Texas A&M.  [Rick Perry is the #1 Teabaggie

in Texas.]

According to a new Census Bureau report, 12,000 

more Sarah Palin-like 'white Americans' died than 

were born between July 1, 2011 and July 1, 2012.

And now for the bad news . . .

Schoolchildren in Texas can now legally wear Santa Claus

suits and say 'Merry Christmas' anytime they

goddam please.

A Good Question, Even If You Don't Have Cats

Bipartisan Ship Runs Aground in Sea of Frozen Ideologies

Rupert Murdoch Interviewing Applicants to Be His

Fourth Wife, Says He's Looking for a Hottie

with Advanced Cream-Pie Deflecting Skills

Bill Clinton Says Obama Risks Looking Like a 'Wuss' 

and 'Total Fool' for Not Getting Extramarital Blowjobs

Wendy's Softserv Mainliner

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #503

Jeff Duncan

“I have a high level of confidence that NSA surveillance 

is used to protect us and I know that it has been successful 

in preventing terrorism.”

"Ahh, ahh, spooky, mmm, spooky, ahh, ahh, ahh,

 spooky, ooh, spooky

Ahh, aah, aah, spooky!"

Trent Franks Drops Akin Turd in

Arizona Shitter

Jakarta Children Allowed to Exist on Condition

 of Anonymity

Why are we not surprised to learn that Jeff Flake, 

one of America's most unpopular Senators, 

has a racist and homophobic son?

Edward Snowden Causes Ted Cruz's Libertarian

Persona to Split from His Conservative Persona

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #140

Whistler's Mother

Predator's Mother

Can't you sleep better at night knowing the FISA Court

is the last bastion standing between you and tyranny?

Hey, it has rejected .03% of all government surveillance

requests!  What more could you want?

Charlie Brown Put on a Brave

Face When He Learned That

Snoopy Had Become the Mascot

for the NSA

Snoopy Trying to Decide

Whether Becoming the

Mascot of the NSA Was

a Good or Bad Idea

Stuart Smalley Sez:  "The Fourth Amendment to the

Constitution?  Fuck it!  I'm having a personal crisis."

Regardless of the ultimate outcome of Ed Snowden's

whistleblowing, something very useful  has already 

happened:  ideological 'bright lines' have been blown to

smithereens, with liberals finding themselves allied with 

conservatives, and vice versa.  When was the last time

you heard Michael Savage ranting against Fox News,

and Dianne Feinstein and John Boehner singing

'Treasonous Traitor' in two-party harmony?  Now

we can more clearly see where the ideological

'bright lines' are really drawn.

Clappertron to Be Centerpiece of New Secret 

NSA Utah Data Center

Al Franken Sez:  “I can assure you, this is not about

 spying on the American people.”

['Spying' once meant 'secretly collecting 

information'.  Now that we know what

the NSA is doing, it's no longer 'secret'

and is therefore no longer 'spying'.]

When there's only one passenger left in the elevator, as is

usually the case when Ted Cruz steps aboard, it's easy to

tell who broke wind.

"Crest Pro-Health makes my mouth feel 

brighter, fresher, cleaner."

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #84

Watchers V: the NSA Is Off the Leash

President Obama wants you to know how much he 

enjoys reading your email.

No user-serviceable parts inside.

"Sécurité nationale, c'est moi."

The Day Little Johnny Got His Hands on 

Dad's XXX-Ray Machine

Warm Scuzzies #401

Booz Allen Hamilton

Big Bro

You know President Obama has come down on the 

wrong side of the issue when Hugh Hewitt, the Wall 

Street Journal, Andrew McCarthy, John Hinderaker, 

Mark Steyn, Ramesh Ponnuru, and John Yoo join 

him in defending the NSA's domestic surveillance

activities.

Little Known Fact #38

Erick Erickson uses a photo of smooching lesbians as

wallpaper on his laptop.

Erick Erickson Sez:  “When you look at biology, look 

at the natural world, the roles of a male and a 

female in society, and other animals, the male 

typically is the dominant role.”

[Maybe providing a path to citizenship for 

immigrants, like Erick (from Planet of the Apes),

wasn't such a good idea after all.]