According to the Associated Press, the United States is now winning

the war that two years ago seemed lost. That does not mean the

war has ended or that U.S. troops have no role in Iraq. They will

need to keep winning the war for the next 50, maybe 100, years.

The number of John McCain's flip-flops this election season

is now up to 69. Pretty goldarned erotic, wouldn't you say?

Peter Hong, a Minnesota GOP stalwart, has been busted for

attempting to purchase prostitution tickets en bloc, a clear

violation of Ticketmaster's anti-scalping policy which is being

rigorously enforced in the run-up to the Republican National

Convention.

"Here's a marketing strategy you should consider, John.

Say to the electorate: 'If you're among the first sixty million

Americans to vote for me on November 4, I'll double your order

for free. That's right: buy one war, get one free'. It worked

for me in '88, and it ought to work for you in '08."

Citizen of the World

Citizen of Lilliput

Old Milwaukee Man Arrested for Felony Possession of a Short

Temper and Misdemeanor Mowing While Intoxicated

Milwaukee Man Charged with Shooting His

Lawn Boy Because It Wouldn't Start

If you doubt that too much sugar will make your

kids hyperactive, consider the hummingbird.

"In terms of experience, Senator McCain, would

you say you're 'wet-aged' or 'dry-aged'? And is

that a blackjack in your hand or a lightsaber?"

Did you know there are 10,000,000 millionaires in the world today?

Did you know millionaires represent less than one-fifth of 1 percent

of the world's 6.7 billion people? If you would like to be a millionaire

and can handle the rich life, just click on the image.

Channelers of Bio-Energy Rally to the

Flag of Alternative Medicine Guru

"I totally agree, El Toro: bullfighting doesn't make

a lick of sense. But the show must go on."

"I don't care what the government says. It still doesn't add up."

"I'm politically independent.

I'm totally bipartisan.

I'm an absolute centrist.

I'm a big fan of Joe Lieberman.

Who am I?"

Just out of camera range, counterprotesters were

carrying the banner, Don't 'Jerusalemize' Sodom.

"Sure, John McCain's my buddy. If he did for you

what he's done for me, he'd be your buddy, too."

Haute Cuisine

With a Senior Equity Reverse Mortgage, he had turned a portion

of the equity in his home into tax-free income and had used it for

what he wished--all while staying in his home.

Displaced children do not endorse products. But this one

thinks Lifesaver Radials are too good not to be talked about.

"Did Grover Norquist really, like, say Don Young is a rat

head in a Coke bottle? If he did, man, that's the shiznit!"

"Ich bin ein Fudge-Esser."

Tour de Force

Tour de Farce

Democratic National Convention, or

Black Bag Job?

Paths of Victory

Old McDonald Had a Farm

The Birdman of Gitmo

"Welcome to the Exercise Yard, Detainee 72508!

Looks like you're the only one who showed up for

today's soccer match."

When little boys learn how to climb and throw rocks

at the same time, they will be in very heaven.

"Is it just me," asks John Derbyshire, "or have 
presidential candidates been getting worse and worse 
these past few decades? These two are appalling. I
 shall not vote for either. Fact, I wouldn't trust either
 of them to mail a letter or empty my litterbox."

The Governator's smokin'.

So's his pooch.

Having softened his stance against Republican presidential

hopeful John McCain, James Dobson ascended into heaven.

"Obama," says John McCain, "would rather lose a war in

order to win a political campaign. Me? I would rather

lose my temper."

He Walks by Day

Flour Power Activist in Afghanistan Supports Non-Violent Cookery

"And that's when I said, 'Who needs a Sex Pistol

when you've got a Dick Armey?"

Campaign Strategists Riding Their Election Cycles

Woman in Black Opposes 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'

Policy Toward Gay Intergalactic Aliens

If, as Senator McCain claims, the Surge is responsible for our

having won the Iraq War, someone needs to pass along this

good news to the friends and loved ones of the 219 American

soldiers killed and the 1,445 wounded since the first of the year.

Wisconsin Law Prof Sued for Looking Scurrilous

People Yelling 'Theatre' in a Crowded Fire

"A surge is really a counterinsurgency made up of a number of

components. First, there's the Ur-Surge. Then comes the Surge

A Quo, followed by the Surge Ad Quem. Finally, there's the

Über-Surge. I am deeply disappointed that no rational

person understands this."

MRAP Unwrapped

"Hey, Mom, I can't find my pet guinea pigs. Have

you seen them?"

"Drink to me only with thine eyes, Ehud, and I will pledge with mine.

Or leave a kiss within the cup and I'll not ask for wine."

"We've finally settled on a new slogan for my campaign.

How does 'It's the Cheesiest' sound?"

Singing 'Stuck on You', Lionel Richie Activist Tries

to Superglue Himself to UK Prime Minister