World's Worst Yobs #39

Tony Blankley

"I am proud of the decision of this administration to

overthrow Saddam Hussein. It's just a shame we had

to invade Iraq in order to do it."

Two Dead in Suspected Murder-Suicide

"I've been waterboarded twice, but, on balance,

I would have to say doing without cigarettes

for 24 hours would be worse torture."

People who are about to lie often unconsciously rub their noses.

Greta Van Susteren claims to be 'the #1 woman 
in all of cable news'.  Her success is often 
attributed to the bull market in missing persons.

Less often, her success is credited to her 
rugged good looks.

A nationwide identity theft ring, which specialized in stealing the

political identities of John McCain, has been smashed. More than

a dozen of his identities--all different--have been recovered so far.

Thank You for Not Smocking

Where Obama May Deliver His Acceptance Speech

Where McCain May Deliver His

Forgetting Senator No

"Nutrient in Watermelon Yields Viagra-Like Results,"

Texas Scientists Report

"Today is the day we celebrate the most memorable epoch in

the history of America, the time when we were delivered by

the Foundling Fathers."

Even if Congress and the President continue to slice and

dice the Constitution, we can still celebrate July 4th as

the day whales on stilts gained their independence.

Sometimes typographical errors can be pretty embarrassing.

Had you clicked on this link expecting a Stock Tip, you would

have encountered instead an ad for

Stock Dip.

It's impolite to point, unless you're the Chancellor of Germany.

For some reason, the streets of Kabul were filled

with epigones of the Karate Kid.

"Uh-oh. Tell the coach Andrew is having another

one of his weightlessness attacks."

You can always tell how sober Amy Winehouse is by

the number of cocktail parasols in her hair.

"You can argue all you want, but there's no way

your end justifies the means!"

Fearguth Refuses to Alter Unflattering Photograph of Rupert Murdoch;

Fox News Responds: "Disgusting" ... "Beneath Comment" ... "Fighting

with a Pig"

"See that crocodile over there. We've trained it to stay perfectly
still so you can take better pictures. But please keep your hands
inside the boat. Crocs, you know, are always looking for a hand out."

"Hey, buddy! Take up thy cross and follow me! Did you

hear what I said, buddy? Darn it! Lost another one!"

“I thank God for my drug addiction. It made me understand my
shortcomings, such as being unable to love myself sufficiently."

Rush Limbaugh Doing What He Does Best: Blowing Smoke

American Empire #30

Coercive Interrogation Techniques

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no! I am NOT too hot-skinned, thin-tempered,

or short-headed to be President!"

Lame Duck

Limp Dick

Even the pigeons had turned against Sarko the Giant.

Cock of the Walk Sports New Tangler Wrangler

Groomer II Long-Tooth Greyhound Style Comb

"Let's win this one for Bluto's new tattoo!"

Fearguth's Rules of Order #14

Don't try to impress an orangutan with all

the ways you know to pronounce 'tomato'.

"In your new role as a McCain adviser, you

won't be needing this head anymore."

What a Difference U Can Make

Pissant

Puissant

They didn't know where they were headed, but they

were happy to be swimming in the Mainstream.

"I'm trying to 'move to the Center', as they say.

Do you have any idea where that might be?"

McCain Unplugged

There's an Internet rumor going around that Barack Obama

drinks bottled water. Pass it on.

"Go ahead, smear me!" the chocolate wrestler exclaimed.

Razing McCain #15

Why does Senator McCain flip-flop on the issues so much?

One of his advisors, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, says it's because

McCain is a pragmatist; he's "interested in getting results."

Yeah, like getting elected.

"Consumer Countries Have to Adapt to the Prices and the

Mechanisms of the Market," Says Mechanical Man

The Day Hoppity Hooper Met Beaky McAvis

The world watched silently as the fate of Tibet was decided.

Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter Join Forces to Form ShoveOff!,

the Radical Right's Answer to MoveOn

"Senator Obama is saying I'm a genuine war hero. Well, you

know, this election is about trust, and trusting people's word,

and unfortunately, Senator Obama's word cannot be trusted."

"Gee," the little boy thought, "Little Red Riding hood was right.

Grandma's teeth are really big!"

Few people realize the same Invisible Hand that keeps raising

gasoline prices is what holds airplanes up in the sky.