Saturday, September 13, 2008

Steve Schmidt Advising John McCain to Implement
Plan 9 from Outer Space
"I bet nobody here can name an issue I have
flip-flopped on during the past 24 hours."
Fisherman says it now takes two hands
to handle a McCain whopper.
If Napoleon Had Opted for a Career in Fashion
Modeling Instead of World Conquest
Thanks to the influence of Monty Python, it is now widely
believed that nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
That's not quite accurate. The Nuns of Savona do.
Asked how he keeps up with Alaskan affairs, Prime Minister
Putin says he climbs up on Philipp Kirkorov's shoulders and
looks due east.
On Friday, while Sarah Palin was defending the $200 million
in earmarks she had requested in 2008 as Governor of Alaska,
John McCain was denying that she had ever requested any.
That's pretty funny, isn't it, Senator?

Friday, September 12, 2008

"Do I look like I need lipstick? Get serious!
I need an extreme makeover."
"There she is, Myth America
There she is, our ideal."
"It's easy for me to go to Washington and, frankly, be
somewhat divorced from the day-to-day challenges
you non-Muppets have.”
What Sarah Palin was doing when she should
have been boning up on foreign policy.
"Lisa Schiffren has accused me of asking questions as if you
were a grad student. I know you attended five different
colleges before you got your bachelor's degree. But I was
unaware you had attended graduate school.
Which one, Sarah?"
World's Worst Yoobs #22
Lisa Schiffren
"She calls you 'Pootie-Poot', you call her 'Cocky Wacko'.
And then you ask her to explain the difference between
entente and detente. Vladimir, you should have
been a comedian!"
September 11 was officially over. The 24-hour
political ceasefire had finally come to an end.
Among friends, the Governor of Alaska refers to Eskimos
as 'Arctic Arabs'. They live in igloos like these.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Even the Sarah Palin Action Figure knows
what the Bush Doctrine is.

How were Rick Davis and John McCain supposed to know that
Raffaello Follieri was only pretending to be Gavin MacLeod,
the captain of the Love Boat?
World's Worst Yoobs #21
Nancy Pfotenhauer
Hulk Hogan Gets in Touch with His Inner Code Pink
As of September 10, 2008, Sarah Palin was still campaigning
with her 'training wheels' in place. And would someone please
remind us what office her husband is running for?
In Sarah Palin's world, female victims of rape had to pay for their
own medical exams and, if pregnant, had no choice but to bear the
child. It was, in short, a world created by 'a feminist revolution
without the feminists'.
"Did you say this earmark is called 'The Thrilla from Wasilla'?"
"Yes, Senator."
"My, my, my, that's a lot of pork! What do you think they fed
it to make it so huge?"
"Hogwash, Senator, nothing but hogwash."
McCain 2.0 Running Against Obama/Biden, GOP,
Mainstream Media, Washington Insiders, Coastal
Elites, Democratic Party, McCain 1.0

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Bush Administration Officials Exchange Sex for Oil;
Gives the Slogan, 'Drill Baby, Drill!', Added Meaning
Which Is More Dangerous?

Putting lipstick on a pig,

or on a pit bull?
If John McCain had an immortal soul,

it would look like this.
The Sphinx Cat was beginning to wonder if we may be
living through a lost episode of Fantasy Island.
Reigning NBA MVP Kobe Bryant will not have surgery on his
right pinkie, because it would keep him from casting magic
spells for too long.
You may have noticed that John McCain and Todd Palin are always
by Sarah's side on the campaign trail. That's because she still needs
'training wheels', so to speak, during the election cycle.
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has billed taxpayers for 312 nights
spent in her own home in Wasilla during her first 19 months in office.
In other words, she gets paid her regular salary plus a per diem
allowance to grind up caribou for the yummy hot dogs she frequently
prepares for her family. If we all could double-dip into the public
purse like Sarah does, we might vote Republican, too.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

“The Republicans are intellectually unfit to govern right now,”
David Brooks writes. Couldn't the same be said of Republicans
who write columns for the New York Times right now?
Man Says He's Eaten 23,000 Big Macs Since 1972
President Bush Endorsing Recommendation to Withdraw
8,000 Troops From Iraq After He Leaves Office
"This election is not about issues," says Rick Davis,
campaign manager for McCain/Palin. "This election
is about a composite view of what people think about
important things, like the stylishness of John's and
Sarah's shoes."
Even though it is proved beyond a reasonable doubt
that a candidate for President of the United States
is a chronic liar, that doesn't mean a majority of the
American electorate won't vote for him. It could well
be that the majority finds a liar and his lies to be much
more congenial than truth.
Showing deference to Sarah Palin is sure hard on the knees.
Who is hiding inside the Trojan Moose?

Good guess!
"Never forget, my dear: the best caribou is a dead caribou!"

Monday, September 08, 2008

If you want another tax cut, you're going to have to get in line.
Clinton Campaign Strategist
New Republic Blogger
Indie Rock Critic
Fox News Commentator
BĂȘte Noir of Media Whores Online
Hair Club for Men Dropout
Meet Howard Wolfson
The woman was disappointed to learn the more
experienced she became, the older she got.
"Really, Charlie, do I look like Sarah Palin?"
If you want to know what time it is in Jammu,
just ask these guys.

In this week's Parade magazine, Warren Buffett tells his
readers '10 Ways to Get Rich'. There's an 11th way he left
out: marry Cindy Lou Hensley.
"Pardon me, young ladies, but is this the
line for a Bowl of Promises?"

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Does anyone know the release date for the Nintendo Wii
version of the Republican National Convention?