Don Surber finally hangs up his blogging

 cleats and shuffles off to the Don Blanken-

ship Memorial Old Folks' Home. 

"If Mitt Romney had been elected in 2008,

I'd still be alive.  And I gotta tell you, 

watching Obama spike the ball really

hurts my post-mortem feelings!"

It had taken Jesus only three days to 

arise from the grave.  For Breitbart,

it has taken 69 days---and counting.

According to a new rule, anytime a Secret Service 

agent goes on a date with the President, there must

 be at least one chaperone present at all times.

What James Madison Had in Mind When 

He Wrote the Second Amendment

Little Known Fact #29

One of Tucker Carlson's middle names is

 Swanson.  Yes, that Swanson.

Misanthropes hate people.  Misanthropists do them one

 better:  they also hate misanthropes.

The news of Ayn Rand's 'atheism' had left Congressman 

Ryan shaken, but not stirred.

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #10

Delmon Young

Uh-oh.  Looks like Governor LePage is full again.

Get ready for more bullshit.

Brooklyn School Bans Hugs;

Cookies Still OK

It was bound to happen:  Callista has dumped Newt for her 

doppelgänger.

Warm Scuzzies #288

John Kuzmich

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #383

Steve Cookson

"I promise you, the President has a big stick. I promise you.”

Batcat

"Sustainable farming is not a myth."

"You don't say!"

"Yep!  Pass the word."

"That darn Fourth Amendment!  It's getting in the way 

of my scheme to expand Florida's drug-testing industry." 

Former disciples of Ayn Rand wear penitential hoods to 

keep their identities secret.  But a reliable source

 tells us the guy in the upper-right-hand corner of this

photograph is Congressman Paul Ryan.

White House Gives Terminator OK to Assassinate 

Sarah Connor at Will

Rightbloggers and Other 

Internet Biohazards #121

Save White People

If the Sign of Truth had been a snake, it would have

bitten Representative Todd Akin (R-MO).

When he ran for President in 2012, Mr. Potato Head 

put on a different face to suit every voter.

When The Matrix series ended, Agents of the System 

went to work for the United States Secret Service.

"I'm suffering from 'Food Insecurity', Seymour.

 In other words, FEED ME!!!"

When Rip Van Newticle awoke, the 

Republican primaries were over and 

he was $4.3 million in debt.

Testicle Face I

Testicle Face II

Steve Doocy Demonstrating His 'Paraphrase' of

Standard Teabagging Technique

Warm Scuzzies #287

Spirit Airlines

Is Mitt comfortable that Jimmy Carter would be 

comfortable with a Romney presidency?

Burger King Breakfast Club, 2017

Will Marco Rubio be this election's Sarah Palin?

New Study:  "64% of Tweets Are Totally Boring 

and the Other 36% Are Completely Unnecessary"

Rick Santorum was on the verge of 

endorsing Mitt Romney, but he

suddenly had to pinch one off and

lost his train of thought.

Karl Rove Doing His Mallard Fillmore Impression

Environmentalists Fear New Biotech Corn

Senator Grassley Sez:  "Those Colombian prostitutes 

could have been a sleeper cell of spies left over from

the Soviet Union."

Secret Service Secret

Warm Scuzzies #286

Accretive Health

The Defense Industry is shifting campaign dollars, 

which originated as taxpayer dollars, to Republicans.  

In other words, if you are a Democrat, you are being

taxed to support Republican political campaigns.

She said she liked to wear the Confederate battle flag

 because the diagonal stripes made her ass look like 

the CSS Chattahoochee.

Steve Doocy has a new book.

The Politico Illustrated #25

'Senate Dems carry Obama's water'

Hugo Chavez Sez:  "I'm not dead.  I'm getting better.  

I feel happy, I feel happy!"

The House That Insomnia Built

Remember Matt Drudge?  He wore interesting

hats, but he wasn't big-boned.

"If you think my eyes look deadly, you should see my

entire face.  I'm a disciple of Medusa."

Mike Tindall isn't as dumb as he

looks.  He now enjoys 'Royal

Nookie'.  You probably don't.

Not many people do.

Does anyone know who stole this mink's coat?