Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #48

Willard's Back!

{And his furry friends are going to eat

more than Ernest Borgnine this time!}

Oxymorons for Our Time #88

Dispossessed Majority

This Newt is slimy.

This newt is not.

"I LOVE collective bargaining!  OK, I've said it,

now supersize me!"

"But, sir, you're already supersized."

Just like George Will, he could feel the

'Vibrations of Weirdness' emanating from

 the Republican Party.

"Pardon me, sir, but are you racially oppressed?"

Warm Scuzzies #154

Dan Snyder

"Call me Hucksterbuckabee one more time and I'll call

down fire from heaven on your head!"

"Mr. Hinderaker, how long do you think it will be before

Faegre & Benson mirengoffs you?"

"It troubles me not that 57% of the people of Wisconsin

disapprove of the job I'm doing as governor, for I have

David Koch on my side, and we constitute the majority."

Now with 40% Less Anger!  Join the Tea Party Today!

"Waiter, I think I'll have the 'Hardboiled-Early-Bird-Gets-

the-Worm-on-Wheat-Toast' and a cup of coffee."

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #278

Foster Friess

Blair River to Be Interred Along with

a Quadruple Bypass Burger, Flatliner

Fries, and Butterfat Shake

"Tucker, honey, you got it all wrong!  I'm the

Supreme Commander of GMILFistan!"

What Happens When You Mimic a Caricature

And Commander Koch Smote the Enemy

with His Mighty Hinderaker

Blair River, Owner of Heart Attack Grill, Dead at 29

Pork Producers Adopt New Slogan:

'Pork, Be Inspired'

Warm Scuzzies #153

Association of Private Enterprise Education

Conservative Think Tank, or Rightwing Propaganda Mill?

One euphemism for death, used by obituary writers, is

 'transitioning from labor to reward'. If this were truly the

 case, maybe we shouldn't labor so hard, because the

reward is really lousy.

Charlie White, Indiana Secretary of State, has been indicted

on seven felony counts, including voter fraud, perjury, and

theft.  And, yes, he's a Republican.

"I didn't mind being bartered for health care.  But, as barter

for Sue Lowden's campaign debts?  No way, José!"

Maybe if Bristol Palin had won Dancing with

 the Stars, Mike Huckabee would have rebuked

 her for being an unwed mother the same way he

has Natalie Portman.

"Dear Mr. President,

When you die, will it take you as long as

it did Jesus to arise from the grave?

Your secret admirer,

Barry Obama"

"Hey, we're not just gay!  We're Romanians who are fond

of bright colors and rainbows!"

"Mr. Gupta, Matt Taibbi thinks you're not too big to fail,

 not too small, but just right. What do you think?

At 68, Mick Jagger still didn't realize that

the song title, 'I Can't Get No Satisfaction',

was grammatically flawed by a

double negative.

Recent Daily Caller Hire Says He Still Prefers Goats to MILFs

When you look at Scott Fitzgerald, the Republican leader of

the Wisconsin State Senate, you're made to wonder:  does

the sun ever shine in Wisconsin?  Seriously, have you ever

seen someone who better brings to mind the old Coppertone

slogan, 'Don't Be a Paleface!'?

Texas State Representative Debbie Riddle says she

exempted 'household servants' in her proposed anti-

immigrant legislation, which would impose draconian

penalties on anyone who hires an 'unauthorized alien',

because she didn't want to stifle 'the economic engine'

 in Texas.  When you hear 'economic engine', horse

breeding isn't exactly the first thing that pops into

your head, is it?  But you're not Debbie.  And aren't

you glad?

That didn't take long!  Pink flamingos have started

migrating to Palm Beach, Wisconsin.

 "This is just for you, Erick Erickson:  Sarah Palin's popularity

 is falling in Iowa, but she is maintaining her lead to become

the Supreme Commander of MILFistan!"

Colonel Gaddafi reads The Green Book.

Glenn Beck reads it, too.

"Most of us grew up going to Boy Scout meetings

and, you know, our communities were filled with

Rotary Clubs, not madrassas."

"Beg pardon, Mr. Huckabee, but 'madrassa'

is simply the Arabic word for 'school'.  Are

 you saying the Arkansas community you

grew up in didn't have schools, and that's

what makes President Obama seem so

foreign to you?"

"Charlie Sheen is now making more sense than

 John Boehner," said Judson Phillips, as he

prepared to take his medication orally.

Planning a Weekend Getaway to Palm Beach, Wisconsin?

Don't forget your Down-Filled Aqua Shoes!

Proposed Texas Law Makes Hiring an 'Unauthorized Alien' a

Crime Punishable by Up to Two Years in Prison and a $10,000

Fine, Unless She Is Hired to Do Governor Perry's

Household Chores

When Mice Snort Koch

"Here, Congressman King, I think you need another flag."

World's Worst Yoobs #90

Amy Siskind

Northwestern University Professor Under Fire For Re-Make of

Sex Education Sketch from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

"The Army has charged Pfc. Bradley Manning,

the soldier suspected of leaking thousands of

documents published by WikiLeaks, with

aiding and giving intelligence to the enemy."

Who the 'enemy' is or how Bradley could

 have given 'intelligence' the Army never

had were neither specified nor explained.

"There are two types of people:  the slobs who think my tie

is cruel and the Wisconsin Republicans who don't."

"Oh, the Law of Moses was just the Top 10 Commandments?

There are many, many more. Have you ever read Leviticus?

There are so many commandments in there, people who like

commandments are still counting them."

"Oh, don't mind him.  He's just an investigative reporter for

the Washington Examiner."

The Perfect Stormtrooper