When asked on November 9 what the President's mood
 was, Tony Snow answered, "Look, he's handling it the
 way he handles all these things. I mean, I was up
watching election returns. The President is not a guy
who's -- I'm afraid he doesn't get on the couch, Jim.
What he does is -- the statement he's made many

times is, 'What it is is what it is'. And what you
have to do is now figure out how you're going to
proceed." Tony's ability to speak incoherently in
the same way his boss does is apparently a function
of the Presidential Mood Bracelet he wears on
his right wrist.

Max Mayfield is retiring as the director

of the National Hurricane Center. When

he was asked recently why so few tropical

storms and hurricanes struck the United

States this year, he merely looked skyward

and shrugged.

Come January, we won't have Ken Mehlman to laugh

at anymore. Oh well, we're confident the new chairman

of the Republican National Committee will be even funnier

than his predecessor.

Published this past March at $27.95 retail,

a new copy of this hardcover book can now be

purchased through ABEbooks.com for only $1.00.

Are you going to let this opportunity to own a

modern classic pass you by?

Swift Boat Underwriter Bob Perry Pisses $9 Million

in Feckless Attempt to Douse Democratic Wildfire

The Japanese have introduced a new line

of brassieres which double as shopping bags.

Sizes include Baguette, Vienna, Boule, and

Knackerbrod.

Charles Krauthammer Loses Big in the Stock Market

of the Soul; Is Forced to Declare Moral Bankruptcy

President of Texas A&M Selected to Be 
New Coach of the Iraq Quagmire Swim Team

George Bush Distancing Himself from Dick Cheney

In the aftermath of last Tuesday's elections, infighting

within the Republican Party has already begun.

Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao Attempts to Toast

Russian Premier Mikhail Fradkov, But Misses

Election Night 2006 was especially hard on the pets owned

by wealthy Republicans. Take, for instance, this Dogue de

Bordeaux, the pampered pet of Texas gazillionaire Bob Perry.

As you can see, this canine is so lachrymose somebody had

better call the Suicide Hotline before it's too late.

Kylie Minogue is the first female celebrity to market a

self-titled fragrance in an economical half-gallon size.

She says the idea came to her when, while signing

autographs for her fans, her nostrils were filled

with the stench of the Great Unwashed.

Focus on the Family's James Dobson Offering

Biblical Proofs Supporting His Decision to

Avoid 'Laying On of Hands' as the Best Method

for Rehabilitating ReverendTed Haggard

Log in to eBay right now and you'll discover

that Bush's Brain is for sale. It would seem the

President really has no use for one during his last

two years as a lame duck. The starting bid is $1.99,

with no reserve.

A few days before the midterm elections on November 7,

Karl Rove brushed off an NPR reporter's comments about

what polls were showing by saying, "You are entitled to your

math and I'm entitled to THE math." Well, Karl got THE math

he was entitled to, with the Democrats sweeping Republican

majorities out of both the House and the Senate.

Senator George Allen Concedes He's One Flapjack

Shy of a Short Stack

"Take a look at this card! It proves I was once the

Senate Majority Leader. How could you possibly

have already forgotten someone as important as me?

You must be suffering from Alzheimer's!"

"Senator Burns, is it true the door didn't hit

you in the ass as you were leaving the Senate?"

President Bush says the Democratic sweep last

Tuesday really hurt his feelings.

Zoologists at the Wolong Giant Panda Research Center

say that the favorite game of panda cubs is pile-on.

"I'm proud to announce I've just received a Lifetime

Achievement Award for Political Recycling."

It's official! The capital of California will be moved

from Sacramento to Hollywood.

ÜberAggie Robert Gates Succeeds Donald Rumsfeld as

Secretary of Defense; Texas Longhorns Join Iraqi Insurgency

If you didn't see the fireworks display last night

when the Democrats buried Republicans all

over the United States, here's the instant replay.

President Bush Helping Dick Pombo Wave

Good-bye to His Political Career

Eschewing rhyme and meter, the Secretary of

Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, used free verse today

to announce he was resigning. Here's what

he said: "Twist my arm he did not put my ass

in a sling shot my wad while my brain I racked

up points my way outta here. Flauschink!"

To NOT see the face of Curt Weldon on Capitol Hill

anymore will be a pleasure so excruciating it'll

almost be painful.

President Bush Eating Cream of Crow

Rubberface Elected As Indepublicrat;

Declares Sainthood and Is Appointed by

the United Nations as Moralist-General

These Republican ducks are more than lame.

They're dead.

Jason Voorhees has enrolled in a workforce

redevelopment program in order to retool

his slasher skills.

Claudio Pinto Before He Heard the

Results of the Midterm Elections

After He Heard

'Rick Santorum, Senator Emeritus'.

Ah, truth has a ring to it that is like

a sweet lullaby.

The picture of Katherine Harris we've all been waiting for.

Capitol Braces for Pelosian Invaders

Red-State Supporter Celebrating Bolshevik Revolution

This Republican ostrich pulled its head out of the sand, saw

that Rick Santorum is senatorial history, said "I stick with Rick,"

and then stuck its head back in the sand.

If ever there was a woman who deserves the ugliest

epithet ever invented, it would have to be Katherine

Harris. So it's time for Elmer Fudd to say it:

"Good widdance to bad wubbish, you dumb cunt!"

Even Vladimir Putin is eavesdropping tonight on the

election results in the United States.

Voters Playing New Video Game Hit,

America Votes 2006

Republican Candidates Struggling to Drive the Bush Sled

Monica Lewinsky Switches Political Parties, Says She

Wonders What a Republican Prick Tastes Like

Where's Tonto?

George and Jeb Doing the Hugger-Mugger

President Bush Issuing the Executive Order to Kneecap

Anybody Who Doesn't Take Two Sugars and a Double Shot

of Fat-Free French Vanilla Coffee-Mate in Their Morning

Vente-Sized Cuppa Joe

Q: What do you get when a bunch of parrots feed

from the mouth of Karl Rove?

A: The right-wing blogosphere.

As Jim Talent, the Republican senatorial candidate

from Missouri, spoke, President Bush put on his magic

glasses. With these, he could see his approval rating at

91%, a vibrant democracy in Iraq, and Kim Jong-Il vying

with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to be the first to say,

"For being part of the Axis of Evil, I repent in sackcloth

and ashes." What the President saw couldn't help but

make him smile.

When Ken Mehlman, Chairman of the Republican

National Committee, goes to hell, his face will be

frozen in the pose in which you see it now. That's

the good news. The bad news is his hellmates will

be forced to stare at his face for all eternity.