Which is more bizarre: for Barack Hussein Obama to

be sworn in as President of the United States using

his full name, or for Representative Steve King

(R-IA) to say it's 'bizarre' for him to do so?

At long last, he had discovered the Center of the Universe.

What he was supposed to do with it he had no idea.

The next time you're out on the freeway, remember that

22% of the people behind the wheel still believe George

Bush is a great President. Also keep in mind this may

be only one of the hallucinations they have while driving.

Told to "Go fly a kite!" the kite flew him instead.

World's Worst Yobs #69

Bill Cunningham

President Bush Happy Everyone Kept Their

Shoes On During His Farewell Address

Do you have a favorite social, political,

educational, economic, or religious

institution you would like to see destroyed?

If so, perhaps you should consider running

it like a business.

Canada Geese Bring Down Airbus A320; Suspected

Co-Conspirators Placed on Terrorist Watch List

Jean-Claude Trichet,

President of European Central Bank,

2007

Today

Flag Desecration #12

"Under my leadership, we have made sure that

there is no child's behind left."

"We, like the noble Romans of old, tortured the enemy

out of duty, not out of enthusiasm."

"And if you won't repent, you're sentenced to sleep

with Senator Chris Buttars, the grumpy old bastard

on my left."

The mysterious lights above the Latvian city had

been explained as ice crystals reflecting streetlamps,

until someone said, "Beam me up, Scotty!" and

vanished in a flash of light.

Justice Alito Snubs President-Elect Obama,

Says Senate Democrats Give Him Diaper Rash

At Play in the Carnival of Souls

"PLTHTHTHTHTH!!!"

George Walker Bush

January 20, 2001

Eight Years Later

Another Adventure in Wingnut Iconography

World's Worst Yobs #68

Evan Thomas

"When George Will invited President-Elect Obama over for

dinner with some of the conservative cognoscenti, rumor has

it you and your pet accompanied Charles Krauthammer to

the affair. Bark once if that's true; twice, if not."

His eyes were watching God. That may

explain why he didn't avoid the pitfalls

of counterfactual decidering.

Gaza Death Toll Passes 1,000; Less Than 1,499,000 to Go

New Study Reveals More Americans

Approve of Same-Sex Marriage

Than Practice Same-Marriage Sex

"Prime time for men is 35 to 45. Then they level off. And

if they're lucky enough to live to be as old as I am, let's just

say staying airborne is more than enough excitement."

"Now that I've put that Minneapolis unpleasantness behind

me, General Ashcroft, what say we join forces and form a

new musical act, 'The Tongue-Talking Toe-Tappers'?"

"Sorry, hermano, but six bands mean we're living somewhere

south of the border, not the Great State of Texas."

"Why the long face, Ann?"

Chancellor of Germany Disguised as a Vase

World's Worst Yobs #67

Jeffrey Goldberg

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) wants you to know that Israel

has only been using humanitarian methods of warfare against

the Palestinians in Gaza. Case in point: the Israelis sent a text

message to the occupants of this building urging them to

vacate the premises before it was blown to smithereens.

“What other country would do that?” the Senator asks.

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #14

Being George Bush

Ever Wanted to Be Someone Else? Now You Can.

Great Misadventures in Science #4

Israel Announces the Olmert Replicator,

the World's First Biomatter Resequencer

Henry Paulson begins his long-anticipated fade to black.

American Empire #41

Bellicose Auras

Stunning Stimulus Package Picking Up

Bipartisan Support on Capitol Hill

Even if the Bush Administration had lasted only

seven days, that would have been one week too long.

World's Worst Yobs #66

John Fund

Surefire Cure Discovered for Up-Skirt Peeking

"Ye shall utterly destroy all the places, wherein the nations

which ye shall possess served their gods, upon the high

mountains, and upon the hills, and under every green tree:

And ye shall overthrow their altars, and break their pillars,

and burn their groves with fire; and ye shall hew down

the graven images of their gods, and destroy the names of

them out of that place."

David Horowitz celebrated his 70th birthday by

converting yet again, this time to Breatharianism.

Sent by Pajamas TV to cover the Israeli-Palestinian conflict,

Joe the Plumber has come to the conclusion that the media

"should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting" on war.

And so he has decided to shift the focus of his reporting from

war to the latest advances in Israeli plumbing technology.

Rumors are flying thick and fast that the Aardvark

is planning to join the Ant for a 40th Anniversary

Reunion Tour in American theatres.

"Monsieur FDIC, this afternoon we have for appetizers

the Washington Mutual Bank, the Indymac Bank, and

the Silver State Bank. Which would you prefer?"

"I'll have the lot."

"A wise choice, monsieur."

Rush Hour on the Eightfold Path

With less than ten days of his presidency left,

George Walker Bush couldn't shake the feeling

he was being stalked by historians who intended

to whup his ass.

What the Obama Administration's 'Car Czar' Will Drive

World's Worst Yobs #65

John Ziegler