Saturday, July 05, 2008

World's Worst Yobs #39
Tony Blankley
"I am proud of the decision of this administration to
overthrow Saddam Hussein. It's just a shame we had
to invade Iraq in order to do it."
Two Dead in Suspected Murder-Suicide
"I've been waterboarded twice, but, on balance,
I would have to say doing without cigarettes
for 24 hours would be worse torture."
People who are about to lie often unconsciously rub their noses.
Greta Van Susteren claims to be 'the #1 woman 
in all of cable news'.  Her success is often 
attributed to the bull market in missing persons.
Less often, her success is credited to her 
rugged good looks.
A nationwide identity theft ring, which specialized in stealing the
political identities of John McCain, has been smashed. More than
a dozen of his identities--all different--have been recovered so far.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Thank You for Not Smocking
Where Obama May Deliver His Acceptance Speech

Where McCain May Deliver His
Forgetting Senator No
"Nutrient in Watermelon Yields Viagra-Like Results,"
Texas Scientists Report
"Today is the day we celebrate the most memorable epoch in
the history of America, the time when we were delivered by
the Foundling Fathers."
Even if Congress and the President continue to slice and
dice the Constitution, we can still celebrate July 4th as
the day whales on stilts gained their independence.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Sometimes typographical errors can be pretty embarrassing.
Had you clicked on this link expecting a Stock Tip, you would
have encountered instead an ad for

Stock Dip.
It's impolite to point, unless you're the Chancellor of Germany.

For some reason, the streets of Kabul were filled
with epigones of the Karate Kid.
"Uh-oh. Tell the coach Andrew is having another
one of his weightlessness attacks."
You can always tell how sober Amy Winehouse is by
the number of cocktail parasols in her hair.
"You can argue all you want, but there's no way
your end justifies the means!"

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Fearguth Refuses to Alter Unflattering Photograph of Rupert Murdoch;
Fox News Responds: "Disgusting" ... "Beneath Comment" ... "Fighting
with a Pig"
"See that crocodile over there. We've trained it to stay perfectly
still so you can take better pictures. But please keep your hands
inside the
boat. Crocs, you know, are always looking for a hand out."
"Hey, buddy! Take up thy cross and follow me! Did you
hear what I said, buddy? Darn it! Lost another one!"
“I thank God for my drug addiction. It made me understand my
shortcomings, such as being unable to love myself sufficiently."
Rush Limbaugh Doing What He Does Best: Blowing Smoke
American Empire #30
Coercive Interrogation Techniques

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no! I am NOT too hot-skinned, thin-tempered,
or short-headed to be President!"
Lame Duck

Limp Dick

Even the pigeons had turned against Sarko the Giant.
Cock of the Walk Sports New Tangler Wrangler
Groomer II Long-Tooth Greyhound Style Comb
"Let's win this one for Bluto's new tattoo!"
Fearguth's Rules of Order #14
Don't try to impress an orangutan with all
the ways you know to pronounce 'tomato'.
"In your new role as a McCain adviser, you
won't be needing this head anymore."
What a Difference U Can Make
Pissant

Puissant

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

They didn't know where they were headed, but they
were happy to be swimming in the Mainstream.
"I'm trying to 'move to the Center', as they say.
Do you have any idea where that might be?"
McCain Unplugged
There's an Internet rumor going around that Barack Obama
drinks bottled water. Pass it on.
"Go ahead, smear me!" the chocolate wrestler exclaimed.
Razing McCain #15
Why does Senator McCain flip-flop on the issues so much?
One of his advisors, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, says it's because
McCain is a pragmatist; he's "interested in getting results."
Yeah, like getting elected.
"Consumer Countries Have to Adapt to the Prices and the
Mechanisms of the Market," Says Mechanical Man
The Day Hoppity Hooper Met Beaky McAvis

The world watched silently as the fate of Tibet was decided.
Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter Join Forces to Form ShoveOff!,
the Radical Right's Answer to MoveOn
"Senator Obama is saying I'm a genuine war hero. Well, you
know, this election is about trust, and trusting people's word,
and unfortunately, Senator Obama's word cannot be trusted."
"Gee," the little boy thought, "Little Red Riding hood was right.
Grandma's teeth are really big!"
Few people realize the same Invisible Hand that keeps raising
gasoline prices is what holds airplanes up in the sky.