"Justice Thomas, what's it like to frown nonstop

for eight straight years?"

Chief of Police Art Acevedo Sez:  "Fail to identify and

your ass is grass in Austin!  Just be glad we don't

sexually assault you like cops do in other cities.  

Put on a happy face and have a nice day!"

Billionaire Lip Balm Lord 'El Chapsticko' 

Captured in Mexico

Warm Scuzzies #448

Austin Police Department

Good Dilophosaurus

Bad Dilophosaurus

Lieutenant General William G. 'Jerry' Boykin (Retired) Sez: 

 "I believe that sword Jesus will be carrying when he comes 

back is an AR-15.... The sword today is an AR-15, so if you 

don't have one, go get one. You're supposed to have one. 

It's biblical."

[Onward Christian Soldiers!]

Grandpappy Ned Tugent

States could accommodate the need of bigots to discriminate

 by passing a simple fill-in-the-blanks law, which would say:  

"Citizens of the State of __________ are permitted to 

 discriminate against __________ in the name of 

religious freedom." 

"This is absolutely delicious!  What's it called?"

"Piglet Smoothie."

Jerry Wilson is running for Republican Party chairman

 in Orange County, Texas.  Call him a RINO and he'll

punch your lights out.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #545

Matt Bevin

Now that clerics have issued a fatwa that forbids Muslims to 

live on the Red Planet, we will no doubt see a big push from 

Islamophobes for the colonization of Mars.

Grandma McConnell Suffers Attack of the Flabbergasts

Caused by Large-Billed Wacko Bird

World's Worst Yobs #297

Daniel Greenfield

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #147

Would-Be Neophyte Refuses to Join

Any Fraternity That Would Have

Him as a Member

The Nuge and The Spooge

Things to Avoid #28

Every Bite Is an Adventure in

Epidemiology

National Guardsmen Star in Comedy

Version of The Oblong Box

If 'cleanliness is next to godliness', then Mark Levin is 

living proof that 'ugliness is next to hatefulness'.

Pretty Scary

Governor Pat McCrory Sez:  "Get uppity with me and

I'll get your ass fired!"

Flag Desecration #72

With so many Congressmen like Darrell Issa around, how

could there possibly be a clown shortage?

Michael Dunn Receives Full Scholarship

to Study Hip Hop Culture Behind Bars

for the Next 60 Years

Aztec Dog Found Buried Next to Remains of Earliest Known

Aztec Pet Blogger