Revenge of the Creature

Viktor Yushchenko, President of Ukraine, is a man of ideas

and a man of action.

Mitt Romney and Other Cast Members on the Set

of The Iowa Straw Poll Massacre

Marco the Magnificent has always maintained an

unusually close relationship with his fans.

The first indication that horses no longer considered

themselves to be beasts of burden was when they

refused to jump.

Flag Desecration #2

"Why is Maysoon so mortified? Can't you see? Her perfect

modesty has been betrayed by her naked, lascivious hand."

"Holy Moses! Hercules was right. There was

a whole lot of shit in the Augean stables."

Xia was already having second thoughts about

her marriage to Bao, who no longer held the

record for being the world's tallest man.

Dennis Kucinich seemed a bit overconfident that Ron Paul

would never catch up with him in the race for last place.

"Psssst, buddy, look over here! Could I interest you in this

neo-expressionist work by Jean-Michel Basquiat? He's
dead, you know, but I'm now worth millions."

When Saint Domenico wasn't up to his ass in alligators,

he was up to his eyeballs in snakes.

How David Beckham Settled the Dispute Over Whether

He Has an 'Innie' or 'Outie' Bellybutton

When Chris Matthews says, "I don't see a big, beefy

alternative to Hillary Clinton -- a big guy. You know

what I mean? An ... every-way big guy," he has obviously

forgotten about Manny Yarbrough.

"9/11! Vote for me. September 11, 2001! Vote for me.

WTC collapse! Vote for me. Twin Towers fall down!

Vote for me. The day everything changed! Vote for me.

Extensive marriage experience! Vote for me."

"Hey, ditwads, the parade's over here!"

There's nothing quite so satisfying on a hot summer day than

cool, clear water. That's why, in the age of global warming,

the last great war will be fought over water.

There are many reasons to laugh, including

laughing at reasons.

"No, no, darling, they didn't say 'dirty bitch'.

They said 'dirty beach'. These guys are here

to clean up an oil spill, that's all."

If you've ever had a hankering to kiss a beluga whale on the

mouth, Yang Yang shows you how it's done.

Do you have any idea how many children have been left

behind since George W. Bush became President?

Here's just one.

Wrist Watch One

The Day Vladimir Putin Forgot to Wear His Elevator Shoes

Some people have yellow streaks down their backs,

some down their fronts.

What is it about cats that makes them want to

play with their food?

"Prince William, you don't say 'Rat-a-tat-tat' when

you're playing hand drums."

It's not that Barry Bonds may have used steroids.

It's that hitting home runs--even 756--is not

such a big deal anymore.

An essential ingredient of all tasteful and discriminating

South Korean protests is a timely application of

Arrid Extra Dry Spray.

Glenn Murphy, recently elected Chair of the Young Perv National

Federation, has been forced to resign his position for 'business reasons'.

Things to Avoid #4

Underwater Tigers

"Did you see that my approval rating jumped from 29% to

34% according to the latest Gallup Poll? I must have regained

the support of the Nervous Nellie wing of my conservative base."

Flappers Show Up for Dance Contest 80 Years Too Late

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #2

Dawn of the Deadly Deck Chairs

Veepenstein #17

The Baron's Executive Washroom (with Attendant)

Drudge Report Funnies #11

"'Jail Me So I Can Quit Smoking', Says Iowa Woman..."

Modeling lingerie is sheer drudgery,

but somebody has to do it.

His father famously described the Internet as "a series

of tubes." So, it's not surprising that Ben Stevens wears

a Looney Tunes tie.

Automobiles are only 'Subtotaled' in the United States.

In Iraq, they are 'Grand Totaled'.

Just Deserts #1

Kyle Sampson, former chief of staff for Alberto Gonzales,

will spend eternity sitting alone in an empty hearing room.

Byron York to Wed
Dutch Cleanser Girl

Fearguth Turns 5,000

"Gee whillikers, it seems like only yesterday when

he uploaded his first post. Now he's up to 5,000.

Do you think Jane Goodall will ever give him the

recognition he deserves?"

Jesus Takes Wrong Turn, Runs into

Dead End on the Via Desperatio

Woman Goes All the Way with New

'Total Obscurity' Burqa

"More teeth! I demand more teeth!"

The strongest reason Mitt Romney has offered to date in

support of his bid for President is that he is a Mormon.

Hanging in the 'Hood, American-Style

Hanging in the 'Hood, Iranian-Style