"Oh, we're face swappers:  I have hers and she has mine."

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #72

Gary Bettman and the Stench of Cold Hard Cash

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #134

"Some gays are actually having children born to them.  

It’s not right on paper. It’s not right in fact. Every 

child has a right to a mother and father.  And don't 

forget:  in today's Republican Party, I'm a severe

moderate."

World's Worst Yoobs #127

Ginger Gibson

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #18

Josh Mandel

World's Worst Yobs #269

Charles C. W. Cooke

John Sununu would have preferred to back a presidential 

candidate who was an Arab-American of Greek, Lebanese, 

and Palestinian descent, but he had to settle for a white 

Mormon centimillionaire, instead.

For his years as a tax fraudster, sex maniac, billionaire, and

Premier of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi has been rewarded with 

a four-year prison sentence.  Mussolini should have been 

so lucky.

If elected, Mitt Romney promises to

name Meat Loaf as his White House

music director.

[From the way Romney is laughing,

'America the Beautiful' must be

funnier than 'Wooly Bullyy', as

performed by Sam the Sham

& the Pharaohs.]

As John Sununu goes to show, you don't necessarily have to 

be ugly to be an unreconstructed racist.  But it sure helps.

Etymologically, 'senator' means 'old man'.  

Josh Mandel, Republican candidate for sen-

ator from Ohio, is 35.  With life expectancy

 for a male in the United States at 76, Josh

Mandel is not qualified to be an 'old man'.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #433

Matt Bai

Remember Yogi Bear?  

Granted, combining Halloween and Christmas would be

more efficient.  But would it be more fun?

As a young man, Rand Paul couldn't decide which he

enjoyed more:  dissecting cats or setting himself on fire.

People say Newt Gingrich has an evil eye.  That's a half-

truth:  he actually has two.  It's just that one is more evil

than the other.

Muscle Max Sez:  "For Paul Ryan to even bring up

the subject of poverty is an indication of a bad

 conscience, a sign of weakness.  To him I say, 

'Keep transforming your body with the P90X 

Workout and STFU about poor people!'"

When Bassnectar hits the stage, 

even Muslims rage.

"Is it just me, or aren't we all feeling like it's 1943, when

this battleship, the USS Wisconsin, was commissioned

four years before I was born and twenty years before

my father didn't march with Martin Luther King, Jr.?"

In the last days of the 2012 presidential race,

Mitt Romney made a final appeal to the 

nation's shrinking---but forever fervent---

Nixon fanbase.

Is Richard Mourdock, as Tina Fey

claims, a 'gray-faced man with a 

$2 haircut'?  Or is he a turnip

from which all the blood has

 been removed? 

World's Worst Yoobs #126

Ellen Carmichael

Tina Fey is reporting a new study which shows that 

every time you say either 'Todd Akin' or 'Richard 

Mourdock', you get a little bit dumber.

"Obama, Powell, Rice:  God, how I hate the way

those people stick together!"

Warm Scuzzies #339

Western Tradition Partnership

El Ratón Más Fuerte!

[If Mighty Mouse had been born South of the Border]

The Unexpurgated Bible #82

"For ye have Donald the Clown with you always."

'Republicans Rally Around Richard Mourdock'

Best-Selling Republican

Refrigerator Magnet

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #155

Michelle Malkin, Paul Jacob, and Joe Wurzelbacher

"So what if I've been hit by the Florida Ethics Commission 

with 11 counts of violating state rules!  Here in Florida, the 

minimum number of violations required to unseat a sitting

Republican is 12."

Just Moments After Lindsay Lohan Endorsed

Mitt Romney for President

Unlike Barack Obama, Mitt Romney gets his tan

out of a can.

Obama Shucking and Jiving

Palin Jiving and Shucking

Romney Flashes the Mormon Bird (AKA 'The Sign of

the Miracle of the Gulls')

Gregory Peterson has committed suicide in the same Utah 

cabin where he raped women and hosted Republican Party

 fundraisers. Like they say, "Be it ever so humble, there's 

no place like home."

"It says right here that Satan is convincing many in

 our land that they can form a marriage between the 

same gender. My, how God must be sad about this. 

He has a controversy with the inhabitants of this 

land, and until we reject those evils, we shall 

suffer accordingly. We wonder why we’re 

suffering economically, why we’re suffering 

the moral decay, and now they want to take 

away that natural union between a man and 

woman that’s called family.”

Does Helen Purcell, the Maricopa County Recorder, look

like the sort of person who would "ever want to suppress

 anybody from voting, including Hispanics”?

"Hey, folks, just because I endorsed Richard Mourdock

doesn't mean I won't distance myself from him when it

is politically expedient for me to do so,  ha ha ha!"

"One morning, as Mitt Romney was waking up

 from anxious dreams, he discovered that in 

his bed he had been changed into a monstrous

 verminous bug."

Graveyard Reserved for the 30% of Americans Who Planned

to Retire at 80 and Missed It by a Long Shot

After the third presidential debate, the American people

had a better understanding of why Mitt Romney had 

introduced Paul Ryan in front of the USS Wisconsin

on August 11, 2012:  it was a subliminal message about

the Navy of the Future.

Radar Says That Douglas Kass Says 

That Donald Trump Says That Ed 

Klein Says That Michelle Obama 

Considered Filing Divorce Papers 

Twelve Years Ago

 The Log Cabin Republicans have endorsed Mitt Romney, 

saying, "On issues of particular concern to the LGBT 

community, we believe Governor Romney will move 

our balls forward compared to past Republican 

presidents."

"If you say 'Romnesia' one more time, whatever I

 said I was going to do to you, I'm going to do it!"

Richard Mourdock Sez:  "And I think even when life 

begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is 

something that God intended to happen.  What I 

said was, in answering the question from my 

position of faith, I said I believe that God creates 

life. I believe that as wholly and as fully as I can 

believe it. That God creates life.  Are you trying 

to suggest that somehow I think that God pre-

ordained rape? No, I don't think that. That's sick. 

Twisted. That's not even close to what I said. 

What I said is that God creates life."

[Got that?]

"Like Sarah Palin, I am writing a book on

 fitness and self-discipline focusing on where

 I get my energy and balance as I still eat 

my beloved homemade comfort foods!"

Oxymorons for Our Time #139

Jim Talent