The Unexpurgated Bible #84

DJ Jesus's Last Rave

Dana Loesch Says Relationship with the

Avatar of Andrew Breitbart Has Gone

'Tragically Awry' 

Jesse James Backs NRA; Is Rehab Next?

Sign of the Times #30

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is 

a vigilante with a gun.

Malik Nidal Hasan has been allowed to keep his beard

and to scoff at Wayne LaPierre for saying, “The only 

thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy 

with a gun.”

Wayne LaPierre,  Executive Vice President of the NRA, is

credited with inspiring the most creatively potent epithet of 

2012, 'Hick Fascist Nutjob'.  Congratulations, Wayne!

Doomsday Prepper Admits He Still Hasn't

Done His Christmas Shopping

Tim Huelskamp, who was described by a Republican in-

sider as one of “the most egregious assholes” in the 

House Republican Conference, is gloating that John 

Boehner's 'Plan B' has failed.  The thing about 

assholes is this:  you only need one, and more than 

one is a luxury. 

Bill O'Reilly's 'War on Christmas Memorial Ax Grind' Joins 

Baby Jesus, Santa Claus, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,

and Frosty the Snowman as One of America's Favorite

Holiday Traditions

Bullet-Proof Backpacks Reminiscent of

the 'Duck-and-Cover' Days of the 1950s

According to conservatives, the Sandy Hook school shooting

 should be blamed on  1) Abortion Pills, 2) Not Enough God in 

Schools, 3) Teachers' Unions, 4) Video Games, 5) Too 

Much Sex on TV and on the Internet, 6) Public Schools, 

7) Gun-Free Zones, 8) All-Female School Administrations, 

9) Moral Decay, 10) Mental Illness, 11) Anti-Religious 

Secular Bureaucracy and Secular Judiciary, 12) Gays, 

13) Hollywood, 14) Humanism, 15) Liberal Policies, 16) Un-

armed Teachers, and 17) Jon Stewart. For some reason, 

semi-automatic battle rifles didn't make the list. 

Did you hear that David Brooks, the One-

Percenter's One-Percenter, will be teaching

the sons and daughters of One-Percenters

at Yale this spring a course with the title,

'How to Be Wrong 100% of the Time 

without Ever Having to Eat Humble Pie'?

"Hey, Mom! I'm ready to go to school."

Sarah Palin Slams Time Magazine for Picking

Fish Soup as 'Poisson of the Year'

 

"Hold on, Mr. Donaldson!" said the 

officer as he arrested someone who

appeared to be stark, raving mad.

Comic Sans

Comic Sansabelt

Gulf's Mystery Sheen Baffles BP, Coast Guard; Anthro-

pogenic Vs. Naturogenic Causation Hotly Debated

Kevin Systrom Sez:  “To be clear: it is not our intention here

 at Instagram to sell your photos or use them for advertising 

purposes.  However, as you know, the road to Hell is paved 

with good intentions."

"There, on the top floor of The Daily Beast building and in 

conditions of extreme secrecy, school children are being 

trained for the Libertarian Army's first kamikaze regi-

ment, Megan McArdle's Gang Rushers. So successful 

has been the training of the kamikaze regiment that the 

number of school children has dwindled from 30,000 to 

just over a dozen in three weeks."

"From this distance, Megan, I can't tell for sure.  But

it looks like 50 first-graders are getting ready to

gang rush you."

11-Year-Old Utah Boy Brings Gun to School for Protection, 

Says He Was Only Following the Advice of His Hero,

Texas Governor Rick Perry

"I’d also like us to encourage people to gang rush a 

man armed with a banana, rather than following their 

instincts to hide; if we drilled it into young people that

 the correct thing to do is for everyone to instantly run 

at the guy armed with fresh fruit, these sorts of mass 

attacks would be less deadly, because even a guy with

 a very big banana can be brought down by 8-12 

unarmed bodies piling on him at once."

North Korean Rocket Launch "A Real Stinker!" 

Experts Say

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #448

Tom Morrissey

Warm Scuzzies #352

Anita Alvarez

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #447

Pastor Sam Morris

Sign of the Times #35

The National Shooting Sports Foundation, the gun

and ammo industries' second biggest lobby, is

located in Newtown, Connecticut.

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #15

Ron Weiser

One of the largest and most dangerous snakes in South

 America, the Bushmaster, is capable of multiple-bite 

strikes and the injection of large amounts of venom,

just like its North American cousin, the Bushmaster 223.

As an aid to understanding all matters

 political, a good maxim to keep in mind

 is 'Follow the Money'.  Take, for example, 

the politics of gun control.  According to 

the National Shooting Sports Foundation,

 in 2012, 209,750 Americans are employed

 in the firearms and ammunition industries.

Warm Scuzzies #351

Lanny Breuer

Americans now own 300 million guns.  If more guns are 

the solution to the problem of mass shootings, how 

many more guns will Americans need to own---50 million, 

100 million, 200 million---before the problem is solved?

"No knowledge of the face of the earth; no account of 

time; no arts; no letters; no society; and which is 

worst of all, continual fear, and danger of violent 

death; and the life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, 

brutish, and short."

Learning the Hard Way to Not Stick Your

Nose into Somebody Else's Business