Saturday, January 17, 2015

Gunhuggers are saying the open carry demonstration inside
 the Washington State Capitol was a false-flag operation
carried out by gunbanners from a local trailer park
 in order to give responsible gun owners a bad name 
and give lawmakers an excuse to infringe on Second
Amendment rights.
It's obviously time for Fred Thompson to start looking
presidential again and drive all the GOP pretenders
 from the field.
"Yeah, we started hearing 'pop, pop'. 
I figured somebody was shooting
 somebody. It's going on all the 
time now.  Sigh!"
Metaphor Mixology #7
Erick Erickson Sez:  "Renee Ellmers is a lying waste 
of oxygen."
"The only thing we have to Fleer is Fleer itself."
American Schutzstaffel #49
"Behold, brethren, the Fist of Charity!"
"Sorry, Mr. Vader, but the new Oklahoma law requires
you to check your hoodie at the Red River."
Somewhat counterintuitively, Bone-In Pork Rectums cost more.
M. C. Escher must have been on Jam Cruise 13.
[Click on image for full effect.]
"Simba is a pussy!"
Having ransacked Wisconsin in search of the whitest man
in the state, the Republican Party found Glenn Grothman
and the voters in his district elected him to the U. S. 
House of Representatives.  Careful:  if you stare at 
him too long, you will go snowblind.
Whiteworld #23
If they were black, Dalton Hayes and Cheyenne Phillips
would be called 'thugs'.  But they're white, so they're
called 'teen sweethearts' and 'Bonnie and Clyde teens'.
"When I'm in it, it's pronounced 'la-VOR-a-tor-y'!"

Friday, January 16, 2015

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #103
Joe Paterno Has Risen From the Grave
"We Republicans here in Kansas never raise taxes.  We 
just use 'Enhanced Revenue Techniques' and everyone 
voluntarily sends in donations."
Warm Scuzzies #528
North Miami Beach Police Department
"Go ahead, HAL, I dare you to read my lips!"
"Train up a child in the way he 
should go: and when he is old, 
he will not depart from it."
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #56
Jan Morgan
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.
The principal Academy Award nominees this year are
 so white that, at the Oscars Governors Ball,

only albino lobsters will be on
the dinner menu.

And having said that, Pope Francis warned,
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
"Just washed my hands and can't do a dang thing with them!"
Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Tambourine Gone?
 "While gathering swallows twittered in the sky, 
his beard grew surreptitiously."

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Yes, you heard that right:  the American Flatulence
Institute has come out in opposition to the Obama 
Administration's crackdown on methane emissions.
Map of Republican Genome Sparks Criticism
Senator Ernst Claims Right to Open Carry a
Bertschy Emasculator While Delivering the
GOP's Response to President Obama's 
State of the Union Address
According to a new poll, 69% of New York City voters say
that PBA President Patrick Lynch should have his hair
mussed and his jaws wired shut.
Whether conspiracies are real or imagined, conspiracy 
theories are spawned by the desire to give a rational 
explanation for why things happen the way they do.  
For many, a conspiracy theory is much more 
reassuring than the notion that "Life is just one 
damn thing after another."
French anti-Semites are so gauche they can't properly
perform simple tasks, such as arm farting.
"From this day forth, put your faith in me!"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #608
Howard Garrett
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #157

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #65
Dave Agema
Warm Scuzzies #527
Prestonwood Baptist Church (Plano, TX)
It's New Hope Ministries, unless you're a 
dead lesbian, then it's No Hope Ministries.
Give Mike Huckabee some credit:  he makes other 
Southern Baptists look good and that's difficult to do.
"Remember, Sarah, don't be distracted by Hello Kitty's 
pretty red bow.  Aim for the vitals."
Six Islamophobic Bedwetters in Search of
Dry Sheets
American Schutzstaffel #48
When he saw the headline, 'Gun Deaths Are Poised to 
Surpass Automobile Deaths in the United States', he 
wondered if carrying a gun while driving was the 
smart thing to do.
Nancy ScareQuotes
As this demonstrator learned the hard way, never wear
flashy Spanx while on the protest line.
"Some of my Republican colleagues in the Senate believe
in climate change and some don't.  Needless to say, I 
always agree with my colleagues."
"Just for Men Tri-Color Beard brings out the best 
in your facial hair."
We need a third Romney presidential campaign as much
as we need a $138,000 Text-Messaging Chandelier.
"I just wanted you to know, Governor, that shaking 
hands spreads more germs than kissing."