"Apparently, you are there and I'm not. And that's
the way it is, July 18, 2009."

"Yes, Tim Geithner and Madeleine Albright
'have my back' at the moment, but I don't know
if that's just a cliche or if they really are
standing behind me right now."

Twitter or Shitter? When it comes to Howie Kurtz,
what's the difference?

Big Head Todd

and the Monsters

What if it turned out that making love and
making war were two sides of the same coin?
What then?

Most people don't know that Bill Murchison's
career as a nationally-syndicated conservative
columnist was launched when he won the Ugliest
Man on Campus contest as an undergraduate.

The 'long form' of Barack Hussein Obama's birth
certificate has finally been released. First, the good
news for birthers : our current President wasn't born
on August 4, 1961, in Hawaii. Second, the bad news:
he was born behind the grassy knoll in Dallas, Texas,
on November 22, 1963.

Bildungblog Exclusive!
World's Biggest Bong Discovered
at Birther Boot Camp

Maybe it's true that Joakim Noah's Y-Chromosome
is bigger than David Stern's.

Remember this jerk? Well, while there's a lot to be said
in favor of a good memory, sometimes it's better to forget.

Want to feel vicariously the chill of hatred
and the thrill of madness? All you have to
do is empathize for a few minutes with
Senator Jim DeMint (R-SC).

Having enjoyed 30 Days of Fame as the 'World's
Oldest Man', Henry Allingham, age 113, died today
while chortling at all the losers who get, at most,
only 15 Minutes of Fame.

Of all the network offers to provide a friendly
place where aides to Governor Mark Sanford
could frame the conversation to their boss'
advantage, only David Gregory promised to
supply the Anal Lube for free.

What really ended the affair between Governor
Sanford and his Argentine mistress was when
she said she was tired of carrying all the camping
gear for their hikes on the Appalachian Trail.

No-Melt Chocolate Created By Swiss
Identified by Consumer Product
Safety Commission as Choking Hazard

"Look, dude, we're facing a serious logistical
challenge here, so could you please dial back
the sexual innuendo a notch or two?"

Teens' Numb Thumbs Caused by Texting;
Seniors' Thumbs Up Caused by Sexting

Q: "What would Pat Buchanan have to say to get

himself fired from MSNBC?"

A: "Good Lord, Mr. Tillinghast, that was a rusty load!"

Other than a barricade across the road to health

care reform, can anyone think of another use

for Senator Mary Landrieu (D-LA)?

Kindle (aka 'Memory Hole')

If you have to ask how much it costs

to buy a conservative lobbying group,

you really can't afford one.

Why is it most people favor 'Obamacare'
over 'Malkincare'?

"Yes, my child, I broke my wrist. But you should see the
shiner I gave that Dunker who tried to immerse God's
Vicar in his own bathtub!"

In one sense, this is a picture of Joe Lieberman.
In another sense, it is a picture of what goaded
some chemist into formulating Preparation H.

Atwater City Councilman Offers a Recent Photograph
as Proof That He Isn't Capable of Understanding
What Racism Is

The Unexpurgated Bible #22
"And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them
up, and their houses, and all the men and women that
appertained unto Centrism, and all their goods. And
the people said, 'Good riddance, O Lord, good riddance!"

You know you're a Ho when people say
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" and it's July.

Republican Senator Announces He'll Vote for
Sotomayor as Soon as Somebody Jump Starts
His Pacemaker

C Street Group to Re-Brand as
'Whoremongers R Us'

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #19
I Suck Your Flesh 2: The Joy of Sachs

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #57

Catherine Crabill

What Got Dirk Nowitzki in Trouble with Cristal
Taylor, Crystal Ann Taylor, Christian Julie
Wellington, Christian B. Travino, Crystal Nobles,
Christy Nobles, Kristi Briana Westerhauf, Cristal
Taylor Westerhaus, Christa A. Westerhays, Deborah
Jackson, Shana Mancini, Crista Santiago, Crystal
Ann Santiago, Crystall Ann Taylor, and Kristin
L. Rogers--Who, As it Turned Out, Was the Same
Woman Who, Using Multiple Aliases, Had Fallen
in Love with His Tongue

Let's face it, folks. We Americans always seem
to be able to afford ways of killing people. That's free
enterprise. But we can't seem to be able to afford to
keep people alive with universal health insurance.
That's socialism.

Man Says He's Not Embarrassed
to Expose His Yellow Teeth

USA, Take Notice: 'Victory in Afghanistan
Parade' Draws Huge Crowd in England

"Not all Republican cats are fat. I'm living proof
that's just a stereotype."

Cheng Shiqun to Sarah Palin: "If you want to
keep your hair from thinning, avoid politics."

"Now that you mention it, I think I began my descent
into madness in about 1980, while I was writing
speeches for Vice President Mondale."

Republicans Heap Praise on Sotomayor, Say
They Were Just Pretending to Be Bigots

Obama's Approval Rating Sinks to 57%; Trigger
to Start New War About to Be Pulled?

All that Senator Coburn really needed to know
he learned watching I Love Lucy re-runs.

"Mr. Tancredo, were you born a creep,
or did you have to learn to be one?"

"Sorry, pal, but I can't see any way you can fulfill
your mission in life without getting your feet wet."

An Organization Chart That Even Joe
the Dumbass Plumber Can Understand

World's Worst Yobs #112
Ben Stein

Glenn Beck has health care. This means
doctors and nurses have to view and
touch his squid-like flesh. Ugh!

World's Worst Yobs #111
Cody Willard

If Richard Nixon Had Been an Okie

When two Mormon elders appeared on his front porch,
he asked if they were selling hand-hammered woks or
Miracle Blades III. When they said they weren't selling
either, Fearguth turned them away, for he didn't believe
in the separation of church and infomercials.