"Where did that come from?"

"Big Labor."

Speaker Boehner Sez:   "We got 435 members. It's just a 

slice of America, it really is. We got some of the smartest 

people in the country who serve here, and some of the 

dumbest. We got some of the best people you'd ever

 meet, and some of the raunchiest. We've got 'em all."

"Raven hair and ruby lips 

sparks fly from her finger tips 

Echoed voices in the night 

she's a restless spirit on an endless flight 

wooo hooo Twitchy woman, see how 

high she flies 

woo hoo Twitchy woman she got 

the moon in her eye." 

"It's your move."

"Damn you, I'm Lex Luthor, not Joe the Plumber!"

Like the eponymous movie now in theaters, Representative

 John Carter (R-TX) is 'bloated but fun'.

"If you really want to know why going to college is

a bad idea, just look at what it did to me!"

World's Worst Yobs #243

Joe Bastardi

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, 

you feel no pain.” 

Mitt Romney Sez:  “I am learning to say 'y’all' and I like 

grits, and things.  Strange things are happening to me.”

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #369

Steven Landsburg

Welcome to the Beck-Murdoch-Limbaugh Air Show!

World's Worst Yoobs #115

Inga Barks

"What's that?"

"It's what was left after the Obama Administration

vaporized the Constitution's Due Process Clause."

Warm Scuzzies #268

Ken Ard

Little Known Fact #26

If you have enough empty Erektus Energy 

Drink cans, you can build a scale model 

of the Eiffel Tower.

Rush Limbaugh (/rʌʃ/ L IH M b aw ), n. 1. a 30-foot-long gut with

 a mouth that talks at one end and an anus that excretes 

Dittoheads on the other.

Asked to define Karl Rove, one man on the street replied, 

"He's 

an appalling breach of decorum who doesn't mean snot!"

"Oh, how I love to hear someone say, 'Governor 

Scott, you remind me so much of Swamp Thing!'"

Rick Santorum held in his right hand what the plutocrats had 

used for years to create and maintain their hold on power:

the 'Wedgie Issue'.

Is it a prerequisite for public office that every 

politician in the land has to demonstrate how

 to give head?  Or is it just another Facebook

 fad, like 'Frog Face'?  

"Can you imagine a conspiracy more sinister than Barack 

Obama and Derrick Bell hugging in 1991?"

"Of course I can!  Have you already forgotten the con-

spiracy to fluoridate America's water supply back

in the 1950s?"  

"As the junior senator from Utah, I can tell you that all the 

so-called 'sex education' our children need in the Beehive

State is contained right here in the Constitution of the 

United States of America!"

It was always hardest for Governor Kasich when he was

trying to tell the difference between his ass and his elbow.

"Hi, I'm Jon Flatland, a newspaperman who lives 

in North Dakota.  I'm best known for being the 

Jeffrey Dahmer of serial plagiarists."  

"No, my son, it's only an urban legend that Superman's cape 
was what enabled him to leap tall buildings in a single bound."

At the moment of conception, Karen Garver was given the 

choice of becoming either an Egyptian rug in King Farouk's

palace or Rick Santorum's spouse. In later life, she often 

wondered if she had made the right decision.

"Some people are saying that 'Greed is a robust

 determinant of unethical behavior'.  Well, as 

my colleague, Scrooge McDuck, likes to say 

while diving into a pool of Krugerrands,

"Ethics is for losers!"

Mormon Math

What Eric Bolling Does When He Gets Lonely

Romney's Last Gaffe

Newt Gingrich's supporters are so old they are still in 

black and white.

Shhh!  Newt's dreaming of 69.

Another milestone on the road to human 

freedom was reached when 'Open Carry'

became as popular as music and bold 

bodices at the Grammy's.

Newton's Laws of Commotion #2

When a protest sign starts making you look foolish,

it's time to go home and take a nap.

Gorilla None Too Pleased to Learn 

There's Only a 1.75% Difference in 

Its DNA from a Human's

In View of the Fact That 

Breitbart Is Still Dead

"We are all lobsters now!" exclaimed Pastor Huckabee, 

as solar flares turned the oceans into steam.

"You may be wondering why I'm not wearing my Che Guevara

t-shirt today.  Well, there's a simple explanation.  Bill Ayers,

Jeremiah Wright, and I got together and decided we wanted

to pull the wool over Andrew Breitbart's eyes twenty years 

from now."

Why Dinosaurs Became Extinct

World's Worst Yoobs #114

Patricia Heaton

What Transvaginal Ultrasounds Reveal

Michael Kinsley Reportedly Suffers

from Insomnia; Says His Nights Are

 Haunted by the 'Spirit of the 

First Amendment'

Bin Laden's Last Days Plagued by Faulty Central Heating, 

Bad Cable, and Bickering Wives

As recently as this past Monday, this photograph was thought

 to be of Rush Limbaugh holding his award for being the 

Whitest Sexagenarian Rap Artist in America.  That was 

incorrect.  It is actually a photo of Rush Limbaugh holding

 a plaque commemorating the assassination of President 

Abraham Lincoln by John Wilkes Booth, presented to him

 by one of his Neo-Confederate admirers.  

World's Worst Yobs #242

Michael Kinsley

There are only two things wrong with Steny Hoyer:  

'Steny' and 'Hoyer'.

Why is it not surprising that Noel Biderman, CEO of 

Ashley Madison, an Internet marital infidelity service,

wants to fill all the recently-vacated advertising 

space on Rush Limbaugh's radio show?

Factoid of the Hour #18

No, that's not snow blanketing the countryside in 

Wagga Wagga, Australia.  It's spider webs.

"Wake up! Sleepy head, rub your eyes, 

get out of bed.
Wake up! Jean Schmidt, the Wicked Witch, is dead. 

She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - below - below. 

Yo-ho, let's open up and 

sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know 
The Wicked Witch is dead!"