Welcome to Assbook, the Internet's 'New' New Thing

"Experience my fist of fury, Internet eavesdroppers!"

Anti-Precipitation Protester Gives

Thumbs Down to Local Weather

Allegories for Our Time #12

Homo Sapiens: a Tower Poised Over an Abyss

Riot Policeman's Boot's-Eye View of the World

Tea Vendor Taking a Break Between Tea Parties

Should we hope that the tips Barack took

from Tiger were limited to golf?

Historically, the Straw Man Fallacy had been one of the

easiest Logical Fallacies to refute. But that was before

the Germans created Strawmanstein 3D.

Things to Avoid #21

Nose Leeches

Warm Scuzzies #42

Max Baucus

World's Worst Jobs #106

Pakistani Suicide Bomber Body Parts Picker-Upper

Another Afghanistan Insider Joke Bombs at West Point

"So, Glenn Beck is the 'Christmas Sweater', eh?

Well, I don't just sweat at Christmas. I sweat

all the time!"

"Why doncha come up and see me sometime, Spider-Man?"

Two-Minute Haters #8

Catherina Wojtowicz

Name of U. S. Military Campaign in Afghanistan

Changed from 'Operation Enduring Freedom' to

'Operation Enduring Operation'

Factoid of the Hour #8

Nabisco manufactures twenty

varieties of Wheat Thins.

The Idaho man who likes to dress up as Jesus and carry a

cross was surprised today when his neighbors, who like

to dress up as Roman soldiers, crucified him.

Afghan Timeline (Creationist Version)

Afghan Timeline (Evolutionist Version)

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #83

Everyone has a porkgasm on the Zappath Day,

the Second Day of Zappadan.

John Sidney McCain: One of the Most Lethal Improvised
Ennui Devices Ever Deployed by the International
Misanthrope Conspiracy

Warm Scuzzies #41
Ronald Williams

"My price is slightly higher west of the Mississippi."

Is there a graphologist in the house?

"Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo."

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #113
Russell Wiseman

"This is Teabagger World Headquarters,
buddy, so, if you don't mind, keep off
the damn lawn!"

Dynamic Inertia

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #112
Andrew Malcolm

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #82

Come as you are to the First Day of Zappadan.

With the aid of her inter-dimensional glasses, she

could see that, on a small scale, killing was called

'Crime' and didn't pay. But she could also see

that, on a large scale, killing was called 'War'

and did.

Erik, the Prince of Blackwater, would like to take this

opportunity to thank all the American taxpayers

who have made it possible for him to become

a multi-millionaire. "Gosh! I didn't realize

you had it in you!" he says gratefully.

Texas Couple Say Hen Laid Egg with Cross on It;

Colorado Couple Ups the Ante, Say Their Hen

Laid Egg with Anti-Christ on It

Some people feel right at home with algae. Some don't.

Off-Season at the Obama Shrine

Things to Avoid #20

100% Post-Consumer Waste

Do trophy wives only come with blond hair?

"As this doctor's order clearly shows, I was supposed to

receive six electroshock therapy treatments last week.
But, as you can tell, I only got five!"

"That's right, Jackie, it's a Swiffer® 360° Duster!"

"What is America's policy toward 'thigh highs',

Madame Secretary?"

As could be plainly seen, it was going to take some

doing to re-energize the base in 2010.

Fearguth's Rules of Order #37

Monkeys have already seen every shuck-and-jive

routine known to man, so think of something else

to do when you meet one on the pathway of life.

Conditions on the ground were pretty dry.

Oxymorons for Our Time #15

Smart Smoker

Dems Look for Deal on Public Option --

And the Answer May Be Trigger

Ben Bernanke: Is He Extremely Misvaluated?

Gallup Introducing New Hourly
Presidential Tracking Poll