Saturday, May 12, 2007

“We’re confident that Kim Jong-il's long-range missiles
are so poorly designed and constructed that they will fall
only on Iraq, Iran, and North Korea, thus destroying the
Axis of Evil in one swell foop.”
“Let me go over this one more time, Laura. Franz Ferdinand
was a band from England assassinated while playing in
Wienerschnitzel, Austria, in 1941, and this is what started
World War II. Right?”
So as to avoid being overheard by the National Security Agency,
Karen Hughes whispered, “If you don’t let go of my arm, Karl,
I’m going to crush your nuts!”
The King of Sweden couldn't figure out where to start eating
the Incredible Edible Egg Chair. The Queen couldn't either.
Having scarfed down a plate of 'Richard Anconina' Arborio
risotto with creamed asparagus and parmesan flakes at
Fouquet's, Sarko the Giant hurried off to antagonize some
more riff-raff.
"Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
when I'm sixty-four?"
In the run-up to last fall's elections, gas prices dropped
dramatically. But the Republicans got whupped on November
7, and gas prices have shot back up since then, reaching
all-time highs. Life is filled with amazing coincidences, isn't it?

Friday, May 11, 2007

T. Rex's insatiable appetite for Torosauruses was putting
a real strain on Cleveland's zoo budget.
Moonbat and Wingnut were battering rams who kept
the blogosphere atwitter.
Sean and Katherine, the Original Tighty Whities

The cat had repeated "Come and get me, copper!"
one too many times.
"Now hear this, now hear this,
this is your captain speaking.
Do not abandon ship until I give the order.
I repeat:
Do not abandon ship until I give the order."
If the blindfolded lead the blindfolded . . .

"The problem with us Democrats," says Lanny Davis,
"is too many of us are like me."
A Skeptic's Prayer
"O God (if you exist),
please send Tony Blair to Hell (if it exists)."
"Don't look now, George, but that's history over
there just waiting to sweep us into the dustbin."

Thursday, May 10, 2007

"Do I know I received a law degree from Harvard University in 1982?
I think I may be aware of that."

Proof Positive the President Is a Snake-Oil Sniffer
Palestinians and Israelis Enrolled in Collaborative
Learning Program Begin Construction of New Pyramid

"Standing here at ground zero of the US attorney tornado,
I am happy to report I have weathered the storm."

'Nudie Circles' Latest Evidence of Extraterrestrial Visitation
Tzipi Livni had been given the unenviable task of playing
nursemaid to an increasingly simple-minded Prime Minister.
The US soldier felt privileged to be the recipient of
the last rose of Baghdad.

Purdue Pharma, maker of OxyContin, is expected to plead
guilty today on charges it was the foremost facilitator of
Rush Limbaugh.
Creationists Claim Fossil Prints Prove Co-Existence
of Humans and Michelinosaurs
Push this button on June 27, and Tony Blair will disappear.
Now, if we can just find the Bush button . . .

"You don't have to be mad to play in the NBA.
But it sure helps."
World's Worst Jobs #37
Chinese Salt Miner

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

"Pardon me for saying so, Mr. Vice President, but your
outfit makes you look an awful lot like The Penguin."

Senior Administration Official in Straitjacket Greeted at
Airport by Baghdad Asylum Keeper
France Elects Sarko the Giant to Be Its
First Seven-Foot Napoleon

Puss 'N Boobs
World's Worst Yobs #9
David Horowitz
"I understand your last name means 'Big Bad Brainy Wolf', Paul.
Well, Fred tells me mine means 'Little Red Riding Hood'."
It gradually became clear why

Angela and George had had another one
of their extramarital spats.
Graduates of the University of Leipzig's Renowned
Beard Management Program, Class of 2007
Joseph Sepp Blatter and Gordon Brown Discover Chris
Matthews' Original Hardball Wasn't So Hard After All
Princess Beatrice Kisses Frog,
Contracts Chytridiomycosis

Have you tried one of Annie Munoz's new
taste sensations, a worm-filled lollipop?

Green Sea Turtle Becoming Nauseous at the Sight
of Nearly-Nude Tourists

Baseball As Seen from the Fly-Ball-on-the-Wall
Point of View
Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness have gotten Northern
Ireland's new joke-sharing government off to a hilarious start.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Without her skis, Anja Paerson is like a fish out of water.

Renato didn't kid around when he drank a glass of beer.

"Holy cow! How long has it been since we've seen each other?
Two minutes? Five minutes? Whatever, it's been too long!"
"Unh, unh, unh! I didn't say 'Simon says, grab the bar'."

The Queen couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard
someone yell "Oh shut up, Big-nose!" during the singing
of The Star-Spangled Banner.
Setting the Stage for Backyard Tire Fire's Release
Party for Their New CD, Vagabonds and Hooligans