"Yes, OK, it's true: I'm a goddam comic mask.

I admit it. But what's so funny about that?"

Like most people, you probably think the

densest substance on Earth is osmium.

Well, that was true until 1959. And then

Mike Pence was born.

"No, David, I don't think the fact that my head

resembles a capsule of Puritan's Pride Probiotic

Acidophilus has anything to do with the fact I'm

a libertarian and write for Reason magazine."

Madonna Voted Cougar Trend's

'Muscalature of the Year' Award

for 2010

I Remember Dubya #36

"Getting into this must be like what Dolly

Parton said about putting 50 lbs of mud

into a 5 lb sack."

Crystal Cathedral Makes Deep Cuts as
Power of Positive Thinking Wanes

Sky-Gazers Awestruck Seeing Biggest, Brightest Full Moon

Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #4

Imagine a thirty-foot gut with a mouth on one end and

an anus on the other. That would be New Hampshire
Senator Judd Gregg,

Jimmy the Pimp Takes Aim at the

Lucky Charms Leprechaun

But what if you are at home? Wouldn't it be smarter

to use your guns, rather than hide them?

State Farm Won't Renew Thousands of Florida Policies;

"What Do You Think We Are---an Insurance Company?"

Company Spokesman Asks

"Hey, buddy, which way to the Fever Swamps?"

Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #3

Imagine a skin disease on a ball of dirt. That

would be Andrew Breitbart.

Warm Scuzzies #54

Sally Quinn

"Holy shit! I really AM Howard Fineman!
Who on Earth let that happen?"

Will becoming a billionaire keep you from
looking ugly? Well, after 80 years of trying,
it obviously hasn't worked for Ross Perot. So
you might consider trying something else.

When all was said and done, it took William James
O'Reilly, Jr., 60 years to build up the nerve to wear
an aquamarine tie without blowing chunks.

"They kept waiting to shoot me until they saw the
whites of my eyes. Well, I sure fooled them, and
that's why I'm still here today!"

Only the hopelessly naive refused to recognize that
it's a 'Gull Eats Wafflecone' world out there.

"Did you know I've spent more time on this
show than President Obama has spent in the
Oval Office? Makes you wonder who's really
running this country, doesn't it?"

He thought he was taming the lion. What he didn't
know was that it was actually the other way around.

World's Worst Yobs #151
J. P. Freire

"Doghouse Riley? Sorry, but I can't honestly say
I've ever heard of him."

Remember when Patrick Fitzgerald pointed the
finger of justice at Scooter Libby? Can you
think of a better reason to remember
March 6, 2007?

His disaffection with the church dated from
the day of his baptism.

Recently-Declassified Photograph #18

Justice Alito's Protocol Breech

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #103

"Call me Ishmael. Call me irresponsible.

Call me collect. Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Reverend Bob Dobbs

Reverend Bob Dobbs on Acid

Call it a June Bug and all is well. But

call it a Cockchafer and all is---well . . .

"Says she has a date with some

guy who's taking her to the

'submarine races'."

Apple's iJobs Unveils 'Intimate' iPad to
iLovers of iPods and iPhones

Even with his protective coloration, Dick
Cheney was clearly visible a mile away.

President Obama Undecided Whether to Outline a
'Progressive Regressive' or a 'Regressive Progressive'
Agenda in SOTU Address

World's Worst Yobs #150 Noel Sheppard

Jimmy the Pimp Arrested in New Orleans

Granted, Gordon Brown had never risen higher than
the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. But even
he knew that the idea of a 'Digital Purchase Funnel'
was sketchy, if not dodgy.

"Unless the United States starts a new war soon,
nobody is going to pay me to give reasons why it's
a good idea. Which means I'll be out of a job, and
that's a bad idea!"

To keep her body from o'ershadowing her brain,
Amanda Carpenter always wore mink.

Mr. Peppermint

Mr. Peppermint's Rebellious Son

"Pardon me, madam, but would you happen
to know the way to the Black Lagoon?"

Best Little Whorehouse in Iowa

"One is the loneliest,

Number one is the loneliest,

Number one is the loneliest number

That you'll ever do.

One is the loneliest,

One is the loneliest,

One is the loneliest number

That you'll ever do."

Actually, there's an upside to the Supreme Court's decision
to allow unlimited contributions to flow into American
politics and elections. Since the largest corporations
are transnational, it won't take nearly as long for the
United States of America to be integrated into the New
World Order and the One-World Government which will
go by the name of

In a Centex home, you don't know whether
to jump for joy or for avoiding a landslide.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #122

Al Baldasaro

Warm Scuzzies #53

Linda Robertson