Thursday, June 14, 2007

Fearguth will be on the ground at the Bonnaroo
Music Festival June 14-17, 2007. He will be offline
until June 19. Your condolences will be appreciated.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

After a long night of waterboarding by the President,
Republican hardliners finally confessed they are members
of al-Qaida. But they still refused to vote for his immigration
reform plan.
If you knew what the squirrel monkey knows,
you'd hug your fuzzy ducky, too.
The next time you are tempted to bitch about flight delays,
just remember this: the airlines are doing the best they can.

"Other than Jimmy Neutron, the only animated character
who gets as many laughs as I do is George Bush. But his show
is scheduled to be cancelled in January, 2009, and, besides, he
has never been Nickelodeon quality. But you already know
that, doncha kid?"
"They can have their votes of no-confidence but it's not going to
make the determination about who serves in MY government.
Likewise, I'm the one who decides if my wristwatch broke down on
the streets of Rome or if my limo was stolen by an Albanian pickpocket."
The President was caught off guard when the reporter
asked, "Is it true the first part of Dubya is Duh?"
The good news: Rudy went to the mountaintop.
The bad news: he came back.

Her pro-life posture began to relax a bit when she
saw how unrestricted curbside baby delivery was
working out in practice.
"Will you come, will you, will you,
will you come to the bower?"
"I might, Fair Maid, I might,
but thy water bill doth affright."
When Kenyon Dooling says he can make a basket
with his eyes closed, it's no brag--just fact.
George Dickel Tennessee Whisky Eggs
World's Worst Jobs #46
Israeli Rocket Retriever

Woman Plays Host to World's Biggest Louse
Not only did Hugh Yik lose the skating competition, which
was bad enough. But then he was sued by Wyeth Consumer
Healthcare for putting their brand in a bad light.
According to the rules of Sumo, if you catch a rikishi
that's too small, you have to throw it back.
Too late, Silvio Berlusconi realized he could
have had a V-8.
PETA Demonstrator Given Bare Bum's Rush

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

"If they don't play by the rules, we've got to use our force,
and to me, that would include dropping Senator McCain
on Iran to stop them from doing what they're doing."
Vladimir Putin smiled broadly when Sarko the Giant
insisted he was never drunk at the G8 Summit, only
short of breath. "And that's the only shing thort
about me!" he added emphatically.
Ian Poulter, the über-stylish British golfer, credits much of
his success to his life-long infatuation with jackass slacks.
On June 27, 2007, Tony Blair will drink the Hemlock of
Political Nonentitude. That's also Ass Wednesday, so
mark your calendar.
"It's Monty P-a-n-e-s-a-r, not P-y-t-h-o-n,
you dumbarse fOkk!"

Kotooshu Throws Kotoshogiko in Dohyō,
or
Friday Night Smackdown at Benihana


"I think," says Georgia Republican Representative
 Jack Kingston, "it's important for elected officials to know 
the importance of the flag.  It would take a constitutional 
amendment to further protect the flag, but there are groups 
who have strong emotions about the flags and we
have debates about it. Thank God we have a special 
day, Flag Day, for me to explain these deep things 
to you."
World's Worst Jobs #45
Indian Cow Pattie Dryer

"Gotta wind this up. Talk atcha later. Bye!"

Victoria Beckham Baffles Batters with
Screw-You-Ball

National Bird Asks for Leave of Absence Until 2009, Says
Symbolizing Country Led by Turkeys Bad for Self-Esteem

Monday, June 11, 2007

General Fearguth Leads Army of Peacemongers to
Victory in the Battle of Wakarusa
Israeli Soldier Not Fooled by Cheap Plasma TV Knockoff
Offered by Palestinian Spammer

They had been debating the pros and cons of the
Ontological Argument for the existence of God
when someone yelled, "Horseshit!" That's when
Stormy got riled.
The villagers of Fushe Kruje were thrilled when President
Bush gave them his secret 'Albanian Wave'.
Race Officials Say Formula One Crash Due to "No Intel Inside"
"My friends say I'm a strong murderous beast, with jaws as
powerful as a steel trap and an insatiable appetite for tigers,
lions, elephants, buffaloes, donkeys, giraffes, octopuses,
rhinoceroses, moose, chickens, ducks, and rabbits.
My enemies say I also eat my friends."
Disguised as his disciples, the enemies of Tang Seng
groomed him for his Journey to the Land of the
Summer Solstice.
Snowy Owl Mighty Pissed by Global Warming

If Goofy Had Been a Multibillionaire
Roger Waters Tosses Baseball at The Dark Side of the Moon,
Misses, Hits The Wall Instead
Fans of the Ottawa Senators were really steamed when
their team lost to the Anaheim Ducks.
She got the monkey off her back. Now if she
could just get the iguana off her head.