Saturday, December 08, 2007

"Trashy Ads Crowded Us Out of Our New Home,"
TBogg's Basset Hounds Howled
"Hold on, hold on! I was only kidding about being
a Palestinian celebrating Hanukkah on the eve of
"Keep your chin up, Jason! You'll die so fast
you'll never know what hit you."
German Chancellor Discomfited by French President's
Gloss on Gustave Courbet's 'Desperate Neocon'
"There's a good reason why all hippopotamuses are overweight,
little one. But I'm too full at the moment to remember what it is."
"I distinctly remember hearing you say we were
going on a 'blimp tour', Congressman Paul!"
"We don't need to see your Visa card. We just need
to know which one of you is the hostage to fate."
Thanks to Froogle, this soldier from Napoleon's Grand
Army saved $70.00 on his Norelco SmartTouch-XL razor.
Doctors Hopeful Conjoined Twins Can Be Separated
Successfully; Surgery to Be Performed Before a Live
Audience at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas
Allegories for Our Time #5
Barry Bonds and the Glory of Baseball
Sad Episcopalians Vote to Secede from Gay Episcopalians

Veepenstein #20
Baron's Reanimation Experiment Stirs Controversy
On Cinco de Zappadan, Fearguth remembers driving the
Camino Del Rio, from Lajitas to Presidio, on New Year's
Eve, 1988, sipping cheap champagne, and grooving on
'Dinah-Moe Humm'.
Rudy Giuliani Questioned Concerning His
Shag Harbour Alien Keychain

Friday, December 07, 2007

Condi Rice Impersonator Exposed as Hugo
Chavez Mole in the Mickey Mouse Club
Cookie Finally Crumbles;
Howard Krongard Resigns as the State
Department's Inspector General
The only military force less feared than the Mexican Navy

is the Nicaraguan National Guard.
Just the day before, the unlucky backpacker had been told
the chances of a meteorite hitting him in the nose while he
slept were 1 in 182 trillion.
Oregon Balloonist Flies 193 Miles in Lawn Chair,
Complains about the High Cost of Onboard Snacks
"So which is it, Senator McConnell: are you saying
the lives of full-time professional soldiers are worth
less than the lives of draftees, or are you saying that
draftees aren't full-time professional soldiers?"
"Gold tie, diamond-studded cufflinks, manicured nails,
expertly-trimmed beard. You may be a hard-nosed
sonofabitch when it comes to torturing people, Mr. Rizzo,
but you're the most nattily dressed nominee to come before
this Committee in a month of Sundays."
Ratso got all huffy when someone asked if he was
related to John Rizzo, the Acting General Counsel
for the CIA.
"Hey Rizzo, you any kin to Ratso?"

"Gott in Himmel, stop calling me 'Beans' Haussler!
My name is HEINRICH!"
"Yep, another one of those war-addled chickenhawks.
Ship it to Iraq!"
If the U. S. didn't have such restrictive gun control
laws, you might find a rocket-propelled grenade
launcher under the Christmas tree this year.
Win the Mongolian Wrestling Championship,
win a sea bream.
Looks like what Hakan needs right now is some
Orajel Maximum Strength.
"And then I took those wascal CIA torture tapes
and cwushed them in my bare hands!"
On the eve of the Fourth Day of Zappadan, RAQ whipped
up some dragon lotion for their version of 'Dirty Love'.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Fearguth Shows Up with an Old Book
"Isn't it amazing how I was able to explain my faith
by uttering the word, 'Mormon', only once? We in
the Inner Circle understand this. Those of you in
the Outer Circle don't."
"Like some fries with that ketchup, mate?"
"Murtha and Dingell march to the tune of Nancy Pelosi
to an extent I had not seen, frankly, with any previous
speaker. They are not carrying the big swinging dicks
I would have expected. I’m trying to think how to say all of
this in a gentlemanly fashion, but in the Congress I served
in, that wouldn’t have happened.”
"What you mean, 'Bush's credibility'?
That heap big oxymoron, Kemo Sabe."
"Iran is inclined to express a desire to obtain the knowledge to
be able to enrich uranium so that they might re-start their
program-related activities which could possibly produce a
nuclear weapon by 2013. Be afraid, America, be very afraid!"
Man Chastised for Badgering
His Wife's Beaver
"Dan Bartlett says right-wing bloggers 'regurgitate exactly
and put up on their blogs what you said to them'. Wouldn't
you agree, Mr. Hinderaker, that this sounds more like puking
than blogging? Uh ..... Mr. Hinderaker?"

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

White House Road Map to the Grass Roots
"I mean," writes Dan Bartlett, former counselor to President Bush,
"talk about a direct IV into the vein of your support. It’s a very
efficient way to communicate. They [right-wing bloggers] regurgitate
exactly and put up on their blogs what you said to them. It is
something that we’ve cultivated and have really tried to put
quite a bit of focus on."
On the second day of Zappadan, President Bush went
nucular when he saw the Culture Ghost's Zappa collection.
Blank Slate #4
Top Stories from December 5, 2007
"Hitchcock's Secret"
"How 'Stairway to Heaven' Ruined Led Zeppelin"
"What Do the Cops Have on Me?"
"Should the Government Pay You to Lose Weight?"
"When Bad Movies Happen to Cute Animals"
"Why the Stink Over Pink"
Siblings in Tehran Wondering How Many Asses Stephen
Hadley Had to Kiss to Become President Bush's National
Security Adviser
After being taken to the woodshed for his dunderheaded
series on genetic IQ differences, Slate's William Saletan
published a semi-retraction. That's all well and good, but
it dodged the real issue, namely, how supercilious
intellectuals, like Saletan, play with explosive ideas
as if they were baby rattles.
Secretary Gates and General Petraeus Walking
the Green Zone Mile in Baghdad
Whatever you do, do not flatter Rick Stengel,
Time's managing editor. Why? Because he
wrote the book on it --- You're Too Kind:
A Brief History of Flattery.
World's Worst Jobs #68
Chinese Railroad Track Digger
"It's all a matter of perspective. If our plane wasn't so
close to the moon right now, it would look a lot smaller."
"What? The plane?"
"No, dummy, the moon!"
Fearguth's Rules of Order #3
Always mute your iPod when approaching
a monkey on a rope eating watermelon.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

"Would you mind explaining how the Halfway
House for Neoconservatives ended up here, in
the middle of the NIE Railroad track?"