Saturday, December 22, 2012

The Unexpurgated Bible #84
DJ Jesus's Last Rave
Dana Loesch Says Relationship with the
Avatar of Andrew Breitbart Has Gone
'Tragically Awry' 
Jesse James Backs NRA; Is Rehab Next?

Sign of the Times #30
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is 
a vigilante with a gun.
Malik Nidal Hasan has been allowed to keep his beard
and to scoff at Wayne LaPierre for saying, “The only 
thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy 
with a gun.”

Friday, December 21, 2012

Wayne LaPierre,  Executive Vice President of the NRA, is
credited with inspiring the most creatively potent epithet of 
2012, 'Hick Fascist Nutjob'.  Congratulations, Wayne!
Doomsday Prepper Admits He Still Hasn't
Done His Christmas Shopping
Tim Huelskamp, who was described by a Republican in-
sider as one of “the most egregious assholes” in the 
House Republican Conference, is gloating that John 
Boehner's 'Plan B' has failed.  The thing about 
assholes is this:  you only need one, and more than 
one is a luxury. 

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Bill O'Reilly's 'War on Christmas Memorial Ax Grind' Joins 
Baby Jesus, Santa Claus, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
and Frosty the Snowman as One of America's Favorite
Holiday Traditions
Bullet-Proof Backpacks Reminiscent of
the 'Duck-and-Cover' Days of the 1950s
According to conservatives, the Sandy Hook school shooting
 should be blamed on  1) Abortion Pills, 2) Not Enough God in 
Schools, 3) Teachers' Unions, 4) Video Games, 5) Too 
Much Sex on TV and on the Internet, 6) Public Schools, 
7) Gun-Free Zones, 8) All-Female School Administrations, 
9) Moral Decay, 10) Mental Illness, 11) Anti-Religious 
Secular Bureaucracy and Secular Judiciary, 12) Gays, 
13) Hollywood, 14) Humanism, 15) Liberal Policies, 16) Un-
armed Teachers, and 17) Jon Stewart. For some reason, 
semi-automatic battle rifles didn't make the list. 
Did you hear that David Brooks, the One-
Percenter's One-Percenter, will be teaching
the sons and daughters of One-Percenters
at Yale this spring a course with the title,
'How to Be Wrong 100% of the Time 
without Ever Having to Eat Humble Pie'?
"Hey, Mom! I'm ready to go to school."
Sarah Palin Slams Time Magazine for Picking
Fish Soup as 'Poisson of the Year'

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

"Hold on, Mr. Donaldson!" said the 
officer as he arrested someone who
appeared to be stark, raving mad.
Comic Sans

Comic Sansabelt
Gulf's Mystery Sheen Baffles BP, Coast Guard; Anthro-
pogenic Vs. Naturogenic Causation Hotly Debated
Kevin Systrom Sez:  “To be clear: it is not our intention here
 at Instagram to sell your photos or use them for advertising 
purposes.  However, as you know, the road to Hell is paved 
with good intentions."
"There, on the top floor of The Daily Beast building and in 
conditions of extreme secrecy, school children are being 
trained for the Libertarian Army's first kamikaze regi-
ment, Megan McArdle's Gang Rushers. So successful 
has been the training of the kamikaze regiment that the 
number of school children has dwindled from 30,000 to 
just over a dozen in three weeks."
"From this distance, Megan, I can't tell for sure.  But
it looks like 50 first-graders are getting ready to
gang rush you."
11-Year-Old Utah Boy Brings Gun to School for Protection, 
Says He Was Only Following the Advice of His Hero,
Texas Governor Rick Perry

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

"I’d also like us to encourage people to gang rush 
man armed with a banana, rather than following their 
instincts to hide; if we drilled it into young people that
 the correct thing to do is for everyone to instantly run 
at the guy armed with fresh fruit, these sorts of mass 
attacks would be less deadly, because even a guy with
 a very big banana can be brought down by 8-12 
unarmed bodies piling on him at once."
North Korean Rocket Launch "A Real Stinker!" 
Experts Say
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #448
Tom Morrissey

Monday, December 17, 2012

Warm Scuzzies #352
Anita Alvarez
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #447
Pastor Sam Morris
Sign of the Times #35
The National Shooting Sports Foundation, the gun
and ammo industries' second biggest lobby, is
located in Newtown, Connecticut.
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #15
Ron Weiser
One of the largest and most dangerous snakes in South
 America, the Bushmaster, is capable of multiple-bite 
strikes and the injection of large amounts of venom,

just like its North American cousin, the Bushmaster 223.
As an aid to understanding all matters
 political, a good maxim to keep in mind
 is 'Follow the Money'.  Take, for example, 
the politics of gun control.  According to 
the National Shooting Sports Foundation,
 in 2012, 209,750 Americans are employed
 in the firearms and ammunition industries.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Warm Scuzzies #351
Lanny Breuer
Americans now own 300 million guns.  If more guns are 
the solution to the problem of mass shootings, how 
many more guns will Americans need to own---50 million, 
100 million, 200 million---before the problem is solved?
"No knowledge of the face of the earth; no account of 
time; no arts; no letters; no society; and which is 
worst of all, continual fear, and danger of violent 
death; and the life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, 
brutish, and short."
Learning the Hard Way to Not Stick Your
Nose into Somebody Else's Business