Jammie Thomas-Rasset, a single mom from Minnesota, has been fined $1.92 million for illegally sharing 24 tunes on the Internet. When she told the RIAA, the plaintiff in the case, "There's no way you're ever going to get that. You can't get blood out of a turnip," the recording industry association agreed to settle with the defendant if she either (1) paid $1.99 per tune or (2) would become the main ingredient in a Southern Turnip Supreme casserole.
If you happen to meet Todd Palin and Greta Van Susteren at a party, don't panic: it doesn't mean you dropped bad acid. It only means it's Halloween and they could afford to buy more realistic masks than you.
If you encounter a religious official whose hat looks like it came from Burger King and whose outfit looks like it was handcrafted by the National Embroiders Guild, greet him politely and then run away.
The Weights and Measures Division of the National Institute of Standards and Technology has now officially confirmed that Timothy Franz Geithner, Secretary of the Treasury, has the tallest head in the Obama Administration.
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Iran's supreme leader today ruled out massive fraud in elections last week and told hundreds of thousands taking part in a series of peaceful protests against the reelection of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to go home and be good little boys and girls.
"I've got plenty of sins that I'm not going to share with anyone else," says Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) . Let's hope our luck doesn't run out before this paedomorph changes his mind and starts sharing.
"The roar you hear, Mr. President, is the gay community saying, in unison, 'If LBJ had been as timid about civil rights as you are about gay rights, do you think you'd be signing this memorandum in the Oval Office today? No, you'd be lucky to have a job washing dishes in the White House kitchen'."
"The Republican Party is viewed favorably by only 28 percent of those polled, the lowest rating ever in a New York Times/ CBS News poll." Sheesh! The percentage that views tattooed pigs favorably is larger than that.
Everyone had advised him to keep his eye on the ball. He had followed their advice to the letter. There came a time, however, when everyone fell silent. That's when he realized he didn't have any idea what to do next.
Andrew Sullivan's self-identification with the opponents of the Ahmadinejad regime in Iran is a mirror image of his enthusiasm seven years ago for the overthrow of Saddam Hussein in Iraq. Nonetheless, he will tell you that in terms of core values, he's a conservative, like Edmund Burke, and not a radical, like Leon Trotsky (though, in physical appearance, he resembles the latter much more than the former). Things didn't turn out in Iraq as Andrew had hoped. Maybe he will be luckier this time around and his revolutionary dream for Iran will come closer to matching his conservative ideal.