"Crazy Uncle Ted?  No, you must

be confusing me with Ted Nugent."

A California couple has decided to get married as many

times and in as many countries as the Republicans in 

the House of Representatives have voted to repeal 

Obamacare.  That would be almost 60 times---

and counting.

When you see monsters like Joyce

Hardin Garrard, you are made

to wonder:  whither evolution?

"Gee, Mr. President, your circles and verticals are better 

than your horizontals and diagonals."

Br'er Snowden Sez:   "Only please, Br'er DOJ, please don't 

throw me into the Petraeus patch!"

Loretta Lynch Being Held Hostage in the Back of the

Bus by GOP Mob

Americans aren't living in the equivalent of Syria yet, 

but it's not because of the GOP's lack of trying.

"Hands up, you chinless scofflaw!"

Have you tried KFC's Famous Bowl of

Ranting Gohmerts?

"It's time to bomb Iran.  It's the only Christian thing 

to do."

Having an approval rating of only 36% gave Governor

Bruce Rauner a bad case of the sads.

"This way to the gas, Grandma!"

"If you come out, we promise not to Meerkat you."

Allegories for Our Time #31

Fire Extinguisher Factory Destroyed by 

Giant Fire

DOJ Criminal Investigation to Test Aaron Schock's Father's

 Hypothesis That “Two Years from Now He Will Be Successful

 If He’s Not in Jail”

Rick Santorum Answers the Question, "Why is the

 Congress rolling over and letting this communist

 dictator destroy my country?"

Warm Scuzzies #542

Warren Groen

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #618

John Cardillo

"What's that?"

"It's a spine, Governor Walker."

"Well, I need one."

Great Misadventures in Science #10

Rhinoplastic and Third-Eye Transplant Surgeons

Get Their Wires Crossed

Hey, all you obese poor people out there!  Have you tried 

Louie Gohmert's new Empty Cupboard Diet Plan?

"Hey, Vernal Equinox, it's Ernest!"

Senator Cotton's favorite breakfast is

Eggs Benedict Arnold.

In Big Sandy, Montana, you don't bring a knife to a

knifefight; you bring a chainsaw.

On Twitter, Larry King likes to say, "Sacre Bleu,  I'm

still alive!"

Breaking News Mashups #12

'Disgraced Cardinal Cleared to Fly'

General Betrayus looks better in fatigues.

He now better understood what being 'heterodox' meant.

'Netanyahu Backpedals on Two-State Comments', the 

headline read.  He had learned how to backpedal

as a child.

"When you come to Israel for my victory celebration, Mr. 

Speaker, shedding tears of joy will be very appropriate."

Andrea Tantaros Opens Mouth, Reveals Secret Location 

of Batcave

The World According to Koch

Cluckbait

"Do we really want everybody eating wings?  I don’t think so!"

"What's that?"

"It's a Thermomix.  It's like a KFC Famous Bowl,

but you can't eat it."

Truth in Advertising #7

Donald Trump Displays Latest Advance in Oral Hygiene

 Technology: Truth in Advertising Implants

Frankencroc, the Carolina Butcher, ruled North Carolina

 231 million years ago much like Senators Richard Burr

 and Thom Tillis do today.

A new study suggests if you were breastfed, 

you'll end up earning more and have a 

higher IQ.

When the election is held to replace Aaron

Schock in Congress, will candidates have

to be fans of Downton Abbey?

At 75, David Koch's only worry was that he might die 

before realizing his full potential as a heartless bastard.

Ugly Ink Makes Supremely White Ryan

 Giroux Go on Arizona Shooting Rampage

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #617

Michele Fiore

World's Worst Yobs #325

Matthew Hennessey

San Francisco Catholic Church

 Installs Watering System 

to Ward Off Homeless

"I’ve made my decision – I’m out. I’m out of the Republican 

Party. I am not a Republican; I will not give a dime to the 

Republican Party. I’m out. I highly recommend – run from 

the Republican Party. They are not good.  They are not 

nearly crazy enough to suit me."

"Home, Jameson!  I've always wanted to say that."

"Shrug, shrug, shrug

They call me the Shrugger."

After his rather precipitous fall

from grace, Aaron Schock should

consider changing his surname 

to Schlock.

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #68

Bo Watson