“I think the minimum wage law has outlived its 

usefulness and I would vote to repeal it.  I would 

also vote to send Tony Hayward, BP's former 

CEO, a 'Thank You Holiday Gift Basket'."

Appearances to the contrary notwithstanding, you are not 

now gazing upon wax dummies at Madame Tussaud's.

Sheriff Rick Clark's Profile in Bigotry

The Wild Wild West Rides Again

"What's Rick Santorum up to these days?"

"He's developing his Nelson Mandela impression

by comparing his fight against Obamacare in the 

U.S. to Mandela's fight against apartheid in South 

Africa.  He's also working on his five-finger exercise."

Rand Paul Sez:  "Signing up for Obamacare

put me in a bad mood."

John Boehner's Proposed New GOP Pick-Up Line:  "Ladies,

 if you want to know just how sensitive we Republican men 

are, watch Speaker Boehner cry."

Callista Gingrich Changes Hair Color to Match

Pantone's 'Color of the Year', Radiant Orchid

If, as he claims, President Obama is 'dictatorial' like Fidel

Castro, will Ted Cruz follow his father's example and 

emigrate to Canada? 

“A few years ago the psychiatrists, the psychologists

 used to say that homosexuality was a mental illness,  

Now, the Supreme Court has said that we have a 

right to be mentally ill.  Like me, for instance.”

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #35

Quin Hillyer

Do you know where your cellphone is?

The NSA does.

Duncan Hunter (R-CA) Sez:  "I think if you have to hit Iran,

 you don't put boots on the ground. You do it with tactical

 nuclear devices, and you set them back a decade or two

 or three.  I think that's the way to do it -- with a massive 

aerial bombardment campaign."

Warm Scuzzies #436

Taylor Palmisano

Banker to Wall Street Poodle 

Charles Schumer:

"Sit, Chuck. Roll over. Good dog!"

"Back on my home planet, they call

me 'Scarface'."

If you've read Hans Vaihinger's The

Philosophy of As-If, you know that

what we call 'Reality' is nothing more 

than a useful fiction and a shimmering

optical illusion.  But, even so, you have 

to admit it's still pretty cool.

Chevy Chase Playing a Land Shark That Decided to Skip

the Front Door and Take a More Direct Approach

The Galilean Village Jesus Decided to Skip

Which is better:  Assless Chaps or a Chapless Ass?

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #89

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas from the 

Children of Cheddarheads

"Dreck Dynasty?  Oh, yeah, I watch it every week.  In fact,

I plan to name my next calf after Si Robertson."

"Honey, looks like the Amazon Octocopter is delivering

another load of Bezos' bullshit to the neighbors across

the street."

Warm Scuzzies #435

Randy McMillan

Let's give credit where credit is due:

Cops invented the 'Knockout Game'.

Will Bill O'Reilly declare war on this year's

Kardashian Khristmas Kard?

Having lost his race for the Senate in New Hampshire in 2002

and his races for the Senate in Florida in 2004 and 2010, Bob 

Smith says he is 'serious' about losing his race for the Senate

 in New Hampshire in 2014.

The Politico Illustrated #34

'Christie steamroller hits home-state hurdles'

Teabaggers Figure Out Way to Nail Jello to

Obama's Wall

Jellyfish Messiah's Prophecy Disconfirmed,

Jellyfish Disciples Experience Cognitive Dissonance

Little Known Fact #45

The Elf on the Shelf works for the NSA.

Washington White Trash

(Proposed New Mascot for the DC

Football Team)

Jeff Jeff Zucker

The best symbol of racism is a dead symbol of racism.

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #29

Danita Kilcullen

Rightbloggers and Other 

Internet Biohazards #144

Daily Paul

If NSA surveillance is so darned effective in foiling 

terrorist plots, why are leaders of the House and 

Senate intelligence committees saying "Americans 

shouldn't feel safer today than they did before 

the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks"?

You'll be happy to know that the old stairway to Atheism

has been replaced by an escalator.

No one knows for sure, but, apparently, someone had 

uttered either 'Catholic League' or 'William Donohue'

 in the presence of the Holy Father.

Pope Francis Rumored to Be 'Chastely Thrilled' at the

 Prospect of Appearing on Both 'The Daily Show' and

 'The Colbert Report'

Is the sexual exploitation of children the result of nature 

or nurture?  Answers vary.

"What was it like to execute 62 people?

Well, it goes without saying that my face

will never be the same.  And you'll be 

happy to know I'm now opposed to the

death penalty."

Televangelist Paul Crouch, co-founder of the

Trinity Broadcasting Network, died today at

79, thereby proving he was a real historical

figure and not a mythological character, 

like the Reverend Gene Scott.

"OK, so I'm one of the frontrunners for the GOP presi-

dential nomination in 2016.  But, quite frankly, I'm out

 of breath at the moment and need to sit down."

"I can never remember his name, but he was

always very popular with the ladies."

Governor Walker Sez:  "The GOP needs an optimistic message,

like 'The Cow Jumped Over the Moon' or 'The Dish Ran

Away with the Spoon'."

It's hard to believe, but Cardinal Dolan says he and his church

 have been 'out-marketed' on gay issues by Hollywood, politi-

cians, and opinion-molders.  Maybe his church should estab-

lish a Sacred Congregation of Propaganda.  What?  You say

 his church did that way back in the 17th century?  Well,

Hully Gee!

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #168

'Nice Deb' and Lloyd Marcus

Swallowing a snake by the yard is hard, but by the inch, 

it's a cinch.

"Oh, hell yes!  I'm even crazier than

I look!"