Saturday, April 20, 2013

Friday, April 19, 2013

"No disaster relief for Hurricane Sandy victims, but 
all available resources for the victims in West of the 
fertilizer plant explosion!"
Max 'Coward Caucus' Baucus

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Fertilizer Plant Told State of Texas It Could Not Explode:  
The Invisible Hand Strikes Again!
'Typewriting While Driving' Ban Passes Texas House
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #488
Shannon Richardson

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

How comforting it is to learn that the Senate won't be 
passing a law any time soon requiring people who wish 
to buy lethal weapons to undergo a background check.
Now we can wait, without discomfort, for Sandy Hook II.
"Hey, kid, did you hear what the big chimney said
to the little chimney?"
"No, what did it say?"
"You're too young to smoke."
"I don't get it."
"Sorry, kid, but you must be too young to get it."
Little Know Fact #35
Jaguars in South America gnaw on the 
roots of the Caapi plant until they begin 
to hallucinate and imagine they are

VW Microbuses.
Have we forgotten former Senator
Ben Nelson (D-NE) yet?
Fearguth's Rules of Order #56
Do not take seriously any Elvis impersonator who 
doesn't use an official Elvis Presley Hairbrush to
style his ducktails.
What if Anheuser-Busch had spent years 
redesigning the flavor of Budweiser
rather than the shape of the can?
I Remember Dubya #59
When he left office, Dubya's approval rating 
stood at 31%.  It's now up to 35%.  At this
 rate, Dubya should top 50% by about 2033. 
Is there an aesthetic law that requires corporate CEOs,
like Jeff Zucker, to be butt-ugly?
"Señor Gohmert is right, you know.  I'm actually
a Radical Islamist trained to act like a Hispanic.
¡Ándele! ¡Ándele! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!¡ Allahu Akbar!"
Beyoncé's New Castroite Nipples Steal Show
They had become weary of being jerked around.
When it comes to LGBT equality, Pat
 Buchanan says he is a 'Principled 
Rejectionist', which, being interpreted, 
means 'Old Bigot'.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #487
Brian Nieves
Nineteenth-Century German Nun Performs Miracle,
Turns Herself into Bronze Memorial, Is Put on the
Fast-Track by Pope Francis to Become the Matron
Saint of Diarrhea Remedies
Two-Minute Haters #33
Erik Rush
How Alex DeLarge Welcomed Joe Miller to the Alaska 
Senate Race:  "Ho, ho, ho! Well, if it isn't fat stinking
 billy goat Joe Miller in poison! How art thou, thou
 globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil!"

Monday, April 15, 2013

Dubya is a Grandpa who can read.
"Now I'm a Belieber
Not a trace of doubt in my mind
I'm in love with myself, I'm a Belieber."
Bob Perry Dies, Nation Struggles to Shed Collective Tear
Warm Scuzzies #384
Ron King
Floridians Giving Serious Consideration to Training
Ten-Foot-Long Burmese Pythons to Eat Rat-Sized
African Land Snails

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #486
Dr. Jeremi Suri
American Schutzstaffel #21
According to a new study, most kids cuss
 before they learn the alphabet.  After they
 learn the alphabet, they can begin to
 misspell cuss words, especially those
 longer than four letters.