Saturday, March 06, 2010

Vatican Hit by Red Hat Society Scandal
"Dupe, Dupe, Dupe, Dupe of Hope
Dupe, Dupe, Dupe of Hope
Dupe, Dupe, Dupe of Hope
Dupe, Dupe, Dupe of Hope."

'King of the USA' to Launch March 22 on
CNN in Lou Dobbs' Former Time Slot
Campfire Jumping Very Popular
in Today's Modern Turkey
World's Worst Yobs #157
David Kupelian

Friday, March 05, 2010

Adventures in Lexicology #3
Stupak (stu-pæk), n.  A bowel blockage caused by having
your head lodged above the transtubular plane of the
descending colon. [The Democratic representative
from Michigan is obviously suffering from an acute
case of stupak.]
Life's a Beach
(Especially in California)
Roadside Symbols Banished from Arizona Highways
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #30
Re-Animator: the White House Years
Israeli Party Barge Still in Drydock
Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #8
Imagine a chicken gizzard that haired over.
That would be Liz Cheney.
"Whenever I need to relieve the pain in my joints,
I smoke them."
Was John Patrick Bedell a libertarian nut
or a nutty libertarian?
Sean Penn's mood turned dark after
he was diagnosed with a malignant
egocytoma.
"Did you know Quaker Puffed Wheat is
shot from guns, too?"
"You must find it very heartwarming, Senator Hutchison,
to learn that 30% of the Republicans in Texas voted to
promote you to the office of governor."

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #139
David Grisham
"Calling Dr. Coburn! Calling Dr. Coburn!"
"Sorry, he can't help you. He's a Senator now."
"Are acorns trying to destroy me? No, not really.
But I can't say the same thing for Hannah Giles."
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #45
Richard Shelby and David Vitter
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #138
Robert Schulz
Palin Publishing Second Book
Award-Winning Sculpture at Bunning Man Festival
Palin Family Performs at Swagstock, Strips It Like Locusts
Shall we put Reagan on the $50 bill?
Soitenly!
"I never drink . . . wine."
I Remember Dubya #37
Yes, George Bush was a history-making Texan. But
so were Clyde Barrow and Anna Nicole Smith.
Jon Swift (AKA Al Weisel)
1963-2010
RIP

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

"At 50, you have the lean, taut look of a lifelong
swimmer, with broad shoulders and distractingly
prominent quadriceps. How do you do it, Rahm?"
"Well, Senator, I say 'knucklefuck' a lot."
"I'm a salty old sailor," Eric Massa says.
Well, hellooo, sailor!
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #137
Larry Deen
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #29
Great Caesar's Ghost! It's Perry/White in Texas
'Miracle on the Hudson' Pilot Retires from US Airways,
Follows Example of Rocky Marciano
Oxymorons for Our Time #25
Party Faithful
"John McCain," Tom Tancredo was saying, "is not a very
pleasant person. He is nasty, mean; the skin of an onion
would look deep compared to his. He has a short fuse,
he is almost peculiarly unstable." That's when, witnesses
say, McCain ripped Tancredo's lungs out.
Senator Bunning. This is just one Senator. This does not
represent the position of the Republican caucus.”

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #28
Somebody Up There Hates His Fucking Guts:
The Jim Bunning Story
"Don't let my gray hair fool you. I haven't grown
wiser with age. I've just grown older."
"Sorry, kiddo! The Senate's in the Constitution,
so we're stuck with it."
"Retweet! Retweet!"
Beached Whale

Beached Albatross
Is there a road ahead for Harold Ford?
Yes, but . . .
"Senator Bunning, I'm coming to put a
big hurt on your sorry ass!"
Jim Bunning's Spiritual Adviser
Having ended his flirtation with a Senate race in
New York, Harold Ford arched his eyebrow and
went to lunch with Spooge McFuck.
"In your run for the Senate, Mickey, I think it's safe
to say you've got a lock on the goat vote."
"I only look like a crumb bum."

Monday, March 01, 2010

Remember when Jor-El warned what was
going to happen to Krypton and nobody
believed him? Well, he's now saying
the same thing about Earth.
"Golly gee, Mr. Steele, thanks a bunch! The last guy
only gave me a sawbuck to polish his knob."