Veepenstein #19

The Baron with His Clothes On

The Baron with His Clothes Off

Electromicrograph of an Ann Coulter Fagocyte

"I may be partisan as hell, but I'm smart enough to

know that neither the Republican Party nor the

Democratic Party gives a shit about the so-called

'little man'. Both parties are just masks worn by

Big Money, the only difference between the two

being that the Republicans aren't afraid to take

off their masks and the Democrats are."

Chased by a gigantic dog, the chuckwagon set

a new land speed record.

The way rightist bloggers march in lockstep is

pretty impressive. But, as you can see, there's

still room for improvement.

Admirer of Modern Poultry Unexcelled in Ability

to Pick Up Chicks

President Bush's Reaction When a Blogger Called Him a

"Jumped-Up Piece of Rich Connecticut Trailer-Trash"

Slackers Become Politically Active,

Form

Where Clouds Come From

Saturday Morning Palate Cleanser

"Yes, President Fox, I'm afraid of horses. But at least

I'm not afraid of fat-tire bikes, like you are."

Zombie Flunks Lurching Class for Third Year in a Row

Will effigy-burning be the next demonstration

sport at the Olympic Games?

Laura Bush Without Her Meds

Laura Bush With Her Meds

Veepenstein #18

In order to produce enough plutonium for an atomic bomb,

you first have to start a Cheney reaction, like this one.

"Don't ask me 'where's the beef?', Mr. President.

Maybe it's in Iraq."

In one of his recurring dreams, President Bush has lost

his legacy in the weeds, but, despite repeated attempts,

he can't quite find it.

America's Triple Threat: Dick Cheney, George Bush, Mike McConnell

Log Cabin Republican Takes Refuge in the

Heartland of Homophobes

Andrew Meyer Losing His Battle with the Boss Beast in

the Climactic Scene of Resident Evil: Extinction

"Let that be a lesson to you, son! You gotta zip up your

shorts before you start asking questions!"

Obnoxious Journalist Threatens Droning Senator with
 Questions, Is Tasered by Cops for 'Carrying a Book 
Without a Permit'

If, as some say, high heels are a conspiracy against women,

many women must be co-conspirators.

Vicente Fox, the former President of Mexico, says that despite

George Bush's cowboy image, he is actually scared of horses.

That's why there are no horses on Bush's Crawford ranch and

no pictures of him sitting astride one of those noble beasts.

Hellraiser X: Runway to the Bottomless Pit

Republican Representative Peter King claims he was

quoted out of context when he said yesterday, "We

have too many mosques in this country." According

to the congressman from New York, what he actually

said was, "We have too many mosquitoes in this country,"

a line from his latest commercial for one of the nation's

leading insecticide manufacturers.

Darth Vader Removes Mask to Prove He's Not Dick Cheney;

Threatens to Sue Hillary Clinton for Defamation of Character

According to the latest poll, the approval rating for the

Congress of the United States is down to 11%. Does this

mean our system of government is no longer a representative

democracy? Has it become a misrepresentative democracy?

An unrepresentative democracy? Or, perhaps, has it become

something other than a democracy altogether?

World's Worst Jobs #56

Chinese Coal Unloaders

“I picked up some new French today. Here goes:

L’État, c’est moi. Laura says it roughly means

the same thing as how 'bout them apples.”

Sheikh Abdul had been warned that shaking hands

spreads more germs than kissing. He ignored the

warning and paid for it with his life.

"You'll be happy to know, General Petraeus, that the Senate

will vote 72-25 to condemn this outrageous ad from MoveOn

which appeared in The New York Times. Soon after, that

august body will vote unanimously to put you on the fasttrack

to sainthood."

Sheikh Up

Sheikh Down

"I'm probably one of the four or five best known Americans in

the world. I'm right up there with Jack Bauer, Tony Soprano,

and O. J. Simpson."

"It's time for my midmorning snack, Mitch.

Don't worry, you won't feel a thing."

American Empire #5

Black Ops

Character Actor Kurtwood Smith Identified As Stunt Double for

CIA Director Michael Hayden

American Empire #4

Unintended Consequences

Republican Representative Peter King says there are
"too many mosques in this country. There are too many
people sympathetic to radical Islam. We should be
looking at them more carefully and finding out how we
can infiltrate them.” He spoke on the condition that
his infiltrator's mask not be removed.

"Gitchy gitchy ya ya!"

American Empire #3

Battlefield Geometry

"You don't know this, but a week from now the Pentagon

will release a report contradicting every claim I'm

making today about progress in Iraq. How do I know

this and you don't? Well, that's for me to know and you

to find out, suckers!"

"How do you keep going, Mr. President, given the unpopularity

of the war and the general assault on your policies?" Without

flinching, the President placed his right hand over his liver and

answered, "Because, like Barry Goldwater said long ago,

in my heart, I know I'm right."

Every generation has its Three Stooges. Our parents had

Larry, Curly, and Moe. We have John, Joe, and Lindsey.

“By the way, I’m not Episcopalian. I’m Baptist. So, if you

don't mind, call me John the Baptist from now on.”