"So, when Ms. Coulter asked you to remove your protective

suit and get comfortable, you did tell her you weren't the

real Jonah Goldberg, didn't you?"

This old Gambian woman claims she--and she alone--possesses

the skeleton key to unlock the inner secrets of the Myth of

Ronald Reagan, the Ancient of Republican Heydays.

Authorized Photo of Dick Cheney Addressing CPAC

Unauthorized Photo

So long as there is a little boy doing backflips in a garbage dump,

there's hope for the human race.

As February 14 approaches, Valentine's Day forecasters

are predicting a record Libidopalooza, which may well

top last year's World Orgasm Day.

World stock markets lost $5.2 trillion in January, Standard

& Poor's said Saturday. If, like this dude, you own a pair of

glasses equipped with Value Decreation Lenses, you will be able

to see where all that money went. Otherwise, you won't.

Recently-Declassified Photograph #6

Book Found on Nightstand by Dick Cheney's King-Size Bed

As children, some of us played the game of tongue-lips.

George Bush still does.

"President Bush's stock is at an all-time low, that's true,

but don't sell just yet. I think it may go even lower."

Spermatozoa Under Ultra-High Magnification

"Believe me, if I had an opening for a walrus in my
government, you would be at the top of my list."

Afghanistan National Policeman Using Toy AK-47

to Arrest Play-Doh Talib

Yielding to popular demand, Pizza Hut has finally

introduced a new 100% Cheese Pizza.

MSNBC's David Shuster Suspended for His Irresponsible and

Inappropriate Plagiarizing of Tucker Carlson's Impersonation

of Chris Matthew's Gynophobic Logorrhea

A Moroccan soldier will tell you that if you take away his

hat and epaulettes, there's not much left.

"On your right, children, is a member of the al-Aqsa Mortar

Brigade. It has come to us all the way from Palestine."

When he heard his son say today that Dick Cheney is "the

greatest Vice President in history," George H. W. Bush, who

served two terms as Ronald Reagan's Vice President, indicated

he had had it up to here with Dubya.

"It's Slinky! It's Slinky!

For fun it's a wonderful toy!

It's Slinky! It's Slinky!

It's fun for a girl and a boy!"

Julie Myers, ICE Queen, Standing Next to Winner of

'Most Redacted Face' Halloween Contest

World's Worst Jobs #73

Indonesian River Recycler

Nuclear Warhead

Conventional Warhead

"In the Hundred Years' War, young man, I regret that you

have but one life to give for our country."

For the sake of his party, his country, his planet, his solar system, and

his galaxy, Mitt Romney has suspended his presidential campaign.

Amanda Lepore Introduces New Line of Patriotic Transgender

Apparel for the 2008 Republican National Convention

House Judiciary Committee Successfully Removes Attorney

General's Mask, Says "You're One Ugly Motherfucker!"

"You can call it 'Koran', 'Quran', or 'Qu'ran', Mr. President.

Just don't call it 'Nucular Family Bible'."

"Age before beauty, you mangy cur!"

"All they needed to prepare my budget for 2008 was

an Etch a Sketch. Republican technology is pretty

amazing, isn't it?"

Romney Transcontinental Express

Temporarily Suspends Operation

"Tagg told me if I wasted any more of his inheritance on

my presidential campaign, he was going to commit

patricide and become a member of the Church of

the SubGenius."

The age-old conundrum, 'Which came first, the chicken
 or the egg?', has been solved. It was a tie.

Beware: government eavesdroppers are everywhere.

Doctors Warn of the Dangers Posed by Hillbilly Heroine

"I do hope that at some point we would just calm down a little bit."

From his rathole somewhere in the Cox Radio

Syndicate, Neal Boortz had this to say the other day

about the city of New Orleans and the victims of

Hurricane Katrina: "Cries of the downtrodden,

my left butt cheek. That wasn't the cries of the downtrodden;

that's the cries of the useless, the worthless. New Orleans was

a welfare city, a city of parasites, a city of people who could

not and had no desire to fend for themselves. You have a

hurricane descending on them and they sit on their fat

asses and wait for somebody else to come rescue them."

Whew! This rodent needs some more cheese, don't you think?

Patriots Defeated in SuperBowl, Lose Big Heads

Wildlife Tip #6
Don't feed the hand that bites you.

"Pat Buchanan says I will make Dick Cheney look like Gandhi.
If that's so, my wife Cindy will make Lynne Cheney look like

Mother Angelica."

Little Men, Big Hats

You simply can't imagine how much he hated The Doors.

Ukrainian Democracy at Work

Aye Aye Survives SuperTuesday, But Barely

"Goodness yes, Senator! After we waterboarded the shit

out of those tewwibble tewwowists, we had no choice

but to start towtuwing them."

"That's understandable, General Hayden. But would

you please tell this Committee when you first became

enamored with Elmer Fudd and developed your

widiculous wisp?"

Xiao Qiang, the whale, would have told Yang Yang, the boy,

to vote for Barack Obama, the candidate. But the whale

couldn't speak, the boy was too young to vote, and

the candidate couldn't hold his breath that long.

During his second childhood, John McCain is hoping to be an

even bigger bully than he was in his first. "I'll be kicking the asses

of all the Mama's boys I missed the first time around," he says.

On even-numbered days, Senator McCain thought he
 was Captain Ahab. On odd-numbered days, he thought
 he was Moby Dick. When the two eventually collided, 
not even Ishmael lived to tell the tale.

Once again, it was murder on the SuperTuesday Express.