Saturday, December 07, 2013

“I think the minimum wage law has outlived its 
usefulness and I would vote to repeal it.  I would 
also vote to send Tony Hayward, BP's former 
CEO, a 'Thank You Holiday Gift Basket'."
Appearances to the contrary notwithstanding, you are not 
now gazing upon wax dummies at Madame Tussaud's.

Friday, December 06, 2013

Sheriff Rick Clark's Profile in Bigotry
The Wild Wild West Rides Again
"What's Rick Santorum up to these days?"
"He's developing his Nelson Mandela impression
by comparing his fight against Obamacare in the 
U.S. to Mandela's fight against apartheid in South 
Africa.  He's also working on his five-finger exercise."
Rand Paul Sez:  "Signing up for Obamacare
put me in a bad mood."

Thursday, December 05, 2013

John Boehner's Proposed New GOP Pick-Up Line:  "Ladies,
 if you want to know just how sensitive we Republican men 
are, watch Speaker Boehner cry."
Callista Gingrich Changes Hair Color to Match
Pantone's 'Color of the Year', Radiant Orchid
If, as he claims, President Obama is 'dictatorial' like Fidel
Castro, will Ted Cruz follow his father's example and 
emigrate to Canada? 
“A few years ago the psychiatrists, the psychologists
 used to say that homosexuality was a mental illness,  
Now, the Supreme Court has said that we have 
right to be mentally ill.  Like me, for instance.”
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #35
Quin Hillyer
Do you know where your cellphone is?
The NSA does.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Duncan Hunter (R-CA) Sez:  "I think if you have to hit Iran,
 you don't put boots on the ground. You do it with tactical
 nuclear devices, and you set them back a decade or two
 or three.  I think that's the way to do it -- with a massive 
aerial bombardment campaign."
Warm Scuzzies #436
Taylor Palmisano
Banker to Wall Street Poodle 
Charles Schumer:
"Sit, Chuck. Roll over. Good dog!"
"Back on my home planet, they call
me 'Scarface'."

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

If you've read Hans Vaihinger's The
Philosophy of As-If, you know that
what we call 'Reality' is nothing more 
than a useful fiction and a shimmering
optical illusion.  But, even so, you have 
to admit it's still pretty cool.
Chevy Chase Playing a Land Shark That Decided to Skip
the Front Door and Take a More Direct Approach
The Galilean Village Jesus Decided to Skip
Which is better:  Assless Chaps or a Chapless Ass?
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #89
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas from the 
Children of Cheddarheads
"Dreck Dynasty?  Oh, yeah, I watch it every week.  In fact,
I plan to name my next calf after Si Robertson."
"Honey, looks like the Amazon Octocopter is delivering
another load of Bezos' bullshit to the neighbors across
the street."
Warm Scuzzies #435
Randy McMillan
Let's give credit where credit is due:
Cops invented the 'Knockout Game'.
Will Bill O'Reilly declare war on this year's
Kardashian Khristmas Kard?
Having lost his race for the Senate in New Hampshire in 2002
and his races for the Senate in Florida in 2004 and 2010, Bob 
Smith says he is 'serious' about losing his race for the Senate
 in New Hampshire in 2014.
The Politico Illustrated #34
'Christie steamroller hits home-state hurdles'
Teabaggers Figure Out Way to Nail Jello to
Obama's Wall
Jellyfish Messiah's Prophecy Disconfirmed,
Jellyfish Disciples Experience Cognitive Dissonance
Little Known Fact #45
The Elf on the Shelf works for the NSA.
Washington White Trash
(Proposed New Mascot for the DC
Football Team)
Jeff Jeff Zucker

Monday, December 02, 2013

The best symbol of racism is a dead symbol of racism.
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #29
Danita Kilcullen
Rightbloggers and Other 
Internet Biohazards #144
Daily Paul
If NSA surveillance is so darned effective in foiling 
terrorist plots, why are leaders of the House and 
Senate intelligence committees saying "Americans 
shouldn't feel safer today than they did before 
the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks"?
You'll be happy to know that the old stairway to Atheism
has been replaced by an escalator.

Sunday, December 01, 2013

No one knows for sure, but, apparently, someone had 
uttered either 'Catholic League' or 'William Donohue'
 in the presence of the Holy Father.
Pope Francis Rumored to Be 'Chastely Thrilled' at the
 Prospect of Appearing on Both 'The Daily Show' and
 'The Colbert Report'
Is the sexual exploitation of children the result of nature 
or nurture?  Answers vary.
"What was it like to execute 62 people?
Well, it goes without saying that my face
will never be the same.  And you'll be 
happy to know I'm now opposed to the
death penalty."
Televangelist Paul Crouch, co-founder of the
Trinity Broadcasting Network, died today at
79, thereby proving he was a real historical
figure and not a mythological character, 
like the Reverend Gene Scott.
"OK, so I'm one of the frontrunners for the GOP presi-
dential nomination in 2016.  But, quite frankly, I'm out
 of breath at the moment and need to sit down."
"I can never remember his name, but he was
always very popular with the ladies."
Governor Walker Sez:  "The GOP needs an optimistic message,
like 'The Cow Jumped Over the Moon' or 'The Dish Ran
Away with the Spoon'."
It's hard to believe, but Cardinal Dolan says he and his church
 have been 'out-marketed' on gay issues by Hollywood, politi-
cians, and opinion-molders.  Maybe his church should estab-
lish a Sacred Congregation of Propaganda.  What?  You say
 his church did that way back in the 17th century?  Well,
Hully Gee!
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #168
'Nice Deb' and Lloyd Marcus
Swallowing a snake by the yard is hard, but by the inch, 
it's a cinch.
"Oh, hell yes!  I'm even crazier than
I look!"