Hurricane Dean has devastated the Isle of Carville, Harold's

Fjord, and the DLC Peninsula. Forecasters say it's now a

Category 5 Storm, headed directly toward the Republican

Mainland.

At both ends of the Axle of Applesauce, there are big wheels

destined to fall off: Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity.

"You can't fool me, Ma. This isn't Honey Bunches of Oats!"

A pink flamingo duel is not for the squeamish.

Only the Amazon River has a wider mouth 
than Fred Thompson.

"Al, bring me the head of that Austin reporter who said

I dress like Walker, Texas Ranger, when I'm down at

the ranch."

The other day, Paul Wolfowitz told an Australian journalist,

"I really believe the people we are confronting are so inhuman

and so brutal and so wrong that, as in the Cold War, we should,

because of the strength of free societies, come out on top." And

who are the "people" he spoke of? Muslims. No wonder he has

expressed no regrets for being the architect of Iraq's destruction.

"That's Petraeus, Senator, not Betraeus."

"Look, look! Gamera's got a new girlfriend!"

There are nine boobs in this picture. Can you

spot the only one that's real?

Presidential Seal Turns State's Evidence

Against Bush Administration

Scott Jennings was really miffed when he

was outmaneuvered for the hand of Jenna

Bush by another aide to Karl Rove.

Mattel Adds 9 Million Chinese-Made Sex Toys to Recall List

"Hmmm, I always thought the Highway to Hell

would be wider than this."

"This is DA1939 calling. Where's the rest of

the goddamned blitzkreig? Over."

Mitt Romney Introduces New Line of Designer Flip-Flops

Man Loses Virginity, Says He Is Disinclined to Search for It

"Stephen, I'm broke. Could you spot me $100

until the end of the month? Your pal, Tony."

Rubber Maid

Police say the liquor-store robber was easily recognized

because he didn't know the difference between duct tape

and masking tape.

In a botched attempt to plagiarize a former Vice President,

Karl Rove yesterday described President Bush's critics as

"elite, effete snobs." What Spiro Agnew actually said was

"an effete corps of impudent snobs."

Richard Stickler, an Assistant Secretary of Labor, has been

protecting mine owners' safety and health since 2006.

Annual 'Ride of the Nonpareil ' by the

Intercollegiate Society of Individualists

Textual critics have determined that The Gospel

According to Petraeus was actually written by an

anonymous White House scribe.

"Sorry, gentlemen, but all of our copies of Harry

Potter and the Deathly Hallows are checked out."

Karl Rove in Mourning for Lies Left Untold

If, as the sign says, "Large sturgeon jump in the river during

the summer and fall months," where do they stay during

the winter and spring?

John Gibbons Comes in Dead Last at the

Gillette Foamy Shaving Contest.

There's one in every crowd, even at funerals.

"Listen, Christian, I'm supposed to smite you on the

right cheek first, then the left!"

"Bless this tank, O Lord, that with it we may blow our

enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

Middle East Peace Process Washes Up on Lebanese Beach

Michael O'Hanlon has been consistently wrong about

the Iraq War. Well, as the saying goes, "consistency

is the hobgoblin of little minds."

Here's the logo for Dubya, the new television comedy

produced in China and imported by Wal-Mart into

the United States.

"No, I'm not a cash cow.

"This is a cash cow."

Conrad Black

Conrad Blacker

Conrad Blackest

"It's hard to imagine, dear, but once upon a time,

people actually believed the Constitution was

something more than a moldy old document

stored here in the National Archives. They

must've been pretty naive back in those days."

Lou Dobbs Trying to Outrun an Illegal Alien on ESPN

Woo-Hoo Personals #3

Woman with One Gold Shoe Wants to

Meet Man with One Red Shoe

One of these Kashmiri women is a lobbyist for Arco Textiles.

Would you care to guess which one?

"Maybe you shouldn't have told the Jain to shove

ahimsa up his ass, Brother Sakhorn."

"Susan Ralston is learning to 'sing'.

Got you booked on the 3:10 to Yuma.

See you soon. Dan Evans."

Yet Another Recipe for Death by Chocolate

Congress Trying to Subpoena Karl Rove

Too late, Michael Essien learned that cannibals

were some of the hungriest soccer fans around.

"Ali Akbar AK-47!"

After he retires at the end of August, this is where Karl Rove,

the 'Architect of the Bush Presidency', will live, a mansion

he designed himself.