North Korea's Holiday Message warned of a 'Nucrear

Horocaust', but no one could figure out what that meant

until it was too late.

Joe Miller Concedes in Alaskan Senate Race, Departs for
DisneyLand, Vows to Continue Fighting for Tea Party Values
Alongside the Mad Hatter in Fantasy World

It's really not accurate to say that

Michele Bachmann is 'unhinged'.

Why?  Because she was never

hinged in the first place.

There's only one weapon that will not fail in your

hunt for the Chihuahuan Desert Frog, and that's

the Pentagon's latest weapon,

the Smart Camo Grenade Launcher.

Reasons Not to Go on a Blind Date #2

Your date's idea of a good time may be to immortalize

you as a piece of Red Chinese portable sculpture.

Republican Rules of Thumb #1

Hands Out Good, Handouts Bad

Woo-Hoo Personals #8

Robotic Fish Looking to Hook Up with

Cyborg Equipped with Pocket Fisherman

On the day after the last person who had ever played Donkey

Kong died, no one, except the author, understood the title

of his book.  As a result, his book sales plummeted and he

was reduced to blogging for free and posing for pictures

with plain women, obscure rightists, and bottles of beer. 

Such were the risks of bad puns and historical allusions.

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #97

Iris Somberg, Robert Stacy McCain, and Laura Lieberman

Does anybody know why Carly Fiorina, Linda McMahon, and

Meg Whitman didn't make the cut for the

2011 Great American Conservative Women Calendar?  Bay

Buchanan made it, even though she'll turn 63 this year.  And

so did Michelle Duggar, mother of 19, and Clare Booth Luce, 

dead since 1987.

The good news is that Andrew Cuomo has been

inaugurated as the Governor of New York and

Carl Paladino wasn't.  For the moment, at least,

there is no bad news. 

Unfortunately, his ring finger was longer than his index finger,

so he died from prostate cancer at a relatively young age.

Like President Karzai, the old man longed to

return to the Golden Age of Bush.

Face it, Baby Boomers,

getting old isn't pretty!

Would it be wrong to wish that 2011 will

be an even more disastrous year for

Andrew Breitbart's 'brand' than

2010 was?

He made millions playing silly games with other people's

money.  No wonder Jamie Dimon was smiling.

"We'll get started as soon as Jesus brings the pork chops."

"Maybe if Noah called it 'Jam Cruise',

he could drum up more business."

"Little one, do you know something about the second  

decade of the 21st century the rest of us don't?"

"Dr. Krauthammer, you say Obama's move to the center is

just a ploy to make you look stark, staring mad. Well, if I

may say so, he has more than succeeded!"

German-Only Movement Succeeds in Removing

English Phrases from Signs

"You look bored.  Might I interest you in speculation about

the next 5 Apple gadgets?"

New Year's Day Said to Be Looking Forward

to 11.1.11 and 11.11.11

Before

After

Caution:  Watching Fox News While Wearing an

iRenew Bracelet Poses a Serious Acid Trip Hazard

Blizzard Causes All 100 Cars in North Dakota

to Pile Up Near Fargo

Zombie Economists to Consider Ethics Code

Very gradually, Ralph Peters began to suspect that

even he had 'leftist tendencies'.

He needed to go really bad, and the hearing

had just begun.

"I like the way you say 'slavery reparations', Steve."

"I see BLACK PEOPLE!!!"

They say Enu Mainigi was hired primarily to style

Rick Scott's hair.

Warm Scuzzies #132

Lanny Davis

Remember the day when the best media criticism

became nonverbal?

Even Republican pollsters, like Frank

Luntz, are fat.  There's a reason for that,

but he will never ask the question which

would reveal the answer.

Gary Bauer believes Muslims in America are treated better than

Christians.  Well, if he is representative of Christians in

America, it's understandable why that would happen.  But,

in truth, he looks more like someone who should be a

representaive of that very rare sect, the Albino Chameleons.

Although he never talks about the Master of Invective Arts

degree he received from Driftglass University, Stephen

Colbert never fails to put it to good use.

"Dadgumit!  I have a license from the Doghouse Riley

School of Ranting, and I can rant anytime I want to!"

Mitt Romney Accepting Meg Whitman's Challenge to Waste

More of His Own Money in 2012 Than He Did in 2008

If you've ever wanted to see how presidential timber dies

from the top down, take a gander at Mitch Daniels and

Haley Barbour.

Pigs Seek Higher Ground to Escape the Rising

Tide of Haley Barbour/Boss Hog Analogies

"Sure it hurts, but think about how much your kidney donation

is saving the taxpayers of Mississippi.  And, oh, by the way,

Governor Barbour wishes you a Happy New Year!"

"OK, Scott, how much for the flag lapel pin?"

"Well, I ..."

"All right then, a copy of the Book of Mormon

and $5 down. Must be my final offer!"

"Really, it's not for sale!"

"Not for sale, what does that mean? If you're

a Republican, everything's for sale!"

China Announces Beltless Anti-Gravity Breakthrough

"You say I'm descended from wolves? 

Sure, sure, sure, tell me another one!"

Roy Edroso Being Decontaminated After His Latest Descent

into the Right Blogosphere

Alec Rawls, son of the renowned philosopher, John Rawls,

demonstrates the truth of Nietzsche's dictum, namely, that

a married philosopher belongs in comedy.  Or, at the very

least, that the son of a married philosopher is destined

to become a comedian.