Steve Gilliard, 1966-2007

He fought back.

Representative Jerry Lewis (R-CA), under an ethics cloud so big

it threatens to spawn a Category Five storm, has decided to seek

shelter by not running for a 17th term in the House of Representatives.

A spokesman for Mr. Lewis says he plans to spend his retirement

years basking in the praise of the French, who believe he's even

funnier than the famous comedian of the same name.

Andrei Lugovoi, the Russian businessman accused of

poisoning Alexander Litvenenko, was arrested

yesterday by the Moscow Fashion Police for wearing "a

suit that brings the entire Motherland into disrepute."

"There's much we know and can agree on around the
climate change issue," says Rex Tillerson, ExxonMobil
 CEO, "and there’s much that we just don’t believe we
do know … and we want to have a debate about the
things we know and understand, the things we know
about that we don’t understand very well, and the

things we don’t even know about around this
very complex issue of climate science. So that is
what will continue to be our position until we
change it."

After Michelle Malkin explained how the cow ate the cabbage,

someone asked her to explain it again. She refused, saying that

she doesn't chew her cud twice.

This is Mike Allen, chief political correspondent for The

Politico. Glenn Greenwald describes him as "the single

most obedient, right-wing-power-worshipping reporter

in Washington, a distinction for which there is a

crowded and heated competition." Sounds harsh until

you take a look at the guy and imagine him sitting

in Karl Rove's lap, gnawing on a rawhide chew toy.

You've probably heard the expression, 'shitting bricks'.

It means 'to be extremely scared or frightened'. Here,

for example, is one such brick, beshat by a very rich,

yet very frightened, old man.

The Goblin Shark spooks you first, then gobbles you.

World's Worst Yobs #10

Glenn Reynolds

Dog Owners from Hell

Hugo Chavez is convinced the world is ready for

a Mr. Universe contest, even if he has already

decided who the winner will be.

"Caine, do you hear the grasshopper that is at your feet?"

"No, Master Po, but I do hear the one in the mouth of the monkey."

If these congressmen, all under federal investigation,

truly 'represent' their constituents, then our nation

is in more trouble than we thought.

"Honest to God, when Rudy laughs like that, he reminds me

of what Benito Mussolini looked like when I was a child."

Rudy Giuliani Demonstrating How His Birth Canal Experience

Has Prepared Him to Lead the Nation From Darkness to Light

Eugene Levy doesn't think much of the 'Korean model'

of the American presence in Iraq.

U. S. Embassy in Baghdad Hailed As Ninth Wonder of the World,

Right After King Kong

"I am announcing today a new international climate change

framework, which sets aspirational goals for reducing carbon

emissions, but contains no concrete targets or dates, no

enforcement mechanism, and no penalties for noncompliance.

It also won't take effect until four years after I leave office

and move to Dick Cheney's bunker.”

"Is it true, Mr. Bartlett, you are leaving the Bush

Administration so that you can spend more

time with your pet tarantula?"

"See, I told you nobody breaks wind like President Bush."

"Rub-a-dub-dub

Three bears in a tub."

"Hey, why did Baby jump out?"

"Maybe the water's too hot."

"Maybe the water's too cold."

"Let's ask Goldilocks. She'll know."

World's Worst Jobs #43

Chilean Oil Spill Cleaner

Sarko the Giant's Monarchical Ambition Unmasked

"'Scuse me for sayin' so, Mr. Governator, but your boots

don't match your pants. And what are you tryin' to

hide with your hands, anyway?"

New Work by Damien Hirst, Entitled

'Diamonds Are Forever, But You Aren't'

After he's had a few beers with the guys, Sean Hannity will tell

you the only reason he gives a damn about chicks like Debbie

Schlussel is that he's a breast man, not a thigh man.

"Tell me, Billy, do you think I have a snowball's chance

in Hell of going to Heaven?"

Friends of his from Texas were shocked recently to find the

President nearly wild-eyed, thumping himself on the chest

three times while he repeated 'Me Tarzan, you Jane!'

"Say what you will, but I would much rather be a

pig-on-a-leash than a sausage-on-a-stick."

"Would you mind telling this committee, Admiral Fallon,

how your many years sailing the ocean blue prepared you

to fight a war in the deserts of Iraq and Afghanistan? And

while you're at it, you might explain whether your facial

expression at this moment means you are ready to bite

someone's head off or you just need to piddle."

"But do you understand, Senator McCain, what the New
York Times wants, and the far-left want? They want to break
down the white, Christian, male power structure, which you're
a part of, and so am I, and they want to bring in millions
of foreign nationals to basically break down the structure
that we have. We've simply got to put a cap on the number
of Keith Olbermann fans allowed to enter this country!"

Monica Goodling Granted Immunity From Prosecution

Under Blonde Jokes Statute

Just moments after this picture was taken, Ken Ham,

founder of the Creation Museum, was mistaken for

a turnip and swallowed whole by an Apatosaurus.

After almost forty years, John Cleese has finally

been brought to justice for shooting a cheese

shop owner in the head.

There are two conflicting interpretations of this picture.

Creationists say it is Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Evolutionists say it is Charles Darwin and a fair maiden

in the Galapagos Islands.

Senator Lieberman Buys Rose-Colored Glasses in Baghdad Market,

Says "What I see here today is progress, significant progress"

"I keep having this pain here in the eastern hemisphere of

my brain. I think I must be suffering from an old war wound."

Fred Thompson Launches Presidential Campaign;

It Returns to Earth As TV Land Re-Run

Cluster of Concord Grapes Escapes From Mogen David Winery

The cicada had waited patiently 17 years for its chance to prove

it was the most efficient and loudest sound-producing insect

in the world.

Flagwaver Leads One-Man Parade

Squidward Identified as One of the Conservative Religious

Leaders Who Secretly Visited Vice President Cheney at His

Official Residence at the Bottom of the Sargasso Sea

As can be plainly seen, George Washington stands

head and shoulders above George Bush.

Fearless Chicks Prove Tigers Are Real Pussies

Platform Diver

(Embryo Stage)

Chickenman Struck Down by Bird Flu

When Mao returned, the first thing he wanted to know

was why the spelling of his last name had been changed

from Tse-Tung to Zedong.

Captain America Jilted by Miss USA

City of the Dead Powered by Atoms for Peace

"The question was, 'Why didn't the President appoint as the

new head of the World Bank someone who looks like the average

Joe with a last name easy to spell, like Smith, Jones, or Johnson'?

Well, I'm afraid you'll just have to ask him."