Saturday, March 05, 2011

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #48
Willard's Back!
{And his furry friends are going to eat
more than Ernest Borgnine this time!}
Oxymorons for Our Time #88
Dispossessed Majority
This Newt is slimy.

This newt is not.
"I LOVE collective bargaining!  OK, I've said it,
now supersize me!"
"But, sir, you're already supersized."
Just like George Will, he could feel the
'Vibrations of Weirdness' emanating from
 the Republican Party.
"Pardon me, sir, but are you racially oppressed?"
Warm Scuzzies #154
Dan Snyder
"Call me Hucksterbuckabee one more time and I'll call
down fire from heaven on your head!"
"Mr. Hinderaker, how long do you think it will be before
Faegre & Benson mirengoffs you?"
"It troubles me not that 57% of the people of Wisconsin
disapprove of the job I'm doing as governor, for I have
David Koch on my side, and we constitute the majority."
Now with 40% Less Anger!  Join the Tea Party Today!
"Waiter, I think I'll have the 'Hardboiled-Early-Bird-Gets-
the-Worm-on-Wheat-Toast' and a cup of coffee."
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #278
Foster Friess
Blair River to Be Interred Along with
a Quadruple Bypass Burger, Flatliner
Fries, and Butterfat Shake
"Tucker, honey, you got it all wrong!  I'm the
Supreme Commander of GMILFistan!"

Friday, March 04, 2011

What Happens When You Mimic a Caricature
And Commander Koch Smote the Enemy
with His Mighty Hinderaker
Blair River, Owner of Heart Attack Grill, Dead at 29
Pork Producers Adopt New Slogan:
'Pork, Be Inspired'
Warm Scuzzies #153
Association of Private Enterprise Education
Conservative Think Tank, or Rightwing Propaganda Mill?
One euphemism for death, used by obituary writers, is
 'transitioning from labor to reward'. If this were truly the
 case, maybe we shouldn't labor so hard, because the
reward is really lousy.
Charlie White, Indiana Secretary of State, has been indicted
on seven felony counts, including voter fraud, perjury, and
theft.  And, yes, he's a Republican.
"I didn't mind being bartered for health care.  But, as barter
for Sue Lowden's campaign debts?  No way, Jos√©!"
Maybe if Bristol Palin had won Dancing with
 the Stars, Mike Huckabee would have rebuked
 her for being an unwed mother the same way he
has Natalie Portman.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

"Dear Mr. President,
When you die, will it take you as long as
it did Jesus to arise from the grave?
Your secret admirer,
Barry Obama"
"Hey, we're not just gay!  We're Romanians who are fond
of bright colors and rainbows!"
"Mr. Gupta, Matt Taibbi thinks you're not too big to fail,
 not too small, but just right. What do you think?
At 68, Mick Jagger still didn't realize that
the song title, 'I Can't Get No Satisfaction',
was grammatically flawed by a
double negative.
Recent Daily Caller Hire Says He Still Prefers Goats to MILFs
When you look at Scott Fitzgerald, the Republican leader of
the Wisconsin State Senate, you're made to wonder:  does
the sun ever shine in Wisconsin?  Seriously, have you ever
seen someone who better brings to mind the old Coppertone
slogan, 'Don't Be a Paleface!'?
Texas State Representative Debbie Riddle says she
exempted 'household servants' in her proposed anti-
immigrant legislation, which would impose draconian
penalties on anyone who hires an 'unauthorized alien',
because she didn't want to stifle 'the economic engine'
 in Texas.  When you hear 'economic engine', horse
breeding isn't exactly the first thing that pops into
your head, is it?  But you're not Debbie.  And aren't
you glad?
That didn't take long!  Pink flamingos have started
migrating to Palm Beach, Wisconsin.
 "This is just for you, Erick Erickson:  Sarah Palin's popularity
 is falling in Iowa, but she is maintaining her lead to become
the Supreme Commander of MILFistan!"
Colonel Gaddafi reads The Green Book.

Glenn Beck reads it, too.
"Most of us grew up going to Boy Scout meetings
and, you know, our communities were filled with
Rotary Clubs, not madrassas."
"Beg pardon, Mr. Huckabee, but 'madrassa'
is simply the Arabic word for 'school'.  Are
 you saying the Arkansas community you
grew up in didn't have schools, and that's
what makes President Obama seem so
foreign to you?"
"Charlie Sheen is now making more sense than
 John Boehner," said Judson Phillips, as he
prepared to take his medication orally.
Planning a Weekend Getaway to Palm Beach, Wisconsin?
Don't forget your Down-Filled Aqua Shoes!
Proposed Texas Law Makes Hiring an 'Unauthorized Alien' a
Crime Punishable by Up to Two Years in Prison and a $10,000
Fine, Unless She Is Hired to Do Governor Perry's
Household Chores
When Mice Snort Koch
"Here, Congressman King, I think you need another flag."
World's Worst Yoobs #90
Amy Siskind
Northwestern University Professor Under Fire For Re-Make of
Sex Education Sketch from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
"The Army has charged Pfc. Bradley Manning,
the soldier suspected of leaking thousands of
documents published by WikiLeaks, with
aiding and giving intelligence to the enemy."
Who the 'enemy' is or how Bradley could
 have given 'intelligence' the Army never
had were neither specified nor explained.
"There are two types of people:  the slobs who think my tie
is cruel and the Wisconsin Republicans who don't."

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

"Oh, the Law of Moses was just the Top 10 Commandments?
There are many, many more. Have you ever read Leviticus?
There are so many commandments in there, people who like
commandments are still counting them."
"Oh, don't mind him.  He's just an investigative reporter for
the Washington Examiner."
The Perfect Stormtrooper